To not like being around other people the older I get...

[Totallybannanas]

I’m approaching 45 and have noticed that my people-pleasing tendencies have faded. Lately, I find myself feeling more irritated by others and have little desire to be around people I don’t know. Today at the supermarket, my frustration kept building—I caught myself tutting and muttering under my breath. Between people blocking aisles with their trolleys, chatting in large groups so I couldn’t get to the shelves, and kids getting in the way, it was all just too much. The rising cost of food and frequent empty shelves only added to my annoyance.
I’ve even started avoiding my neighbors because I don’t have the patience for small talk and need a lot of alone time. Meeting up with friends and family feels more like an obligation than something I enjoy. I’ve always been introverted and made the effort, but now I just want to stay home, even spending time away from my husband. I genuinely enjoy my own space and just relaxing.
Can anyone else relate? I know I’m not perfect and probably irritate others too, but the irony is that I find most people inconsiderate, rude, and unpredictable! 😳

And yet, here you are, being judgemental and self-important 🤔

did you not read the op? About the huffing and puffing? The irritation?

Actually I said I was muttering and tutting under my breath.

'Muttering and tutting under your breath, often done in a quiet, almost inaudible way, suggests you're expressing discontent or disapproval without wanting others to hear your exact words. '

Or I can say how I really feel here while still behaving in public like I'm meant to, still being nice to people because I know they are likely carrying their own burdens and why would I want to make their day harder?

I am a very supportive person, I help those around me and strangers more readily than most, I help wildlife too, I smile at people who look like they need it and feel good if it seems to brighten their day a bit, I'm still nice to people who are doing annoying things like leaving their trolleys across the aisle in every single aisle, I let people in when I'm driving when I don't have to (and it's not a traffic hazard to do so).

But I still feel like I want to be alone much of the time, find socialising tiring and do have fair boundaries. If I didn't tell you how I was feeling, if you met me you'd never know.

More than half the general public behave like this in supermarkets and the other half want to. It's not menopause or peri or anything else, it's just that places are crowded and shit lol.

But none of those are on MN. Only the ones who are incredibly considerate and polite, while secretly detesting everyone.

I'd like to think I'm polite in the supermarket. I make sure to keep my trolley out of the way, I wait patiently for my turn to get something. Then again, I tend to go to the supermarket when it's quieter and I don't mind going to the supermarket at all. The part I find annoying is when I get home and have to haul it all inside.

Oh wait, I do have an annoying supermarket quirk which is probably taking more items than some people think I should through the self checkout. Too bad.

Outrageous! I'd be behind you passively aggressively staring at the 10 items or less sign! 🤣

There is no ten items or less sign. There's not actually any stated limit. Then again, I do shop at a time of day there will always be free ones. Doing it myself I know I get my supermarket items packed properly (i.e., don't get meat and cleaning products in same bag, or meat and vegetables to be eaten raw in the same bag, etc).

I'm older than you ,56, but have become totally intolerant of men. I'm late to the menopause experience, but now I'm in it, I feel that your hormones drop, taking the scales from your eyes with them. Suddenly you see people clearly.

She bristled particularly, I realised, if I got into the car in a good mood. Which did not last long, obviously, in her company… She also worked as a bouncer at night — I’m not sure whether it was teaching driving or bouncing that had soured her so radically.

I did. But the OP was saying that she was tutting and muttering under her breath simply because others were being irritating and selfish.
Not that she wants everyone else to be sunshine and rainbows WHILST she can carry on ‘huffing and puffing’

She was saying bc she has little patience for people. And I kind of see where she is coming from. I don’t mutter or tut but by god some people are so lacking in spacial awareness and are so utterly selfish when you’re out and about that it’s hard not to get annoyed by them.

Dont get me wrong, on my morning walk I will try catch everyone’s eye who I meet and smile or say good morning. But idiots in the supermarkets are another breed.

I feel this way at 40!!

I think it's a reflection on people being unhappy with themselves. So easy to project it out to other people! I do it myself.

Agree with you. I think as a nation or as a generation we have become much more inward looking. This has a negative effect on everyone, unfortunately.

It's probably societal, economic, situational as much as on an individual level. It is much easier to remain isolated these days when we have the internet and home delivery and so on.

That’s really what you took from that post? Sorry but you sound very bitter.

Love this. I'm still feeling very nurturing and peopley and I'm surprised that's a symptom as older women are usually more caring than anyone.

Bitter about what?

💯 agree with this.
not seen friends for ages. They haven’t bothered with me either to be fair.

mum 46. I feel knackered every weekend. Then work starts again on Monday and I feel more knackered.
i feel that every one wants a piece of me and all I want to do is hide away!

Is this actually true? I keep reading on here about the how we start to lose oestrogen and no longer have rose tinted glasses. I've always suffered with PMT, especially before the coil. I know my hormones can really effect my mood and patience. However, I am still polite and nice to people. I just don't want to be around strangers so much and have less tolerance for inconsiderate people.

Before the supermarket I left the gym and someone had basically parked so close next to my car the I couldn't open my car door! I had to climb over the seat so that annoyed me. Then I let someone out and no thank you it just added to my annoyance. Everyday in the paper is negative news and war and violence. I just want to stay in my bubble.

Do you genuinely think someone tutting and huffing around a supermarket, clearly irritated by everyone around them is any more pleasant to be around than the other types of irritating and selfish people there? Spoiler: they’re not.

If you think people can’t see and / or feel your irritation and impatience you are stunningly lacking self awareness. They can. It’s palpable.

I don’t think the sort of person who parks their trolly right across the aisle, blocking it, as they gaze at the shelves is sufficiently in tune with their surroundings to pick up on any huffing.

Then the huffing and puffing and all that palaver is entirely wasted and the only one using up their energy is the huffer and puffer. I just can’t be dealing with it.

As I and others have said in this thread, there seems to be a celebration of misandry on mn. These people claim to hate the rudeness and bad Attitude of “people nowadays” whilst lacking any self awareness that the “I hate the world. Fuck off world” attitude is part of the problem.

I’ve been through, I’m going though, the menopause. I have to deal with my fair share of arseholes. I refuse to stoop to their level.

Well if they could see me then could have been more considerate and moved so I could get through! Honestly, people are too busy to notice or even care about anyone else.

well you don’t have to deal with it as long as you don’t park your trolly across the aisle if you don’t even know about it. You realise no-one’s actually yelling at people to get out of the effing way right? Thought crimes only.