To not like being around other people the older I get...

[Totallybannanas]

I’m approaching 45 and have noticed that my people-pleasing tendencies have faded. Lately, I find myself feeling more irritated by others and have little desire to be around people I don’t know. Today at the supermarket, my frustration kept building—I caught myself tutting and muttering under my breath. Between people blocking aisles with their trolleys, chatting in large groups so I couldn’t get to the shelves, and kids getting in the way, it was all just too much. The rising cost of food and frequent empty shelves only added to my annoyance.
I’ve even started avoiding my neighbors because I don’t have the patience for small talk and need a lot of alone time. Meeting up with friends and family feels more like an obligation than something I enjoy. I’ve always been introverted and made the effort, but now I just want to stay home, even spending time away from my husband. I genuinely enjoy my own space and just relaxing.
Can anyone else relate? I know I’m not perfect and probably irritate others too, but the irony is that I find most people inconsiderate, rude, and unpredictable! 😳

Sounds you are perimenopausal, your nurturing hormones vanish and your tolerance for others with it 😬🫣

There’s a reason why I have four dogs and a horse.

The only person I never get fed up of is my DH, which is fortunate. Even then, I relish the odd bit of time I get alone.

I'm sure it's peri, but also what a shame for you! It's a total waste of energy to tut and huff at the supermarket. Tolerance is hugely important for your own well being, I'm not sure what the answer is but life is long and you can't go round always sweating the small stuff

Yeah, I m wondering if this it. I feel like I can no longer control my mouth or face when people piss me off 😱

I think this is normal - I think we change as we get older...

Pretty normal menopausal situation IMO. I'm the same.

As well as menopause, it's partly a function of how society is these days. Too many people or not enough things to go round. Doesn't matter which. Whether that's a parking space or a job - just not enough of them. Society isn't really working well.

Can't stand people outside of my closest family and friends and dog.

Yes I'm in my 40's. I used to be a 'yes' person and more empathetic and always used to get back to people, arrange things etc.

I'd say I'm not rude to people but don't feel the need to arrange things, reply to every message, reach out to others as much. I look on the Ring camera before going out to make sure the neighbours aren't out, so I don't have to talk to them.

I have come to the realisation, in my 40's, that most people are self-centered, self-interested and many are rude, especially when travel is involved. That's why I avoid people.

Yes. I think this is where the witchy, weird old lady in the woods with the cats thing comes from. We get to a certain age and other humans become intolerable. I'm hoping it's a phase. But I'm looking for one bedroom cottages in the wilderness on rightmoves just in case HRT doesn't help.

That's is I can't stand people outside my immediate family and friends and my dog. I did wonder if it was also a society thing also. I went to the gym yesterday, and was polite and courteous held the door for people behind me but not a single person did the same for me even when I was directly behind them. I then got to my car when the person next to me had reversed into the space leaving no room for me to get in to my own car! I then let some one of a junction, no thank you or acknowledgement. People are just rude!

I could easily move to island on my own right now!

Perfectly normal menopausal situation. For me the rattiness and intolerance went with HRT but I still prefer being on my own or with family. I also think it’s a symptom of living busy, stressful lives that we aren’t designed for.

I’ve found my tribe. meet up! 😂

I feel the same and think it’s partly to do with working in customer/client facing rolls for years and constantly having to deal with the public. Also since covid where I really enjoyed not having to socialise.

Am I evil in even finding my family a bit much at times?

This is definitely a thing. I think it’s about reaching a certain age and stage in life and seeing the world in a slightly different way. It’s a good thing at any age to enjoy one’s own company in any case. I also think that as women in particular when we are younger we had been conditioned to accommodate other people’s wants and needs. A certain amount of life experience then tends to reeducate ourselves and we are less Inclined to bend over backwards for other people unless they are close family or close friends where we know it is reciprocal. However, even when we get to this blessed stage in life, it’s still important I think to be civil and
polite to all, to keep the wheels of society turning.

45 here and I agree with most of what you've said. I do force myself to focus on the nice people though to not get bitter. Like in the supermarket you got annoying people but also cute children, the elderly cute couple etc. But I am disappointed just like you with the state of the world. I always hold up doors, leave my place on the bus/train for elderly/pregnant women, help disabled people when needed. And sadly very often I notice that I'm almost the only one. What I do, and what I suggest you do as well @Totallybannanas is look at the other person who is polite/ helpful and smile rather than looking at those who just don't care/lack basic manners. It's too easy to get depressed and bitter otherwise.

I have also noted how I have become more withdrawn since my children left elementary. Something with not having to be involved in school and doing the school runs has made me find my introvert side as I no longer have to be social for the kids sake. I'm quite liking it tbh...and I could definitely see myself as a future catlady (or maybe dog) if DH who's allergic doesn't watch his behaviour 😅

I agree with the poster above about it being perimenopause x this happened to me it was hard to get used to at first more for other people who were used to me being a walk over x now I feel it's liberating it wasn't just people in shops it was family members and work colleagues who had always been annoying but I used to bite my tongue none of that any more xx

I have two teens and a DH who works from home so no not always 🤣

There’s just too many people, not enough staff, and politeness has gone. Standards have absolutely plummeted. My local sainsburys absolutely astonishes me. Staff are shouting loudly across the shop to each other every single time I go in, there are unpacked boxes everywhere on the shop floor and obviously you have to do self checkout. It’s truly the pits. I do online shopping as much as possible to preserve my fantasy that life is ok!

I'm already a cat lady 😁well I have one but when the children have flew the nest I'll get more!

I agree with seeing the world in a different way as you age, especially when you get to a stage when you start to lose people. Also agree that working with the public over many years (healthcare) where many people have complaints, and complain, takes its toll on you.

When younger everything used to be so exciting. I just feel like a number these days in many situations, not a person. I remember when I came to this realisation, I was on holiday and as we were leaving, it was like a conveyor belt of new people arriving, another week and repeat.

Sounds like you’re starting turning into the grumpy old woman. Every village has one or two!

I'm the same. The only people I like mixing with are my kids, now teens and my parents

100 per cent agree. The only people I can tolerate are my family members. I can’t stand other people around me. It wasn’t until I was in my 40s that I realised I’ve been like this since a child. Struggled with school etc. I’m very much an introvert and I love my own company and peace and quiet. Summer is the worst. So much noise outside that we don’t get during the winter months. I find it chaotic and my nerves jangle