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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Original poster

DH arrived home after night out with another woman

140 replies

FlyAway25 · 09/03/2025 08:11

I have had an absolute night of it…apologies if the below is long winded.

DH and I are in the process of separating. Decision was made just after Christmas with that being the final straw.

DH moved into spare room which is on the top floor of the house, so between being up there and working away fairly regularly (one of our issues), we have managed not to see much of each other and the house is in the process of being sold (luckily we had an offer at asking price within a week of it being listed).

DH has been seeing his friends more regularly and staying out later if he goes out on a Friday or Saturday.

I knew he was going out last night and I was woken by him crashing in at gone 2am. This would usually annoy me but I can go back to sleep easy enough.

I then heard what sounded like heels walking on our wooden hallway floor downstairs. I immediately got up out of bed looked downstairs and DH had a woman with him. She looked a bit worse for wear and as soon as she saw me, she turned to DH and said something along the lies of ‘you didn’t tell me about her’, said ‘I’m so sorry’ to me and immediately left the house with DH following after her.

He didn’t return after this and still isn’t home now, so I can only assume they went back to hers instead.

I know we are in the process of separating but AIBU to suggest that it is completely disrespectful for him to bring someone home whilst we are still under the same roof?

I live nearly 2 hours from my parents and my job is here so moving out isn’t an option. DH has some family near but his argument has been that he’s away working so much it makes no sense for him to move out for the sake of a few months. I want him gone after this.

OP posts:
Errors · 09/03/2025 08:14

YANBU and completely and utterly disrespectful of him OP I am so sorry!
Even worse that he didn’t tell the woman he brought home about you living there? If I was her I would have been livid and would never have seen him again. What a prize wanker

DustyLee123 · 09/03/2025 08:14

As he owns half you can’t kick him out, but you do need to agree on people coming over or not

DazedDragon · 09/03/2025 08:16

Wow! How disrespectful.

You need to set some rules.

If he wants to shag other women then that's fine but absolutely NOT in the family home.

I assume there are no kids involved here?

Waterlilysunset · 09/03/2025 08:16

Have you got children?!

Adhikv · 09/03/2025 08:16

That’s awful, strong words about boundaries and respect while you’re sharing a home are needed

toomuchfaff · 09/03/2025 08:17

on the plus side, looks like you definitely definitely definitely made the right choice to split.

YANBU Needs stating that (shouldn't have to be said) nobody brings anyone home to fuck at 2am (or anytime).

Being amicable adults isn't in his make up then I'm guessing.

RedToothBrush · 09/03/2025 08:18

He's only thought with his dick and not about respecting either you or the other woman.

This alone says you are right to separate. Take comfort in that.

RedHelenB · 09/03/2025 08:19

You're separated, he's presumably paying the mortgage. I wouldn't like it in your position but you're sharing a house and he can host who he likes as can you.

Original poster
FlyAway25 · 09/03/2025 08:19

No we don’t have any children fortunately, and both of us said if we want friends round then just to agree in advance but to date neither of us have (aside from a couple of times when DH has been away I’ve had a friend over for dinner).

I didn’t expect him to take that to mean he could bring back any random person he pulls on a night out - I would never be so disrespectful.

OP posts:
madamweb · 09/03/2025 08:21

He's being disrespectful to both of you.

And foolish. No self respecting woman is going to appreciate a man talking her back to the house in these circumstances.

madamweb · 09/03/2025 08:23

RedHelenB · 09/03/2025 08:19

You're separated, he's presumably paying the mortgage. I wouldn't like it in your position but you're sharing a house and he can host who he likes as can you.

I mean he can, technically. But he has to be ok with op doing the same.

And I can't imagine there are many women who have so little respect for others that they would be happy to shag a man while his ex wife was in the house

GretchenWienersHair · 09/03/2025 08:23

What on earth! I’m so sorry you had to deal with this, OP. You are absolutely NBU and he’s is a complete and utter shit. How can he even think that’s ok?!

LeonoraFlorence · 09/03/2025 08:25

I’m sorry, OP. This is awful. At least you know you’ve made the right decision! Surely any self respecting woman would see the red flags last night and not just take him back to hers instead?! The mind boggles.

OverthinkingOlive · 09/03/2025 08:25

Fair played to her!

JoyDreamer86 · 09/03/2025 08:29

You've separated, house is in process of being sold, you hardly ever see each other. He was presumably drunk and it was early hours so perhaps thought he could sneak in but made more noise due to being drunk. There's no kids involved. Its crappy but not a big deal. Your both separate adults now.

Ohdeardearme · 09/03/2025 08:32

Well at least the woman had the decency to leave but why she would still want to have sex with him is a mystery to me.

That was a totally disgusting way to treat someone you once exchanged marriage vows with. The sooner he is out of your life the better OP.

Imbusytodaysorry · 09/03/2025 08:36

RedToothBrush · 09/03/2025 08:18

He's only thought with his dick and not about respecting either you or the other woman.

This alone says you are right to separate. Take comfort in that.

Agree

Gemmawemma9 · 09/03/2025 08:39

YANBU. He’s horrible. I would change the locks before he’s back. Disrespectful prick.

Endofyear · 09/03/2025 08:42

Gemmawemma9 · 09/03/2025 08:39

YANBU. He’s horrible. I would change the locks before he’s back. Disrespectful prick.

It's his house too. She can't just change the locks.

ChickenLittlesCat · 09/03/2025 08:47

RedHelenB · 09/03/2025 08:19

You're separated, he's presumably paying the mortgage. I wouldn't like it in your position but you're sharing a house and he can host who he likes as can you.

Yes, he can legally. But it doesn't make it right. Legally she can paint his room pink and fill it with porcelain dolls next time he goes out on the piss too. Should stop any women from staying around .

Hmm. Actually OP. That's a thought. Maybe open a can of this as well?www.jokeshop.co.uk/det/246/Liquid-Ass-The-ultimate-fart-spray/

sparepantsandtoothbrush · 09/03/2025 08:53

RedHelenB · 09/03/2025 08:19

You're separated, he's presumably paying the mortgage. I wouldn't like it in your position but you're sharing a house and he can host who he likes as can you.

Legally he can do what he wants, morally it's absolutely disgusting and really disrespectful.

Will you talk about it when he gets home OP or will that just cause an argument?

Devonshiregal · 09/03/2025 08:58

he might have been meeting up with her longer than just tonight. Just judging by how he went after her and hasn’t returned

MolluscMonday · 09/03/2025 09:00

This situation is madness. Nesting arrangements are hard enough when you have to have them because you’ve got kids, but you don’t!

What’s the plan, is the house being sold or is one of you buying the other out? Get that sorted and started this week and in the meantime agree some more explicit ground rules.

ExtraOnions · 09/03/2025 09:03

He might not have only met her tonight, but seeing her for a few weeks
She may well have been over previously when you weren’t there
You have had friends over yourself
You are separated … he may well have forgotten you were even there.

Why did you get up up take a look ?

You need to change your living situation.

Orangesinthebag · 09/03/2025 09:08

JoyDreamer86 · 09/03/2025 08:29

You've separated, house is in process of being sold, you hardly ever see each other. He was presumably drunk and it was early hours so perhaps thought he could sneak in but made more noise due to being drunk. There's no kids involved. Its crappy but not a big deal. Your both separate adults now.

I hate posts like this.
Of course he can do what he wants but FFS these people married each other, it's not just a casual relationship that's broken up!
He is a complete wanker for showing you this level of disrespect and of course you are right to feel both annoyed & upset by it.

One silver lining though - at least you know you are absolutely making the right choice in splitting up with him.