DH arrived home after night out with another woman

[FlyAway25]

I have had an absolute night of it…apologies if the below is long winded.

DH and I are in the process of separating. Decision was made just after Christmas with that being the final straw.

DH moved into spare room which is on the top floor of the house, so between being up there and working away fairly regularly (one of our issues), we have managed not to see much of each other and the house is in the process of being sold (luckily we had an offer at asking price within a week of it being listed).

DH has been seeing his friends more regularly and staying out later if he goes out on a Friday or Saturday.

I knew he was going out last night and I was woken by him crashing in at gone 2am. This would usually annoy me but I can go back to sleep easy enough.

I then heard what sounded like heels walking on our wooden hallway floor downstairs. I immediately got up out of bed looked downstairs and DH had a woman with him. She looked a bit worse for wear and as soon as she saw me, she turned to DH and said something along the lies of ‘you didn’t tell me about her’, said ‘I’m so sorry’ to me and immediately left the house with DH following after her.

He didn’t return after this and still isn’t home now, so I can only assume they went back to hers instead.

I know we are in the process of separating but AIBU to suggest that it is completely disrespectful for him to bring someone home whilst we are still under the same roof?

I live nearly 2 hours from my parents and my job is here so moving out isn’t an option. DH has some family near but his argument has been that he’s away working so much it makes no sense for him to move out for the sake of a few months. I want him gone after this.

Because I didn’t really fancy the prospect of hearing them ‘at it’ in the room above me!

I highly doubt they have been seeing each other for weeks. DH is away more often than not at the moment and we’ve only been technically ‘over’ for little more than two months.

I wasn’t rude , but I’d have no backbone if I didn’t get up.

Could you speed up the moving out/moving on process? I feel a bit sorry for the other woman, to be honest. He used her to get a reaction out of you; I’d feel pretty humiliated if I were her. You really can’t start your new life until he’s out of your hair.

Of course he knows it's not OK. He would have to have the intelligence if a house brick to think otherwise. I'm thinking you are the one driving the separation OP? He sounds angry and this sounds like an act of aggression.

how long he’s known her makes no difference.

if he has such a bad short term memory he’s forgotten he co habits the house with someone he is in the process of getting divorced from, and he is the one who wants to be bringing people back for a shag, it is indeed him who needs to change his living situation.

you on the other hand need to examine your urgent need to go to bat for a geezer you dont even know who can’t show someone he promised to love and respect the basic decency of not having to hear him fuck. the lady with him managed to - and also immediately recognised why it was something requiring an apology (though she shouldnt have been in the position of needing to give it for him)

obviously he told her a pack of lies too but its brass neck cheek to do such a thing. Obviously it is a difficult situation to be living in but you are trying to be fair so he has pushed this too far.
I would be telling him to stop with a mate for now

"D"H??

Well one did

A similar thing happened to a family member. He started dating a woman, they went back to hers, were getting down in the bedroom, when the front door slammed. My family member looked startled and stopped, for said woman to say 'Oh don't worry it's only my husband'!!! They'd separated but were still living in the same house, a fact she failed to mention!! Let's just say, my family member got out of the house pronto! Absolutely disrespectful to you. I think you both need some ground rules and boundaries. Bringing a random shag home is really inappropriate, especially not telling her the set-up either.

It sounds like she didn't know the circumstances until she was there.

Just see his behaviour as confirmation you’re on a better path to happiness and leave him behind!
very disrespectful.

If he wants to bring women back at 2am or whenever, he should move out.

I agree op. I think it’s totally disrespectful. He can see whoever he wants as you are separating but bringing them to your home is just inappropriate,rude and selfish. I don’t blame you for wanting him gone now.

That's so disrespectful! It doesn't matter that you both own equally it that you're splitting up , you aren't random lodgers to each other. If he's not going to be here often if he's working away then I'd ask him to think about living with family until the sale is complete. Yes he might not agree but hopefully he's not such a complete insensitive knob when he's sober as he is when drunk

He got through the door 20 minutes ago out a taxi and seemed a bit drunk still. He walked into the kitchen where I was and asked why I’m jealous of him moving on which I said I’m not but didn’t appreciate him disrespecting me like that in my own home.

He said he owns half the house so can do what he wants but ‘no need to worry as she was only in the area for one night so won’t be seeing her again’. And he said he will give me advance notice next time to which I told him to off and he went upstairs.

Assuming she was in a hotel I don’t know why they didn’t just go there to begin with!

No she didn’t. She apologised and left immediately.

OMG he's such an arsehole! This is so disrespectful to you OP. I can't believe anyone's voted YABU on this.

😂I mean, why wouldn’t you be jealous?! He’s such a catch!

He is a disgrace. Two months separated and he feels justified in such an act of total disrespect? Absolutely rank and totally classless.

I hope, when he sobers up, he realises what a cunt he is. Doubt it though. Inadequate men like this aren’t endowed with the powers of self reflection.

This is disrespectful. I’d be making plans for one of you to leave asap.

Thank god the house is being sold!

Well he sounds a really vindictive, spiteful man and this is deliberate behaviour which he calculates will really upset you.

Keep your dignity. You did the right thing and so did she. Don’t have a screaming match, just ride out this next few months, don’t waste your energy trying to kick him out. I’d explain to him when you are both being civil that you’re not jealous but you both only decided to end your marriage two months ago. To go from husband and wife at Christmas to flatmates bringing back random shags before bloody Easter seems a little much no?

If he’s a half reasonable bloke, I’m sure today when he sobers up he’ll realise that it’s a really shitty thing to do.

Assuming she was in a hotel I don’t know why they didn’t just go there to begin with!

Because he very deliberately wanted to disrespect you in your safe place, trample on your feelings and show you what a big man he is.

It wasn’t a drunken mistake. It was a choice he made to heighten the whole experience for himself - shag some random in the marital home while his wife can hear.

He has no remorse and actually doubled down on it next day, so would probably have invited her to stay for a long cooked breakfast if she’d stayed at your house.

Regardless of him being away a lot, I’d put a rocket under the house sale and get him out of your life asap. Because his attitude the following day tells you this won’t be the last time this happens.

This is really shitty behaviour but try not to jump into an argument. Keep your eyes on the prize and remember that he won’t be a part of your life soon and the house will be sold.

Let him know that both of you should be being respectful of the other and having new partners in the house is something you should both not be doing and leave it at that. The end is hopefully in sight for you and the extra arguing and stress just totally isn’t worth it for you.

In that case I’d be having very loud sex on the nights he’s home and sober. See how he likes listening to it.

Because I didn’t really fancy the prospect of hearing them ‘at it’ in the room above me!

And this is why you can't stay living together. Because he's going to do that eventually. This situation is untenable.