Dh’s card said I ‘Kept a perfect home’

[Upanddancingatsixinthemorning]

Aibu to be confused/pissed off by this?

Surprisingly, Dh & Dd made me a card and bought me flowers for International women’s day (we are in another country, generally this happens here) but I’d completely forgotten and wasn’t expecting anything.

In the card, Dh had written thank you for all I do for him and Dd etc and then something about me ‘Keeping a perfect home’ 🤷🏻‍♀️

I work part time as a teacher, do the majority of everything with Dd, plus bills etc, I have a cleaner every fortnight

I just can’t work out this comment, it sounds like something from the 1950’s and isn’t the thing I want to be recognised/appreciated for

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

This .My husband would say the same about me. It doesn't mean that he doesn't appreciate that I also have a big brain

Shouldn't that be a feather duster

I would compliment my partner for the jobs he does round the home I don't think it's an issue. I think it's lovely that he keeps the home nice and he cares.

Well just ask him if you're that bothered.

I would recommend you try not to find issue when he tried to do something else but like I say if you really are bothered then tell him.

Spot on. If you were happily married this wouldn’t be a thing.

I'd ask him to expand on it.

I'm wondering does he mean your taste and style of decorating the home? Or the "feeling" of home you create? Or does he just mean all the "wife work" 🙄 you do to keep the house in order?

I'd assume dh was being very sarcastic. Housekeeping is not on my skill list. I get it sounds very old fashioned and odd.

If DH had written this card to me I'd be happy as I like to think I keep a pretty perfect home. We do have a cleaner but I still work hard to ensure it's warm, comfortable and everyone is happy. It's more than just cooking and cleaning.

MN is full of them. I presume they are surrounded by women exactly like them and the cycle continues.

Oh for god sake.

Men can't win can they.

Does this mean you would find it insulting if your husband complimented you on your abilities as a mother along with your input to housework over & above a job. Obviously in many posters eyes that's just another thing to add to the never ending list of offending uterrances.

People can't open their mouths without someone taking offence. It's becoming ridiculous. Men & women will never be exactly the same simply because there will always be huge differences between the sexes. In the majority of cases this includes physical strength.Trying to make men more like women & women more like men is not attractive.

I agree. What's so heroic about maintaining one's own household? Nothing.

It's called life. We all do it and we all live with the consequences of our own choices. No one deserves a medal.

A full time teacher works fewer days than a person working full time elsewhere. You work as a part time teacher - so I assume he is the main breadwinner?

You work bare minimum, yet you feel offended if he complements your ability to manage hime well. (He did, inspite of hiring a cleaner!)

Why don’t you contribute equally financially first and then talk about misogyny or 1950s or whatever??

Exactly!

Do you do things like turning on the boiler ? lol! After the cleaners clean, what more do you do to make sure everyone is warm and comfortable?

Well it would never happen, because the vast majority of men do fuck-all around the house. And stay at home dads are as rare as hens teeth.

Agree with all this. There is really nothing heroic about the average person keeping their house tidy and being on top of laundry and cooking. If there are physical or mental health problems, that’s another story.

I did LOL at that I must admit. 'Homemakers are society's heroes.' 😂

The term ‘heroes’ is definitely overused. I work in the NHS and cringed over the pandemic when we kept being referred to as heroes. Everybody around me was banned from using that word! My definition of a hero is something very different.

I wouldn't have any issue if DH complimented me on my parenting skills. I might equally compliment him on his parenting skills. We are both equal parents and the quality of our parenting is important to both of us.

Complimenting anyone on their housekeeping skills is just a bit weird in my view. It is just part of what any capable adult should get on and do, but it isn't really worthy of comment.

My main objection, though, to the comment from the OP's DH in his card, is the implication that "keeping house" is somehow the OP's responsibility. Why should it be?

I'm afraid I'm not really sure what you're on about with regard to the differences between the sexes. Yes, there are some physical and biological differences which we all know about, but I don't really know what they have to do with housekeeping skills. Please do explain.

Also, you haven't answered my question about what makes full time childcarers and homemakers heroic. I'm still not getting it.

My DH does more around the house than I do. I think he'd laugh in my face if I complimented him on his homemaking skills though!

Big issues between Dh and I for a while, so maybe i’m pissed off that he can just give something on this day and do mainly sweet FA the rest of the time

Big issues for a while and you are working part-time...

I'd be thinking of going full-time, @Upanddancingatsixinthemorning - just in case your being pissed off progresses to "I want out!"