To not like being around other people the older I get...

[Totallybannanas]

I’m approaching 45 and have noticed that my people-pleasing tendencies have faded. Lately, I find myself feeling more irritated by others and have little desire to be around people I don’t know. Today at the supermarket, my frustration kept building—I caught myself tutting and muttering under my breath. Between people blocking aisles with their trolleys, chatting in large groups so I couldn’t get to the shelves, and kids getting in the way, it was all just too much. The rising cost of food and frequent empty shelves only added to my annoyance.
I’ve even started avoiding my neighbors because I don’t have the patience for small talk and need a lot of alone time. Meeting up with friends and family feels more like an obligation than something I enjoy. I’ve always been introverted and made the effort, but now I just want to stay home, even spending time away from my husband. I genuinely enjoy my own space and just relaxing.
Can anyone else relate? I know I’m not perfect and probably irritate others too, but the irony is that I find most people inconsiderate, rude, and unpredictable! 😳

Actually my cat is more like a dog and to be fair I think he’d follow me anywhere 😆

Ditto 😆

Sometimes we aren't raised to believe that our needs matter too and we always put others before ourselves. There are many ways I have marched to the beat of my own drum but it wasn't until I was 30 that I started to see some of the patterns I'd been raised with and understand it wasn't difficult of me to have needs. My mother is a martyr (still) and I don't plan to be like that. It's also a time of life where I have less energy and my parents are starting to make demands while I still have other demands I can't put aside and are very demanding. Maybe at this time we get to the stage where we wake up and experience enough personal growth that we can take more charge of our lives?

I'm personally loving the world at the moment, on my terms. I still have a lot of demands and caregiving requirements on me but I am more able to advocate for myself in it. I do wish I had been able to see the world this way 30ish years ago when I was newly launched into the world as a poorly equipped 17 year old.

I have, at least it seems, broken that cycle with my children. They know their needs and feelings matter and that if other people aren't happy with their choices, then it doesn't mean there is something wrong with them.

You yourself have described how you act and feel about other people. You have said you huffed and muttered, that you find it increasingly difficult to hide your irritation. That you wish other people would be less rude and irritating. I don’t see how I’ve twisted your words. In fact, I think you are getting back what you are giving out.

Im older than you. I’m no people pleaser or pushover or wallflower I assure you. I just don’t hate everyone else in the world. Call me an insufferable Pollyanna if you like, just because I’m not a misanthropic grump. To be honest if you were my friend I’d be happy to be spending less time with you. At my stage of life I only want positive energy around me, people who raise me up, not bring me down (friends and family in need excepted of course!).

I totally get this sentiment OP. I'm 38 but always been very introverted and made the conscious decision to turn off the people pleasing in the last few years which has turned me into a bit of a hermit. I have some really lovely friends but it drains my battery to socialise, I would rather be curled up at home with my partner and my dogs than in the noisy bustle of the outside world. I've created a cosy peaceful introvert nest at home and I'd just rather be there! I also avoid neighbours, can't stand unplanned banal small talk. I don't think my busy public facing job has helped matters tbh, makes you run out of tolerance for people after a while.

100% this - l am turning into my mother!!

I've been like this since lockdown. I had no idea I hated socialising and all the running around until suddenly I didn't have to do it anymore. It felt like a huge weight had been lifted off me. I have autismmbut managed to mask quite well before, but things never really went back to normal.

I just really enjoyed just spending time with DH, dc and the animals.

Our holidays have shifted from busy ones with packed beaches to isolated cottages in the wilderness, it's fantastic! If the dc were older I'd be looking at moving somewhere out if the hustle and bustle too.

That’s not how PMT works

@highlandcowbag
Your last sentence summed it up for me - men do this all the time and no-one says a fucking word.

They’re talking about oestrogen depletion in menopause.

Don't know about the estrogen (which wasn't so bad when I had it tested) but I think, for me, it's a combination of high demands on my life, just being tired, PTSD, and lock downs showing me that I actually quite like having more space and quiet.

That doesn't mean I need to be rude to people though. I still choose to be nice to people and smile at them.

Yabu and I don't think you can just dump it all on menopause. You're not perfect, don't expect others to be. But we live in a society which means interaction. No man/woman is an island.

I assume they are having a bad day and just ignore them.

Depending how long it's been going on for though, maybe OP needs to talk to her GP. Maybe some blood tests and an evaluation for anxiety or depression are in order if she really goes around huffing and puffing and grumping at people. Most of us draw the line at thinking things but still being pleasant.

I agree that you can prefer to be solitary and prefer your own company whilst still behaving in a perfectly civil manner when out and about. We will always encounter ill-mannered idiots but if it's all you're looking for it's all you'll see. I do choose not to put myself in situations where I know I will be overwhelmed with other people's shit though. Like I don't go shopping on Saturday mornings or Christmas eve. I don't go to bars or restaurants in the busiest bits of town. I don't try and use public transport at rush hour. I am lucky that I have the choice to avoid situations that will overwhelm me.
I do think hormones have a part in how women cope with their situations. But I also think choice is important. Many times women of a certain age find themselves with obligations and feelings of being powerless to affect change. We can often be the sandwich between teen/young adult children who need our support and ageing parents who need our support. We are still compelled to work. We are still expected to take on much of (if not all of) the physical and mental load at home. The feeling that we have no choice in how this all plays out can cause resentment and a wish to just be alone. We have come to understand that we can't control other people- we can only control ourselves. So the thought of living alone is attractive because we know that we would be able to control our lives completely without the competing expectations and actions of others.

That's great I wouldn't want you as a friend either. You sound delightful. Enjoy you lovely positive life 😊

Thank you for proving my point so succinctly in three short sentences. It seems to me that you are one of those people who positively enjoys being a misery. I’ll leave you to it.

It's definitely a hormonal thing. Perimenopause at its finest. We finally get to shake off that #bekind shit. It's fabulous.

The only sad thing is when you realise that this is how men have felt their whole lives. It's a staggering eye opener! And explains a lot.

I’ve had, and heard of, too many cases where something awful happens and that “village” is nowhere to be seen. Or the village turns up but only for social credit, only to disappear again. I don’t put too much stock in it.

I wasn’t though

The #bekind hashtag is annoying but it wasn't even around a decade ago so it's not that you're shaking off. And being unkind isn't the flex you think it is.

I do find it interesting that I was quite misanthropic when young, and have never once had an issue putting myself first, and now I'm the one telling a bunch of people-pleasers that as I get older the more I realise people are alright, actually.

You're fairly black and white in your approach to that poster. Just because they don't prescribe to the #bekind nonsense doesn't mean they are being unkind now let alone flexing about it.

And yes isn't it interesting that people with different life experiences have different opinions and attitudes.

So you’re allowed to tell OP you would never be her friend nerr nerr but god forbid she should say the same back 🙄

She’s said plenty back to me and others on this thread. I don’t think the hounds of hell could stop her! I am clearly just one of the hordes of irritating morons in the OP’s life. I can live with that.