Why are (some specifically mine) men like this?

[TakingBackSunday]

DH has gone out tonight okay fine, asked me to drop him off but forgot to tell me about the football match so spent 40 minutes in traffic with two kids ... fine whatever, he could have gotten a taxi tho 🙄

Refused to take the keys because he'd be back at 12 (been out since 5) as he knows I can't go to bed without locking the door as I don't feel safe sleeping with two kids and the door unlocked.

Hasn't messaged me since 10pm

Wonder when he'll get home .. wonder when I'll get to go to bed.

Bet he expects me to get up with them tomorrow as well

It's just yours, mine would never do anything like this.

He doesn't need a babysitter/parent to drop him off for playdates or wait up for him.

Well, he's got you well trained. Sorry that is bitchy but come on raise your bar! You deserve respect and consideration and it sounds like you aren't getting them.

Oh bore off with all the feminist "gotchas"

I'm allowed an opinion that doesn't follow the entrenched 2025 'groupthink'.

In my experience, pandying mothers can contribute to lazy entitled men.

But you do you. Go save the world.

None of this would bother me particularly because DH is happy to do stuff like this for me when I go out. Now we have teens he'll come and pick me and my friends up. When the kids were little he'd make me a cup of tea for when I got in.
He doesn't like taking his keys out as they're too bulky. We do have a key safe but I don't mind if he rings me to let him in. He'd get up with little ones when I went out and vice versa.

Definitely don't wait up for him in future! His decision not to take keys. My DH went through a phase of doing this, it was such a pain.

For the future, though, a key safe is definitely a handy thing to have.

I know. None of the original post shows behaviours that are healthy of a loving partner.

He's probably "not that bad" because he doesn't hit her.

I'd be devastated if my daughter accepted this behaviour from someone who was supposed to love her.

I suspect OP you didn't grow up with parents who respected each other.

Because he's expecting to get drunk so may well lose them 🙄

Why do women always get the blame, just stop.

Do these men not have fathers?

If he's drunk he won't be able to use the keysafe. They're fiddly

He is an unbelievably selfish cunt.

What’s a ‘pandying mother’?

I think they mean ‘pandering’.

Google is available

That's a weird reason to refuse to take keys with him? Because he might lose them?

Is he going bungee jumping? Or wild swimming? Or a tough mudder?

Cos doing those activities then yes, I'd probably ask someone to hold my keys for me.

Did he take his phone or his cards or his fags out with him? Somehow they weren't a problem, but the keys were?

You're being played at the very least op or under coercive control.

But anyway, enjoy your night out next weekend when you leave your keys with him at home with the kids and the shoe is on the other foot....

"pandying" means hitting someone on the palm of the hand, with a strap or a ruler.

Ironically in my experienced example - no.

But regardless, a pandying mother is a thing. But in 2025 it seems we must keep to the groupthink.

Yes, that's what I thought. "Pandering to" makes more sense.

Their mums aren't to blame for it. It's their toxic sexist pig dad's who raise men like this.

According to Google a "pandy" is either a blow to the hand with a strap or stick, a mill or mashed potatoes (Irish, informal). It's also an unpleasant piece of British Indian colonial slang. Which one do you think fits here?

And if you want to go to bed at 10? Never heard about someone refusing to take keys! Does he get really wasted is that why?

Get a key safe and/or a backbone.

Actually I disagree. I think both parents can and do contribute. Always mothers who get the blame though.

The whole thing sounds utterly disrespectful.

Same. And in my experience it tends to be the parents who live by entrenched gender roles and reject that ‘orrid old ‘feminism’ that raise useless, abusive goons like this.