Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

[TakingBackSunday]

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well

What did he do before he lived with you? What does he do if you're not going to be in? What ridiculous behaviour.

It is ridiculous, as you say.

However, he has an enabling wifey who will stay up or get up, to let him in whenever he strolls in, so he doesn't need keys or the responsibility for opening the door when he rocks up. 🙄

@gannett
Lived with his parents, who never lock the door.
We have a key safe so if I'm out maybe he uses that or leaves the back door unlocked. It doesn't bother me in the slightest. I generally wake up when anyone comes in the house anyway so I don't mind him ringing me to open the door.

the father of my kids used to abandon me frequently for wkd football in various capacities. often used to say he would be back by 8pm and returning at 6am. I was staring at my phone all night for a txt or call, we drifted apart and split up as I felt unsupported and lonely. I just think if you don't tell him how you feel about these things or if you have and he doesn't listen, you need to think about whether you are happy with this behaviour forever

You are his servant.

Maybe do the old "Put a key under a plant pot!" Scenario just for that particular night (better in a totally obscure place if poss). I imagine he didn't want to lose them! 😏
What a cheek though, expecting you to drop everything to pander to his (social at that!) needs. He's an adult I presume? I'd go ahead & lock-up especially with little ones around.?🤷‍♀️

Not taking keys is controlling behaviour

I remember a post exactly the same as this a few months ago! If you're the same poster, then you need to LTB! 🙄

Just leave door unlocked? What do you think is going to happen?

I haven’t locked my door in years. Not even when we are out (do have dogs though). And I live in a rough area. It’s highly unlikely anyone is going to just happen to pick your home for a home invasion the one night he’s out late

I have no interest in a back and forth or in insulting you, but I will call out an untruth when I see it.

"Oh bore off with all the feminist "gotchas"

I'm allowed an opinion that doesn't follow the entrenched 2025 'groupthink'.

In my experience, pandying mothers can contribute to lazy entitled men.

But you do you. Go save the world."

That was you, unquestionably being aggressive and nasty in response to a question. So your statement that you were never aggressive is proven false. You can report this if you like, but just know you will only be doing it because you can't take constructive criticism, since I have been perfectly polite.

This is a DH issue, I don’t know any adult that would do this.

I wouldn’t mind the earlier drop off, yes the traffic was annoying, but not that big of a deal up or on to him to tell you about a football match. Likely it would have been difficult and/or expensive to get a taxi in this scenario as well.

I would’ve insisted he take his keys though and agree with you, would be locking up for the night as well. No tolerance though for him waking up the house if he’d done this even once before. He should at least be keeping in contact you with you on his mobile if you’ve agreed to let him in late, not ringing bells or knocking to wake up your DC.

Even my DC (under 18) are more responsible and considerate than to do this.

I would also consider him to have an alcohol problem if he’s leaving his keys because he knows he’s going to get in such a state.

🤣🤣 You're funny.

Sorry Op you both infantalise him and let him treat you like a doormat. Like many spoilt boys treat their mothers. Please be a grown up and insist he acts like one. It’s just not ok. And I have a Yale number lock no more keys. Excellent. It also means any time there is an emergency you can tell someone else the number and they can get in. Please don’t tell us he wouldn’t be able to remember a four digit number.

No, I don't know any men who refuse to carry keys with them.

The fact that you are passing it off as somehow normal - annoying, but normal - seems bizarre to me.

Get a key safe, then next time you can go to bed when you like

Last time my husband took keys he had his coat ( keys in pocket) lifted. I don’t let him take them now it cost £30 for a new door key the keys to the post box, safe and car were also on there 🙄

You don’t allow a grown adult to take their own house keys out @Sometimesright ? I mean take the other stuff off there then, but you don’t let him?

You don’t let him??

I mean he has ( a very strong ) mind of his own but yeah i literally said don’t take those bloody keys! You can’t be trusted to look after them! And he just said sod off or something like it. It wasn’t an argument or even a disagreement I know he didn’t deliberately lose them but tbh it’s as easy for him to use the key safe as take them with him. At least they won’t get pinched again then

Yeah I’m a real scary dragon of a wife that has kept him prisoner for 40 years. He isn’t allowed to do anything. Well except go on a rugby tour this weekend with all his mates. He’s not taking keys then either 😂

That sounds like the kind of telling off you'd give a young child who doesn't look after their school jumper, not a grown adult who is your equal 😬

Yeah probably. More of a moan than a telling off tbf but he is a brilliant husband and I love him to bits. I don’t really care what people think of a two minute conversation we had over keys. Providing he has a nice life ( which he does ) and loves and cares for me as much as I do him ( which he also does ) then we are both happy with our lot 😊

I cannot imagine a grown adult being treated like this, it’s so infantilising him.

Shit happens, if his phone got nicked, would you ban that going out with him as well?

Ffs! I wasn’t treating him like anything it was tongue in cheek as many of our conversations are! When you still have a happy relationship with full trust where you laugh everyday and you are still together after 40 years well then you can make snide comments. At least we are not beating each other ignoring each other and calling each other c**ts every weekend 🙄