To not like being around other people the older I get...

[Totallybannanas]

I’m approaching 45 and have noticed that my people-pleasing tendencies have faded. Lately, I find myself feeling more irritated by others and have little desire to be around people I don’t know. Today at the supermarket, my frustration kept building—I caught myself tutting and muttering under my breath. Between people blocking aisles with their trolleys, chatting in large groups so I couldn’t get to the shelves, and kids getting in the way, it was all just too much. The rising cost of food and frequent empty shelves only added to my annoyance.
I’ve even started avoiding my neighbors because I don’t have the patience for small talk and need a lot of alone time. Meeting up with friends and family feels more like an obligation than something I enjoy. I’ve always been introverted and made the effort, but now I just want to stay home, even spending time away from my husband. I genuinely enjoy my own space and just relaxing.
Can anyone else relate? I know I’m not perfect and probably irritate others too, but the irony is that I find most people inconsiderate, rude, and unpredictable! 😳

I am the same OP.
I rarely make plans because I just can't be bothered with people and I really need my down time.
I am sitting in my bedroom for half an hour now...have family coming later for a Sunday roast which I prepared myself for...but already today we have had two unexpected visitors so I feel peopled out already.
Just hoping noone arrives early for the evening meal.
Looking forward to Thursday when I have no plans and no work.

I shop at night now. Must shops near me are open late. Otherwise I may lose the rag with someone as I have no patience for stupidity or dithering. Not to mention kids running (it's a shop not a playground). Yup. Late evening shopping keeps me sane!

I think this is another thing people normalise on here, like never answering the door, retreating inside ‘my little family’, or not leaving the house unless absolutely necessary. A disproportionate number of people on here simply can’t handle basic interactions with other people and have decided to label this (inaccurately) as ‘introversion’. Probably relatedly, a disproportionate number of people on here are unusually irritable and simmering with suppressed resentment with others, and have decided to call, this ‘menopause’. I think it’s far more likely to be a matter of belatedly recognising their longtime people-pleasing tendencies, which they’d previously normalised. ‘Menopause’ has become a catch-all label for living in a state of permanent fury which I’m not sure has all that much to do with hormonal changes.

Ultimately, OP, I suppose it’s up to you whether you want to live the rest of your life huffing and tutting. You have two choices. You do what I did for a couple of years a long time back, and live on an otherwise uninhabited island which got cut off from supply boats for weeks in bad weather. Or you acknowledge that it’s unlikely the rest of the world has suddenly become spectacularly rude, have some therapy, and figure out what all this rage is really about.

I feel exactly the same regarding alone time. I LOVE spending time by myself and although I don’t get irritated in the supermarket as such, I feel exactly the same as you when bumping into neighbours and having to make small talk.

Being in a busy office 5 days a week and surrounded by people (some very annoying, but they might feel the same about me 🤣) I relish my weekends, where mostly it’s just me and DH these days as DS (18) is out and about.

I’m 55 and have a colleague of similar age who is the complete opposite, always out and about, doesn’t like to be by herself and always has plans, so I’m not sure it’s an age thing as such. I feel so dull every Monday when asked if I had a good weekend, yep, same old same old, but I enjoy it!

This is the first stage of perimenopause. The second stage is completely losing patience for your close family too and wanting to live on an island with a load of cats.

I think you're doing well to have only started feeling like this now, at 45. I'm 38 and I've felt this for a good couple of years.

I used to love people, and socialising, and chatting and small talk. Now people just irritate me. Especially in Supermarkets. Will you GET out of the way!

I'm over the menopause and I have less patience than ever. I get irritated so quickly and I wish I didn't.

Just to add, I do still venture out at the weekend with DH, but it’s chilled, no organised plans, just impromptu walk into the village for a pint and a roast, or a relaxing Saturday with a cocktail or two. There’s no dashing about organising taxis anymore for nights out, apart from the odd special birthday or family event.

Most importantly for me is time by myself though, I need that time to recharge.

One person who usually calls by unexpectedly is FIL, of course we always answer the door but I need to sit and stare at a wall for half an hour after he’s gone as he never stops talking. Talks over you, talks about all sorts of things and people who we don’t know, never stops. He’s exhausting. He has no self awareness and it’s always a one way conversation.

Doesn't everyone?!

And that irritates tf out of me! 🤣

I’m not sure I was ever a people pleaser as such but suffered fools quite gladly. Not any more. My levels of intolerence have gone through the roof. Blaming it on the perimenopause.

Meaning my FIL!

This is me. Late 40s and find I like people less and less as the years go by. I was very much a people pleaser back in the day but now I'm a seething mass of irritation. Small children annoy me, young adults really annoy me, elderly people annoy me, the supermarket shop annoys me, other drivers annoy me, also (and ironically) people ranting about non issues annoy me. There are genuinely two people in the entire world I can say I like to be with. However, I embrace my new self and quite like that I no longer feel required to please other people.

I hear you. I'm a lot older than you but felt this way since around your age.
I really can't be arsed with small talk. I have one very close friend with whom it's ok. We can have a companiable silence without having to chatter incessantly.
I can read a book or get on with the washing while she's around and vice versa.
Same with dh. Everybody else can fuck off.

Im the same op ive been like it all my life tbh.
I feel for them that have kids at home and feel like this with peri meno in the mix i dont know how they do it.

I used to be a late night shopper, but the cold and dark evenings put me off. Plus I am permanently knackered so like to be in my PJ's. Once I'm home from work, that's it until the next day!

I'm a similar age and 100% agree with you!

Visit your doctor. You are peri-menopausal and can get help for this.

I agree with @StillLifeWithEggs . I don't really recognise this level of anger directed at other people just for going about their normal business. I'm happy enough in my own company and don't socialise as much since I've got older, but I don't find most people rude and inconsiderate. I usually find that people are pleasant enough if I'm pleasant to them.

Lots of posters blaming perimenopause for being a hostile old bag (rather than accepting it's a character flaw) yet no one likes being called out for hostility and other people blaming it on the perimenopause 🤔

This level of misanthropy is just being a twat. You ARE the person in public that no one else wants to be around and who makes supermarkets and trains so awful, with your barely concealed tutting and dirty looks and disapproving air.

I'm far from a people-pleaser - maybe this is why I'm happy to be around people I like? Because I never socialised just to keep people happy, I socialised because I found friends I genuinely like.

When I was younger (and even now when I'm not so young) I always hated the way disapproving old women made me feel, and swore never to be like them. So judgmental, so irritable, so disapproving. I have misanthropic tendencies like anyone but it'd be so toxic to let them rule my life.

Oh and supermarkets are just innately irritating? Strange that you'd expect to enjoy yourself in one. Get in, do the necessary, get out.

We have positioned ourselves several hours from family (who all live at different points of the compass) which was great when we were 10 years younger and looked forward to having them to stay/visiting them.

Now we're in our early 40s, we both DREAD a weekend of family staying with every fibre of our beings.

It's TOO much time in someone else's company, and too much work to host and think of what we could do to pass the time.

I just want to have a lie in and go to the gym!

The way you are so judgy, hating on ‘ disapproving old women’ and saying ‘ hostile old bag’ doesn’t inspire confidence that you’ve transcended impatience with others.

Never claimed to have transcended impatience and likely never will, but I don't go around boasting about my misanthropy or claiming it's some kind of enlightened hormonal state.

This is me.
I was so people-pleasing before this that I almost feel embarrassed thinking about it, now people know if they are annoying me 😂