Page 3 | To not like being around other people the older I get...

Totallybannanas · 2025-03-09T14:46:30+00:00

I’m approaching 45 and have noticed that my people-pleasing tendencies have faded. Lately, I find myself feeling more irritated by others and have little desire to be around people I don’t know. Today at the supermarket, my frustration kept building—I caught myself tutting and muttering under my breath. Between people blocking aisles with their trolleys, chatting in large groups so I couldn’t get to the shelves, and kids getting in the way, it was all just too much. The rising cost of food and frequent empty shelves only added to my annoyance. I’ve even started avoiding my neighbors because I don’t have the patience for small talk and need a lot of alone time. Meeting up with friends and family feels more like an obligation than something I enjoy. I’ve always been introverted and made the effort, but now I just want to stay home, even spending time away from my husband. I genuinely enjoy my own space and just relaxing. Can anyone else relate? I know I’m not perfect and probably irritate others too, but the irony is that I find most people inconsiderate, rude, and unpredictable! 😳

Eldermilleniallyogii · 09/03/2025 17:09

I feel like this too. I'm less tolerant of people and need more time to decompress and unwind. I used to enjoy having people over and now each time someone comes over whether a friend or for a play date I think I'm going to not have people over as much as I find it hard work.

BarneyRonson · 09/03/2025 17:13

gannett · 09/03/2025 17:05

Never claimed to have transcended impatience and likely never will, but I don't go around boasting about my misanthropy or claiming it's some kind of enlightened hormonal state.

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well done you. 🌟

ssd · 09/03/2025 17:20

I've said this before on here. I just want to be like an old cat, sitting on a cushion above the sofa, staring out the window.
That would be enough for me.

Beetlebumz · 09/03/2025 17:39

I think our generation..women in our late 40s were bought up to be good and kind and help others, put family first..well I know myself and many of my friends were. It’s what I saw my mum doing. Now we’re older we see how unnecessary it all was in todays world..

StillLifeWithEggs · 09/03/2025 17:42

Beetlebumz · 09/03/2025 17:39

I think our generation..women in our late 40s were bought up to be good and kind and help others, put family first..well I know myself and many of my friends were. It’s what I saw my mum doing. Now we’re older we see how unnecessary it all was in todays world..

I’m 52, and that’s exactly how I was brought up. However, I could see it wasn’t benefiting me by my late teens, and worked on unpicking those unhelpful, gendered scripts.

GETTINGLIKEMYMOTHER · 09/03/2025 17:44

YANBU. Too many people are simply a royal PITA, or at least very irritating.
I am a GOB (Grumpy Old Bag) though so I’m allowed to say so.

JMSA · 09/03/2025 17:52

Umm hello, my people.

Seeing other people has become an obligation for me. I don't feel good about it, in fact I feel pretty ashamed as I would not only include friends in this, but my lovely parents and siblings too.
I adore my kids and like having them around. My dog too. But I dream of coming home to an empty house one day.
Maybe it's because I work full-time in a fairly challenging role.
Fun fact, I'm a single mother and used to enjoy going on dates. Nowadays I cannot think of anything worse. I think I would happily never be with another man again.
I'm really hoping this is a phase as I feel like a proper hermit weirdo

JMSA · 09/03/2025 17:54

I am honestly really nice though and don't tut at people in shops!

beadystar · 09/03/2025 18:05

Nearly 42 and I can't stand people these days. However, I do think manners have dropped a great deal in the last 5 years. I was on a 2 hour train journey earlier today. Firstly, someone had taken my pre-booked seat with my name on it out of sheer laziness and looked put out when I asked to sit in it. Then the girl beside me tapped her phone with inch-long nails, playing TikToks out loud, for 2 whole hours (my noise cancelling headphones saved her from going out the window). Teenage girls screeched and screeched. Two drunk men did that lecherous stare and another man had rancid BO. Most people stuffed on crisps so it was a smelly carriage too. Just such bad manners, everywhere, all the time.

Kaleidoscope101 · 09/03/2025 18:06

I've literally had this conversation with my adult dc today.
I'm 45 and peri menopausal.
I used to be the people pleaser, always wanted to be the life and soul and make the jokes now I feel like I actively avoid socialising and people in general.

JMSA · 09/03/2025 18:14

beadystar · 09/03/2025 18:05

Nearly 42 and I can't stand people these days. However, I do think manners have dropped a great deal in the last 5 years. I was on a 2 hour train journey earlier today. Firstly, someone had taken my pre-booked seat with my name on it out of sheer laziness and looked put out when I asked to sit in it. Then the girl beside me tapped her phone with inch-long nails, playing TikToks out loud, for 2 whole hours (my noise cancelling headphones saved her from going out the window). Teenage girls screeched and screeched. Two drunk men did that lecherous stare and another man had rancid BO. Most people stuffed on crisps so it was a smelly carriage too. Just such bad manners, everywhere, all the time.

Oh God, I'd have been losing it. I can't bear inconsideration and lack of manners.

BadSil · 09/03/2025 18:19

gannett · 09/03/2025 17:05

Never claimed to have transcended impatience and likely never will, but I don't go around boasting about my misanthropy or claiming it's some kind of enlightened hormonal state.

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Can you show me where on this thread people have mentioned an "enlightened hormonal state"? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

UnderandOverwhelmed · 09/03/2025 18:25

I feel so much of this. 43 and in peri, hrt doesn't seem to have helped. Unfortunately I also have a toddler and having no patience with him is very hard!

nahthatsnotforme · 09/03/2025 18:28

I feel the same but I'm not blaming my post menopausal lack of hormones

The fact that people of ruder, less considerate has nothing to do with the state of my hormones, and neither has the fact that 60+ years on the planet has taught me that most people are to be barely tolerated.

