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Original poster

Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

285 replies

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 00:52

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well Hmm

OP posts:
pikkumyy77 · 09/03/2025 03:09

Awful. Absolute contempt for you and the kids.

Doingtheboxerbeat · 09/03/2025 03:10

I don't know if it's a man thing specifically but my oldest male friend refuses to take out his phone, whether on holiday, nights or days out.
It's super annoying for everyone and he has come unstuck on many occasions like kicking off after a drunken fight with his bf, storming off and then realising his bf has the keys 😆.

LegoAirlines · 09/03/2025 03:11

He's actually not that bad.

If you think this is ‘not that bad’, your standards are too low. That’s abysmal behaviour.

Hettycan · 09/03/2025 03:30

Halloumiheaven · 09/03/2025 01:05

Usually been bought up by pandying mothers...

Maybe you are right -but isn't the assumption just another form of ingrained misogyny?

Find a women to blame for a man's failings!

It's so rooted in our societal views, we, as women, don't ever recognise it anymore.

ArmyBarbie · 09/03/2025 03:38

Because he's a twat.

dapsnotplimsolls · 09/03/2025 03:43

Ahhh, another Saturday night, another entitled arsehole.

OrdinaryO888 · 09/03/2025 03:44

Vestigially · 09/03/2025 01:47

I can honestly say I don’t know any men who go out without their keys, expect someone to wait up for, or leave the front door unlocked for them till midnight, and then refuse to get up with their children in the morning. I think you picked out a dud.

In my experience the opposite is true!

Many men like to move around completely unhampered by anything and it’s women who walk about piled up with kids backpacks and bags of shopping, while their dhs swans about with nothing but a backward glance!

When I used to work in an office, it was obvious when it came to the end of the day how the blokes used to tidy their desks briefly, put their coats on, and were gone. Whereas the women, collected the food shopping they had done at lunch time from the fridge, or they were burdened with the clothes or a birthday present they had bought for their dc, or a friend of their dc, or they had their toddlers’ nappy bag with them en route to pick them up.

Men seem to very easily drop in and out of family life at will, whereas women never seem to be able to be completely free of it!

OrdinaryO888 · 09/03/2025 03:46

Doingtheboxerbeat · 09/03/2025 03:10

I don't know if it's a man thing specifically but my oldest male friend refuses to take out his phone, whether on holiday, nights or days out.
It's super annoying for everyone and he has come unstuck on many occasions like kicking off after a drunken fight with his bf, storming off and then realising his bf has the keys 😆.

OMG my dh does this when he does the supermarket shop! It’s so annoying when I have forgotten something. He does it repeatedly too.

Flatandhappy · 09/03/2025 04:04

Not installed for similar reasons but we have a keypad lock which is fantastic so nobody has to carry keys. In future though I would insist he takes his keys and tell him “don’t be such a selfish arse, I am not waiting up for you to get home especially as you don’t always come back when you say you will”. Think the kids might be doing some music practice/playing with noisy toys in the morning too.

Bumblebeestiltskin · 09/03/2025 07:20

TakingBackSunday · 09/03/2025 01:55

He's actually not that bad.

I'm just pissed off and tired, he won't get up with the kids cos he'll be hung over, tired whatever and if he does get up with them he'll just be miserable and probably fall asleep watching them so it's better I get up but it's just really frustrating and it could have been solved if he either took the keys when I gave them to him or come home at 12 like agreed.

"He's not that bad"

Goes on to describe why he really is that bad. Your bar seems very low 😞

Itsfiiiine · 09/03/2025 07:36

Some men behave like this because some women tolerate it. It's really that simple. Usually women who follow up with 'he's not that bad', check ✔️
He is, you just have low standards.

Bluenotgreen · 09/03/2025 07:38

Another one here who doesn’t understand the keys thing.

You leave home, you take your fucking keys.

FriendsDrinkBook · 09/03/2025 07:42

I may be jumping to ridiculous conclusions , but exh refused to carry keys. It was part of a pattern of controlling behaviour , he just wanted me to be available to do things for him at all times. It seems ridiculous now , but I actually stopped taking the kids out in the afternoon so that I could let him in to the house. Hopefully this isn't the case for you but it's something to consider.

Truzip · 09/03/2025 07:45

What if you wanted to go to bed before 12? Why does he get to decide that it's "ok" because he will be back by the time he seems reasonable?

Don't you lock the door when you're at home especially in the evening even if you're not in bed? I wouldn't want my door unlocked at 11.30pm even if I wasn't in bed yet.

Since you seem to be playing it down a bit, would next time using this is as evidence on why he should actually take his keys work? Will be apologise today? Can you speak about it later when he's up?

I don't know any men who don't take their keys. This is very odd and very disrespectful to expect you to wait for him then get up with the kids.

Hippee · 09/03/2025 07:46

How old are the kids? I'd be going out now and leaving him to it.

Poonu · 09/03/2025 07:50

"He's actually not that bad"

Why don't you raise your bar and expect better? Get some self respect before your children start thinking your doormat behaviour is normal and repeating it.

unsync · 09/03/2025 07:50

Re-read your posts as if someone else had written them. These are not the actions of someone who thinks about anyone except themselves. You are there to serve him and make his life easier. If you don't do that, he makes your life even more difficult. These are not the actions of someone who cares about you.

Limer · 09/03/2025 07:52

he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Change the locks for something like a Yale that you can't leave unlocked.

Oh and yes, your DH is a massively selfish bellend.

Youcalyptus · 09/03/2025 07:52

I've never heard of a man going out without keys ... except on Mumsnet where I have read this probably about 8 times.

It always turns out later in the thread that the man is a thoughtless, usually abusive, lazy bastard.

It's one of those small tells where you read it and think "Yes, here we go, he's horrible".

We should make a pinned thread with examples actually!

JoyousEagle · 09/03/2025 07:53

I'd have gone to bed at 12 (or whenever I actually wanted to go to bed). I can't understand the mentality of "I won't take keys, I'll just make my partner stay up until I am ready".

devildeepbluesea · 09/03/2025 07:55

Why is he like this? Because you allow him to be.

Enough4me · 09/03/2025 07:57

OP, you wake him early tell him you're going to talk to him once the hangover is past and it's serious. Be absolutely calm and serious. Tell him that never happens again. Do not give him a lift and lock doors next time.

Luddite26 · 09/03/2025 07:57

thislifer · 09/03/2025 01:10

Yes. Then find doormat partners.

Show quote history

This. Why let him then post on here moaning
It would have been better to take the kids out to the park for the time he travelled in a taxi rather than them sitting in the car and he could have locked the door and took his keys.
It's like when kids start getting themselves off to school it's life skills.

Bellaboot · 09/03/2025 07:59

Fucken hell OP, that was gone 2am! The key thing is ridiculous and to answer your question, no men are like this. I have never known a man to not take keys and expect someone to let him in.

Even my 17 year old takes keys and insists I go to sleep and not wait up for him.

I would have locked the doors.

biscuitsandbooks · 09/03/2025 08:00

Why are your standards in the gutter?

He sounds awful and he certainly doesn't seem to give a shit about you or your kids.