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AIBU?

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Original poster

Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

285 replies

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 00:52

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well Hmm

OP posts:
PinkArt · 09/03/2025 13:24

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 02:01

I've literally explained in the thread, I offered them him and he said no, he'd be back at 12 so doesn't need them - I'm guessing cos he didn't want to lose them.

I don't even know myself tbh, I did question it but he'd be back at 12 so it's fine 🙄

Show quote history

He does it because of control.
It's not enough for him that he's going out while you stay at home, the whole household needs to take him out and then you'll have to stay awake to let him back in again. He could very easily get himself into town and take keys with him, like normal people do, but he has made choices to deliberately disrupt your night as much as possible.
No way I'd tolerate that. Tell him that was his one and only strike. Also, look at your own role in this dynamic. You could have said no to the lift, you could have said if he doesn't take keys you won't be opening the door for him, you could have locked up and gone to sleep. If he is trying to play nasty games, don't enable them

Somehowgirl · 09/03/2025 13:34

Unless you need a bunch of keys like a jailer, I don't understand why two keys in his pocket is such a burden. He sounds nuts to be making a big deal out of it.

My husband carries about 8 keys everywhere with a lanyard clipped to his belt loop.

JFDIYOLO · 09/03/2025 13:36

I'd hoped the kids had been up at 6.am playing the trumpet ...

I'm glad he's suffering. Let the zero sympathy continue.

Don't try to address it until he's feeling human again.

Then asap time for an adult/adult conversation with him about his behaviour.

I'm not your mum and you're not a latchkey kid.

I need you to start to

Be more considerate to me and the children.

Take responsibility for yourself.

And next time, to take your keys,
have fun - while respecting my need and my right for sleep.

Nikki75 · 09/03/2025 13:41

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 02:26

I got a notification that an Ubers been booked so he's on his way back then I can get some sleep before little one wakes up.

Key safe might be a good idea but you're right next time he takes keys or I'm locking up at the time he'd say he'd be home 😴

If he is drunk there his no way he would be able to open a keysafe the numbers and letters are tiny and he probably wouldn't remember the code so would wake you anyways😂
How about he behaves like a responsible grown up adult man and he makes sure he doesnt lose his keys , I wouldn't be taking that .

Isthiswhatmenthink · 09/03/2025 14:28

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 11:44

I won't be responding any further to what is now clearly a 'pile on ' by some posters.

It's so ironic that I'm labelled as the 'aggressive' one.

You need to stop making this thread about you. And I think you need to address whatever is prompting you to post in the manner you are, on an online forum.

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 14:45

Nikki75 · 09/03/2025 13:41

If he is drunk there his no way he would be able to open a keysafe the numbers and letters are tiny and he probably wouldn't remember the code so would wake you anyways😂
How about he behaves like a responsible grown up adult man and he makes sure he doesnt lose his keys , I wouldn't be taking that .

Show quote history

I did also think about the getting into key safe thing! Mine is difficult, when sober in daylight….

Let alone, pissed in the dark!

Getupandgogo · 09/03/2025 16:59

Misspelling pandering and doubling down on pandying has made my day.

Don't back down, double down!!!!!

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 17:01

Isthiswhatmenthink · 09/03/2025 14:28

You need to stop making this thread about you. And I think you need to address whatever is prompting you to post in the manner you are, on an online forum.

Show quote history

I have made a one line statement in my first post.

I didn't ask for others comments towards me.

I got several responses picking on my grammar and pulling apart my post.

I was never once 'aggressive'

By responding to insults directed at my spelling/speech and accusations about my viewpoints is not me making a thread about myself. I'm not the one keep @ ing myself.

I am however allowed to defend myself when being taken the p**s out of in a 'pile on' style attack of my seeming lack of intelligence compared to others.

Accusing me of being an online troll making a thread all about me is just false and insulting and adds to the pile on. It really is getting like bullying now. It's not me that needs to look at my behaviour.

I'm going to let the poor OP have her thread back now by NOT responding to all the @s.

I will report further personal insults

Jumpingthruhoops · 09/03/2025 17:06

MuckFusk · 09/03/2025 01:04

I don't understand his reasoning for why he wouldn't take the keys. That's very strange.

When a man doesn't want to take house keys, it means he's planning a BIG night out!

gannett · 09/03/2025 17:17

Jumpingthruhoops · 09/03/2025 17:06

When a man doesn't want to take house keys, it means he's planning a BIG night out!

Show quote history

Isn't that all the more reason to take your keys???

I have been on many a BIG night out and I would like to be able to get back into my house at a time of my choosing.

I just want to sit the non-key-takers down and ask them some questions about their mindset.

