To not like being around other people the older I get...

[Totallybannanas]

I’m approaching 45 and have noticed that my people-pleasing tendencies have faded. Lately, I find myself feeling more irritated by others and have little desire to be around people I don’t know. Today at the supermarket, my frustration kept building—I caught myself tutting and muttering under my breath. Between people blocking aisles with their trolleys, chatting in large groups so I couldn’t get to the shelves, and kids getting in the way, it was all just too much. The rising cost of food and frequent empty shelves only added to my annoyance.
I’ve even started avoiding my neighbors because I don’t have the patience for small talk and need a lot of alone time. Meeting up with friends and family feels more like an obligation than something I enjoy. I’ve always been introverted and made the effort, but now I just want to stay home, even spending time away from my husband. I genuinely enjoy my own space and just relaxing.
Can anyone else relate? I know I’m not perfect and probably irritate others too, but the irony is that I find most people inconsiderate, rude, and unpredictable! 😳

I feel exactly the same.

I’m also becoming increasingly intolerant of noise - road noise, people noise, shrieking, DIY, building works etc. In the last few years it’s started to me feel massively on edge and when I hear a neighbour’s flat door go I often find myself flinching involuntarily.

I'm 45 too and also have little tolerance for others and few friends as I can't be bothered with the people-pleasing. I'm not convinced it's perimenopause for me - I have no other physical symptoms and I don't expect to be close to menopause based on my mother's age at menopause.

I live quite an isolated life socially - I get out and about with my family but rarely interacting with others outside of my family and that's not been a problem at all. I don't feel it's important to maintain social links as I feel fine without them. I have had hard times and still preferred to keep myself to myself as I feel it's important to be resilient and independent, so I expect I'll never really need a village as others put it.

@Whateverwhateve
60 here too, and I agree.
Maybe it's a case of coming out the other end, hormones stabilising, and getting used to the new normal.

Though I'm a person who has always been a people watcher, so I find supermarkets interesting.

I went on an amazing Women in Leadership programme where the lightbulb moment was learning about the concept of the Loyal Soldier who had resolutely stayed "on duty" through childhood and made us hold onto a bunch of unhelpful habits (people pleasing, being "kind", apologising for everything, not interrupting and allowing other to talk over us because our views were not as valid as theirs). The idea in this course was to identify those unhelpful habits, then mentally stand down our Loyal Soldier and resolve to eliminate the habits.

Bloody help, I never realised how many self-sabotaging habits I had, but it was transformational and liberating when I let them go (and the people who were dragging me down, but I had kept them in my life out of some false sense of duty).

I don't mind supermarkets but maybe that's because I go when it's quiet or get DH to do all the shopping

I always wondered why my mother went supermarket shopping so early in the morning when it was "quiet" but now I understand. Where 20 years ago I loved a packed, city centre nightclub on a Saturday night, I now prefer a quiet trip to the garden centre on a Sunday morning.

I'm 42!

I don’t think anybody on this thread (me included) feel any of the things you have stated in your first paragraph. They are a different sort of person again.

And I’m happy not being a people-pleaser anymore, I’ve finally learnt that I can put myself first too, and that’s quite liberating! I wish I’d learnt to do it earlier in my life.

I'm 51. I must be an outlier, but I'm making more effort to see friends now the DCs are grown up. I was never a massive social butterfly anyway, but I am enjoying having the freedom to do what I want. I space out my socialising to once a fortnight which is a good balance for me. I am lucky as I have some good friends I've known for 20 plus years.

I'm less tolerant of drama eg bitching and moaning for the sake of it.

I'm definitely not great with people who keep making the same mistakes and then complaining about it.

Yes! I can't stand loud noises too but I do work in a noisy environment. I need to come home and decompress for 30 mins.

It was under my breath for goodness sake, and people were being inconsiderate leaving their trollies in the middle of the isle not just once but continuously or standing in groups chatting and not moving oblivious to everyone trying to get past. Now that's rude!

Oh and I didn't tutt in the queue, why would I if people are queuing politely.

Exactly this.

It's just a thread of women bonding over toxic behaviour.

It's weirdly teenage, I went through a big "this world is bullshit and people are all awful" phase when I was 15.

I literally cannot abide other humans.
I just about manage my kids
My husband 75% of the time.

That’s it. The rest can do one.
I‘m 51 and perimenopausal (I guess, bloody periods still like clockwork).

sorry, wrong thread. But yes, it does get harder as I get older. I like to think I'm more selective with the people I hang out with!

So let’s get this straight @Totallybannanas, you want everyone else to be all sunshine and flowers, polite, considerate, smiling and community Minded. Yet you want to be able to stomp about, tutting and sighing at people, with a face like a smacked arse, moaning about everything and everyone. How’s that working out?

And yes, only on mn is it seen as a virtue to be miserable, grumpy and misanthropic. It’s positively celebrated here. Yet mention someone being a “miserable old woman” and the Wrath of the people who, two minutes before were congratulating themselves for hating everyone else in the world, will fall on your head.

I'm sorry you're feeling like this. I agree with @RandomMess . Sounds like perimenopause. This is exactly how I felt at the same age as you ( not muttering under breathe) but an overwhelming sense of wanting to be alone and away from everybody, including those I loved. Hope I haven't misunderstood you but I hope you find a good doctor who will listen and refer you for fantastic lady care.

I feel the same. Am 47, just requested an increase in HRT. I think what happens is we lose the need to conform as much to what society expects of women.

My tolerance for bullshit is very low, as is tolerance for selfishness, rudeness, flakiness, and being patronised. I had a telephone appointment with a GP (female!) last week to discuss HRT. I know I have been having increased symptoms of peri, I am bleeding to death every 2 weeks. I am irritable, tired but not sleeping properly, low level anxiety, no sex drive blah blah blah. GP dismissed me, suggested fresh air and exercise (I have 2 horses and spend 3 hours a day at the stables, ride 5 times a week etc) and a nice bath to relax. And then proceeded to lecture me about contraception and try and force the mini pill on me instead of increasing HRT.

The old me would have said no thank you and made another appointment with a different doctor in a few weeks. Perimenopause Me explained that I have had zero unplanned pregnancies in 20 years, didn't want to be on the pill because it was more, not less, hormones than the HRT and would not include oestrogen which is good for protecting against osteoarthritis and other stuff. And actually I want to increase the HRT thank you very much.

I find it liberating rather than a problem. I don't say yes to stuff I don't want to do. I spend my time with my family and ponies and although I do socialise sometimes it is only doing things I enjoy. I'm polite and civil to everyone but don't tolerate bullshit very well. And I look at men and think that actually, they are like that most of the time and no one calls them on it.

Please don't twist my words and tell me how I feel and what I expect. Thank you

I don't think it's toxic to recognise that I have an increased need for personal space at this time of my life and, for once, do what I need rather than what the world tells me I need.

I don't think the world is bullshit at all or that people are all awful. I never went through that at 15 either.

Well, sure, but you’ve always had the capacity to tell the world what you need. There are no brownie points for ‘doing what the world tells me I need’ until middle age and then burning out.