Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

[TakingBackSunday]

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well

You have slipped into a relationship pattern where he acts like a selfish arse and you pander to his needs.

Yep. As I always say, who's raising all these selfish man-child twats? And yet they keep doing it.

If he doesn’t take the keys he goes and sleeps somewhere else, I wouldn’t have waited up to 12 either. I’d be waking him this morning to deal with the kids because now you’ve had the same amount of sleep as him, his made the whole thing a pointless drama.

You had to wait up until after 2.30 am to open the door for him because he can't be bothered carrying a key? What kind of man would make his wife do that? It's absurd.

so it’s always a woman’s fault, then?

Lock the door. At least pretend to be asleep. Play faux naive- ‘you mean you expected me to just wait up for you? Is that because you’re going to get up with the kids in the morning? No? Then I lock the door and go to bed, I’m sorry do you not actually think I’m a real person, just a service robot to wait by the door at the evening and attend to the children first thing in the morning while you go out and sleep in?’

I must live in a really safe area as I would just go to bed and leave the door unlocked so
No need to take keys or stay awake.

Yawn 🥱

Yes I said that didn't I. It's always women's fault.

Even if that's correct. At what point do men take responsibility for their own actions?

DH and I both had separate hobbies that we often pursued on a Sunday morning.

Once DS came along that wasn't practical. So DH had first dibs on the first and second Sundays and I had first dibs on the third and fourth. Any Fifth Sundays were bacon sandwich days.

Communication and compromise on both sides, otherwise a relationship is doomed to flounder in resentment and misunderstanding.

This
And personally, I think he is behaving like a spoilt teenager - nip this in the bud now or forever be pandering to his every whim.
If he is genuinely concerned about losing keys why not allocate a hiding place to put a key on the nights he will be going out?? Not a perfect solution but at leat you can lock up and go to bed.
Also, after his late night jollies make sure the children make plenty of noise when they get up.

Why do we always blame women? He is an adult and can make his own choices regardless of his upbringing.

Yep, you did.

Two parents I assume, one male, one female.

That’s right, blame women when men fuck up

Please, he's an adult and he's choosing to act this way. Let's say he's always been pandered to - that's an explanation not an excuse. He's responsible for his own behaviour.

OP you and your children deserve better. Please consider getting irl support/look into the freedom programme.

I'd just text him saying, I'm going to bed, stay with a mate tonight, if you come home and wake up the kids, you're staying up with them.

Well the OP dated him, moved in together and now has lived with him for at number of years and chose to have a second child. So anything that's going on, isn't the fault of the woman who birthed him. It's on him, thinking he gas the OP were he wants her. She hasn't woken up to it being coercive control, hopefully, yet. I've known abusive men whose mothers wouldn't take the shit from her DH, or son that their partners do. Men aren't abusive because of women.

You Are minimising frankly awful controlling behaviour

dripping him off with kids - no
not taking keys - a huge no

he has made yiu wait up for him and then I assume is probably still lying in bed now when you have been up for hours

No this isn't a thing. My two DCs have always had their keys let alone a grown man. I've never lost my keys going out.

Your time is not valuable to him. It's ok for you to sit in traffic, it's ok for you to wait up, it's ok for you not to go out (even if god forbid you had to in an emergency) because he will be back by 12, it's ok for you to deal with the DC because he will be hung over. You are staff not a partner

I feel very very sorry for the op.

It isn't your fault that he's a selfish arsehole op, but you are the only one who can do anything about it. He won't change.

I would bet £5 they both grew up in families where the men did whatever they like, women tolerated it - and that all their friendship group are the same. Probably much mirth and 'bants' when the blokes get together 'the missus let you out did she hahaha how funny' 'the old ball and chain got you under her thumb' . Grim.

He's an arsehole and you're the servant of an arsehole. This isn't the life you want, is it?

Why do women type this shite?

" He's not that bad " YES he is op, he is God awful, he has no respect for you none and you're letting him get away with it!

"He's actually not that bad" ...... WTF???? Yes, yes he is, he's a selfish asshole. I would be furious. Making you stay up so you can let him in. Then he's rolling in drunk with no intention to be up with the kids next day. Why are you justifying this??!!

I was highlighting your mistake when presumably trying to use the word pandering, after your oddly aggressive response to a totally valid query from another poster.

(Pandying is a regional term for smacking a child. I can’t imagine that’s what you meant.)