Somehowgirl · 09/03/2025 17:31

@gannett

It makes no sense to me either and I think it's downright imbecilic. Just take your keys in your pocket and attach a lanyard/clip/bungee cord to the loop of your belt if you're that worried.

I'm sure he took his phone and card/cash, so what's the difference?

BettyBardMacDonald · 09/03/2025 17:40

To answer your question, men are like that because there is always, always some woman who will put up with them, no matter how crappy, whiny and selfish they are.

zazazoop · 09/03/2025 18:08

Why don't you get a key box

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 18:30

zazazoop · 09/03/2025 18:08

Why don't you get a key box

Or cancel the cheque?

LindaLeggings · 09/03/2025 18:31

DH doesn't like taking his keys because they're bulky in his trousers and he rarely takes a jacket.

LovelyLeitrim · 09/03/2025 19:13

LindaLeggings · 09/03/2025 18:31

DH doesn't like taking his keys because they're bulky in his trousers and he rarely takes a jacket.

So you stay up until 2.30 am to accommodate that?

biscuitsandbooks · 09/03/2025 19:17

LindaLeggings · 09/03/2025 18:31

DH doesn't like taking his keys because they're bulky in his trousers and he rarely takes a jacket.

My response to that would be "Boo Fucking Hoo".

Somehowgirl · 09/03/2025 19:35

LindaLeggings · 09/03/2025 18:31

DH doesn't like taking his keys because they're bulky in his trousers and he rarely takes a jacket.

This is beyond ridiculous

Codlingmoths · 09/03/2025 22:17

LindaLeggings · 09/03/2025 18:31

DH doesn't like taking his keys because they're bulky in his trousers and he rarely takes a jacket.

Umm what? Thats nice. I won’t be staying up for him to accomodate his perfect silhouette. He’d be locked out until he discovered a key safe or man bag, and both would be totally his job.

MagnusCanis · 09/03/2025 22:53

LindaLeggings · 09/03/2025 18:31

DH doesn't like taking his keys because they're bulky in his trousers and he rarely takes a jacket.

They could easily accommodate just one key. He doesn't need to take them all.

crumblingschools · 09/03/2025 23:39

We have a spare door key for just such an occasion, when you don't need car keys, or office keys/fob etc., so no bulky key ring

JFDIYOLO · 10/03/2025 00:07

Tell him you have no choice but to pin his keyring to an inside pocket. And put his gloves on a string through the sleeves of his anorak. And a label with his name and number for an adult to call if he gets lost.

IButtleSir · 10/03/2025 06:48

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 09:28

Oh bore off with all the feminist "gotchas"

I'm allowed an opinion that doesn't follow the entrenched 2025 'groupthink'.

In my experience, pandying mothers can contribute to lazy entitled men.

But you do you. Go save the world.

Show quote history

You mean 'pandering', by the way. Not 'pandying'. Unless you are saying these mothers are using an implement to hit their sons on the palm, which seems unlikely.

And I wonder what the fathers of all these lazy entitled men were up to while their wives were ruining their sons?

IButtleSir · 10/03/2025 06:52

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 17:01

I have made a one line statement in my first post.

I didn't ask for others comments towards me.

I got several responses picking on my grammar and pulling apart my post.

I was never once 'aggressive'

By responding to insults directed at my spelling/speech and accusations about my viewpoints is not me making a thread about myself. I'm not the one keep @ ing myself.

I am however allowed to defend myself when being taken the p**s out of in a 'pile on' style attack of my seeming lack of intelligence compared to others.

Accusing me of being an online troll making a thread all about me is just false and insulting and adds to the pile on. It really is getting like bullying now. It's not me that needs to look at my behaviour.

I'm going to let the poor OP have her thread back now by NOT responding to all the @s.

I will report further personal insults

Show quote history

I have made a one line statement in my first post.
I didn't ask for others comments towards me.

When the one-line statement you make is as ridiculous as yours was, people are going to comment on it.

I am however allowed to defend myself when being taken the ps out of in a 'pile on' style attack of my seeming lack of intelligence compared to others.

And when you repeatedly use the wrong word and, when someone else politely asks what it means, snootily reply, "Google is available," you are going to get people taking the piss out of you.

bigvig · 10/03/2025 07:04

What's he like as a SAHP OP. Are the children school age? Does he do activities with them. Does he do all the housework, look after things like appointments and cooking. He sounds like a thoughtless waster from your post but if he's genuinely a good SAHP I'd cut him some slack this once. However he'd have to take his keys in future. If his idea of being a SAHP is to lounge about and maybe do the school run then I'd be telling him to get a job.