Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

[TakingBackSunday]

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well

He really is that bad.

He could've gone out under his own steam but forced you to put your kids in the car for 40 minutes to ferry him there. Then he refused to take his keys knowing you'd have to wait up late to let him in.

What a selfish, inconsiderate shitbox.

He's not alone either. MN this morning is full of threads about useless men with virtually no redeeming qualities calling the shots and expecting their wives/partners to be thankful for being in a relationship with them. Time to raise those bars, ladies!

Definitely get a key safe (a good one). My DH always takes keys - and will always check when we get in the car - drives me mad. I always say it doesn't matter if we haven't, we've got the safe

Next time lock the door and go to bed

This morning , yell "I'm off, you look after the kids " and go out

And when he moans say you are treating him the way he treats you - with no respect or care

I'm not here to retract my opinion because you try to dissect it.

I'm allowed an opinion. If you disagree with it , that's absolutely fine.

Have a lovely day in the sunshine.

Do you stay up until after 12 regardless of whether he's out or was he requiring you to stay up late for him to get in?

Well according to Google pandying "is the present participle of the verb "pandy", which means to punish a child by striking the palm of their hand with a strap or cane. It is mainly used in Scotland and Ireland."

Think you mean pandering.

If you're going to denigrate women for the sins of their sons, at least get the insult right.

You really should retract it, it was nonsense!

You enjoy the sunshine as well!

This isn’t something I’ve ever heard a grown man do, either.

@SuperTrooper14 selfish, inconsiderate shitbox is right :-)

Have you sat up until 2.30am waiting for him to come home?!?

It’s pandering 🤣🤣🤣🤣🤣

OP look up coercive control. Sorry you are going through this. Hope your day today is not too difficult.

Thankyou I will. Lovely day for a family walk.

I don't have to retract my opinion. And I won't. I'm sorry if that disappoints you. Not being able to express opinions is what leads people to whispering their real opinions to their friends in private and filtering them and going along with 'groupthink' in public.

Then men end up in women's toilets....

Don’t be “pandying” to them 🤣🤣🤣🤣

There are so so many threads on MN along these lines where the man has forgotten (or deliberately not taken!) their keys. It's the most baffling thing. Everyone knows plans can change at the drop of the hat. The person who's in might have to go out. The person who's out might stay out longer than planned. Why is it so hard to TAKE YOUR KEYS? This is something that every chaotic drunken 20-something in every houseshare I've ever lived in managed, so what's with all the grown men who can't do it?

In OP's position I wouldn't have let him leave the house without his keys but if he really insisted I'd have just gone to bed when I wanted and let him fend for himself. I'm a heavy sleeper so no guarantees he'd have woken me up even if he'd banged on the door. I'd have also reflected heavily on why I was married to such an idiot.

My DP is absolutely not like this. If he ever pulled a stunt like this he’d be sleeping in the shed. TBH I would too!

There was once a thread on MN about a man who refused to take his keys out ever, but then went mental when his wife wasn’t in to let him into the house. Like she was an unpaid concierge. In that case it was a horrifying sign of a deeply damaged relationship.

Do you think those men need a whack across the palm of the hand?

It is just possible that the same word has different meanings in different locations

@TakingBackSunday Would he do this to his best mate? Would he do this to his boss? No of course not. He's a jeb end and you need to sit him down and tell him his future. He has zero respect for you.

I think you need to accept my simple sentence as one offering of an opinion. I don't think it should be over analysed and dissected and me made to admit I'm wrong.

No idea, do you?

Even so, it’s not women’s fault that men behave badly, nor that they go in women’s toilets.

Get a key safe, leave the keys in there then go to bed.

No, they mean "pandering to". It's not a problem, it's easy to make a mistake with a choice of word, or mishear something originally. However, if someone thinks that's the right word, they get defensive.
Anyway. I think we get what they meant.

I think your original comment, most certainly needed calling out and analysing.

A man behaved badly, blame a woman? Just why?

Why do you tolerate this?

Pandying isn’t the same as pandering in any location!