Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

[Upanddancingatsixinthemorning]

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this?

Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything.

In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight

I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

A perfect home, may be

a happy home, definitely not

Get over it pls

Well for a start if the family can afford it & of course many can't the fact there are women who place more importance on their children & home often giving up careers until the children are at least of school age. I agree heroic was the wrong word & it is over used so apologies for that. Nevertheless I do think it's admirable for those who can afford it. This is especially true if the part time hours they could manage while still breast feeding for example runs away with the majority of their money on childcare.

I think he just meant to let you know he appreciates everything you do to look after the home and the family. So many times on here i have seen complaints about feeling unseen and unappreciated for what they do.

sounds like your home would be closer to perfect if twatface wasn't in it.

I'd take it as a compliment

You will receive better advise on a forum that gets the tradition of giving flowers on the 8th March. In my country this is a combination of mothers day and women's day so my DH usually does thank me for taking care of him and dc and taking care of the house ... I wouldn't be offended but obviously we are all different. If it made you feel bad talk to him. Only you and him know the dynamic and the cultural setup that works for you.

That makes no sense to me. In your last sentence, you seem to be saying that you admire women who don't earn enough to make working part time financially worthwhile? Is that what you mean?

I have no issue at all with women (or men) choosing to be SAHPs if they want to, and if their partners are happy to support this, but I don't see it as something admirable in any way. It's just a particular lifestyle choice which happens to suit their personal preferences. I don't agree with your premise that SAHPs place more importance on their children.

I could see my DH writing something like this. It would have nothing to do with cooking or cleaning but more to do with appreciation of being committed to him and our family and understanding the mental load that comes with that, do you think that is what he could have meant?

Really ? It is I believe fashionable to be never happy, satisfied or content. How about listing the positives and not the negatives.?

Aaah well. He's the giant div, then!

Yeah, I'd be PISSED!

It is a manipulative compliment. One which implies that 'keeping a home' is OP's responsibility and the word 'perfect' is to incentivise her to continue seeking his approval for a job well done.

Those words have implicitly reduced her to a domestic appliance and service and a good one at that so keep up the good work.

Twat.

I think we will have to agree to disagree on this whole issue 😂

Yes, probably!

I wouldn't be surprised if there were women who think female rugby players should take part in the men's rugby team.😂

Sorry, what does this have to do with housekeeping?

Are you one of those women that thinks that having a penis renders you incapable of basic household tasks?

If a guy says nothing he is a ungrateful twat who shows no appreciation. If he makes a card to thank her he is a manipulative that. Seems like either way men can't win.

I'm referring to women who think everything regarding men & women should be equal. It's a pipedream. The fact is both sexes have their strengths & weaknesses. My DH is wonderful when it comes to housework. I do most of it because I'm simply better at it. I often go over his attempt to deep clean the kitchen. Is that because I'm a woman?🤔possibly😂

It isn't a pipedream in my house.

DH is just as capable of housework as I am but then I wouldn't find it funny if I had to go over an adults attempt at deep cleaning, I likely wouldn't have married him in the first place.

You would if you saw him 😂 It's usually with wfh he's desperate to get back to earning money.
Seriously if that's my only occasional grievance I'm a very fortunate woman.

I mean, you could argue that they can ‘win’ by just pulling their finger out occasionally rather than offering half-baked platitudes

I would be more bothered by the fact you are doing the majority than the fact he acknowledged it.

I wouldn't care about his looks if it meant I had to clean up after him or even worse, follow him around after he has cleaned because he's done a shit job of it.

Ick.

It's not a shit job in the majority of women's eyes. It's more to do with me being a perfectionist. 😂
Anyway what would give me the ick is a man who fusses over cleaning. I'd prefer he stuck to earning the majority of the money & he does.😂

Didn't you just say it was a pipedream for men to be just as good at housework and that you go over his attempts simply because you're a woman so better at at it?

No one needs to fuss over cleaning really. It isn't hard.