And I'm definitely not artificially replacing hormones to let me tolerate their shite.

Bellaboot · 09/03/2025 18:35

BadSil · 09/03/2025 18:19

Can you show me where on this thread people have mentioned an "enlightened hormonal state"? 🤣🤣🤣🤣

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🤣🤣'enlightened hormonal state' sounds like clubbing in the early 2000''s🕺🕺🕺

Original poster

Totallybannanas · 09/03/2025 19:02

gannett · 09/03/2025 16:20

Lots of posters blaming perimenopause for being a hostile old bag (rather than accepting it's a character flaw) yet no one likes being called out for hostility and other people blaming it on the perimenopause 🤔

This level of misanthropy is just being a twat. You ARE the person in public that no one else wants to be around and who makes supermarkets and trains so awful, with your barely concealed tutting and dirty looks and disapproving air.

I'm far from a people-pleaser - maybe this is why I'm happy to be around people I like? Because I never socialised just to keep people happy, I socialised because I found friends I genuinely like.

When I was younger (and even now when I'm not so young) I always hated the way disapproving old women made me feel, and swore never to be like them. So judgmental, so irritable, so disapproving. I have misanthropic tendencies like anyone but it'd be so toxic to let them rule my life.

Yes you really sound a delight 🤣

OP posts:

Original poster

Totallybannanas · 09/03/2025 19:10

Do you think that it's also a combination of stressful people facing jobs and also social media? Years ago we would think nothing of calling a friend and spending hours on the phone. I've always suffered with my hormones and PMT so wouldn't suprise me that is a major part of it, I have a low tolerance for people outside of work when it's a choices but in giant I have a low tolerance of everything now and yes I am turning into a miserable cow but never used to be like this!

OP posts:

KickHimInTheCrotch · 09/03/2025 19:19

I've been like this for years, I work with people all day long so I avoid all people in my non work time. It's completely fine to prefer your own company and find people annoying.

ilovesooty · 09/03/2025 19:20

most people are to be barely tolerated

How depressing.

Lilifer · 09/03/2025 19:58

StillLifeWithEggs · 09/03/2025 15:35

I think this is another thing people normalise on here, like never answering the door, retreating inside ‘my little family’, or not leaving the house unless absolutely necessary. A disproportionate number of people on here simply can’t handle basic interactions with other people and have decided to label this (inaccurately) as ‘introversion’. Probably relatedly, a disproportionate number of people on here are unusually irritable and simmering with suppressed resentment with others, and have decided to call, this ‘menopause’. I think it’s far more likely to be a matter of belatedly recognising their longtime people-pleasing tendencies, which they’d previously normalised. ‘Menopause’ has become a catch-all label for living in a state of permanent fury which I’m not sure has all that much to do with hormonal changes.

Ultimately, OP, I suppose it’s up to you whether you want to live the rest of your life huffing and tutting. You have two choices. You do what I did for a couple of years a long time back, and live on an otherwise uninhabited island which got cut off from supply boats for weeks in bad weather. Or you acknowledge that it’s unlikely the rest of the world has suddenly become spectacularly rude, have some therapy, and figure out what all this rage is really about.

Love this 👌🏻

Mary46 · 09/03/2025 20:02

Im same ha 52. Think as we older you dont take crap. Manners lacking as another post said. I def stopped running after people this year got tired of it.

soupyspoon · 09/03/2025 20:05

Its peri probably. Same here OP

As Ive got older Ive felt more and more confident and comfortable in myself, I used to be very much an introvert and socially awkward whereas a lot of that has been worked on, but at the same time finding people more and more irritating and my own lack of tolerance. Im a strange combination of an introvert but wanting to be around people but hating them as well!!

Iamnotabot · 09/03/2025 20:10

gannett · 09/03/2025 16:20

Lots of posters blaming perimenopause for being a hostile old bag (rather than accepting it's a character flaw) yet no one likes being called out for hostility and other people blaming it on the perimenopause 🤔

This level of misanthropy is just being a twat. You ARE the person in public that no one else wants to be around and who makes supermarkets and trains so awful, with your barely concealed tutting and dirty looks and disapproving air.

I'm far from a people-pleaser - maybe this is why I'm happy to be around people I like? Because I never socialised just to keep people happy, I socialised because I found friends I genuinely like.

When I was younger (and even now when I'm not so young) I always hated the way disapproving old women made me feel, and swore never to be like them. So judgmental, so irritable, so disapproving. I have misanthropic tendencies like anyone but it'd be so toxic to let them rule my life.

But I never used to be like this? I think character flaws kick in a bit sooner than 44.

Iamnotabot · 09/03/2025 20:15

gannett · 09/03/2025 17:05

Never claimed to have transcended impatience and likely never will, but I don't go around boasting about my misanthropy or claiming it's some kind of enlightened hormonal state.

Show quote history

Never claimed to have transcended impatience and likely never will

So you’re just being a dick then?

Beautifulweeds · 09/03/2025 20:28

I've always been mega sociable, a party girl, work hard and play hard! Any opportunity to travel, have fun, everyone knew I was there for it. Loved shopping, spent all day getting new clothes, supermarket straight after work on a Friday evening, cook then gwt ready to go out.

Now, since turning 50, the last thing I want to do is get dressed up and go out, choose quiet times for grocery shop, buy on vinted rather than shops. It's a mix of less energy, cba with the taxis, overpriced drinks and don't feel the same getting dressed up, know I have to get up early next day for DC. Probably most of all is losing loved ones, going through brutal grief, I'm not the same person anymore 💔