Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

[TakingBackSunday]

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well

Key safe
Lock all the doors and he sorta himself out when he gets home

To be honest today i'd be banging every saucepan, sing off with the little one and TV on load.

He is that bad.
Won't take keys
Won't get up
Probably came crashing in pissed
You're now sleep deprived
Let kids sit in traffic for no reason.

It's really depressing reading posts like this.

I always wonder what the woman is really getting from the relationship.

It must be so miserable bringing up children and having a man in the house who is nothing but a weight around your neck and causing issues.

The only time Mr Monkey does not take keys is if he is going for a short ish (ie an hour or less) local run and he knows I am definitely going to be in - eg early on a Sunday morning. But if I object he will take them - because he is not a twat.

To answer the question, because people around them let them be. You can’t control other people’s behaviour, you can control your own. I’d rather be alone than tolerate this low level crap.

Take the DC into him, and tell him you have somewhere to be. Also tell him they need feeding (you shouldn't have to really, but he's an idiot)

Is the not taking keys a control thing? to keep Op awake and anxious?

It is a beautiful day for taking up tap-dancing . . .

To answer your question OP - he does it BECAUSE YOU LET HIM

I'm considering locking the door and going to bed but if he knocks or rings the bell it'll wake the whole house plus the neighbours and I don't want to deal with that.

But that would be HIS problem. He bangs on the door, you eventually stumble to the door to let him in, tear a strip off him, and leave him to settle the kids he woke up. He can apologise to the neighbours too.

True, you'll have been woken up and won't get back to sleep in a hurry because it will take him a while to get the kids to sleep, but it's no worse for you than what happened last night - you had to wait up till after 2am. And he will have had to take some consequences for his behaviour, and will remember next time.

The thread title is telling. Actively refusing to take a key out is not something most men (even the worst ones) would do. It's next level irresponsible stupidity or seriously controlling.
The home by 12 thing is a red herring even if he was back on time.
What if there was an emergency at 10 and you'd had to go out?

Not even bothering to text you an ETA when he knew he'd be late is also appalling.

I'm just waiting for the update where we find out the Prince among Men came in having soiled himself in the taxi or urinated in the wardrobe before passing out.

He needs to be up with the kids hangover or not.

I don’t think the majority of men are like this. This is just ridiculously inconsiderate and thoughtless.

Sorry OP I have zero sympathy. Nobody made you do any of this. Don’t give the lift (with 2 kids) if you don’t want to. Insist he takes his keys. Have a discussion beforehand about whether he gets a lie in or you expect him to get up with the kids or whether you get a night out next weekend etc. Stop being so passive then acting like a martyr. I’m assuming he never held a gun to your head throughout any of this.

I wonder if there are any second hand drum kits on market place today too? Could easily have a theatre performance rehearsed and ready to perform by lunch time

Yep

What do you mean, "he's not that bad"? What does "bad" look like? Where's the bar? Cheating? Violence? What's your comparison?

Would you ever behave like this to him? If not, why not?

I would be absolutely furious in your situation but you seem to think this level of disrespect and selfishness isn't that big a deal. You get to be sleep deprived AND do all the work tomorrow because of a situation he alone has caused in order to get his jollies. I wonder how you have been treated in your life to think that this is acceptable behaviour towards you.

Most men don't act like this and most women aren't treated like this.

I wish better for you.

Or another husband.

Why would anyone tolerate this shit is beyond me.

This has been an upsetting read. Your DH is horrid and you can't see it. It's quite chilling. Full of control and contempt.

I hope you find the strength to challenge this and to leave.

I'm sorry to be dramatic but I actually think this is abusive behaviour. I would be seriously thinking about my future...

The key thing is definitely controlling. There was a thread on here not too long ago where a woman was bereft that her H had announced he would be no longer carrying keys. Can't remember exactly but I think it meant she thought she was going to have to give up her job.

My ex always took his keys but on occasion would hide mine or take mine with him "by accident" leaving me locked in or unable to leave the house without leaving the door unlocked.

Nah my husband wouldn’t ever do this, because I wouldn’t let him get away with this shit.

I can’t believe you waited up past 2am for him when you need to be up with the kids. What a mug.

If my husband said he was not taking keys because he “will be back by 12” I’d say “No I’ll be in bed long before that, I’ll leave the key under the plant pot.”

If I were you I'd be telling him I'm going away next weekend and leave him with kids.
Selfish twat.

You say that he isn't that bad, but in relation to this, he really is. Why did you have to drive him? He could get a taxi or public transport without you having to drag the kids out. He refuses to take keys (why on earth would he lose them) and then comes back hours later than his stated time. He now expects you to get up with the kids so that he can sleep off his hangover.

You are at his beck and call to facilitate his social life, no matter how much this inconveniences you and your children. He sounds completely selfish unless he would be happy doing this for you on a night out. I doubt very much that he would.

so how did you come to be with this prince among men?

This ⬆️. Please listen, OP. You don't need a key safe, you need a decent husband.