Is this rude if you were a guest?

[Britishsummertime22]

If you were a guest in someone's house and they went up to bed without saying goodnight or telling you they were going to bed/not coming back downstairs would you think that was rude?

Exactly. It's not difficult.

Are you family or a friend of one of them?

Can you ask this morning if there's a problem?

Or are they generally not good at social skills?

Good morning hope you had a restful sleep, have the other 2 woken up yet? Any explanation on their behalf? Do ask them why they left without a goodnight....I hope it's not a big issue and the remainder of your stay goes well.

Go to bed really early tonight. Say goodnight.

"normal manners would dictate that you go to be at or before their usual time I think."

Very uptight. If I'm tired I'll go to bed early, doesn't mean my guests need to.

how was the vibe this morning?

It depends on who they were, son etc, not at all.

Yes, it was rude, but being charitable, it might have been well past their usual bedtime and the one who went up first thought the other would explain, and the one who went up second thought you already knew.

Still not really on to not say goodnight.

It is rude but I don’t feel you need to overreact to it. They perhaps don’t realise it’s rude? I’ve a friend who does things I consider rude but I’ve known her long enough to know she doesn’t mean it. If everything seems fine today I’d just forget about it.

Why’s there a need to make subtle indicators? Why not be direct: ‘Right, I’m shattered, so off to bed now. Everything’s locked up. Stay up if you like and help yourself to anything you need. Sleep well’.

This, I'd either assume that id upset them or that they lacked social graces.
I'd ask in the morning if I'd upset them.

Totally weird and rude. Are the two people a couple? I'd assume some silent exchange happened between them and an argument had kicked off upstairs.

If I didn't get an apology or explanation today I'd consider leaving.

Have they said anything today, OP? Is there an atmosphere?

The fact they both did the same thing could mean that it’s just what they do in their house? If I did that my partner would say “I wonder where she’s gone”, he wouldn’t just disappear after me in silence. (So odd!)

Can you stay somewhere else or is this trip to stay with them specifically?

I don’t think it’s necessarily rude. If you’re like family, then just popping off to bed and leaving you the living room to stay up as late as you like is treating you like family imho. Saying “I’m off to bed” can be a nudge nudge shouldnt YOU go to bed too guest person type of hint.

I wouldn’t think anything of it, especially if

• you are close to them
• there is any ND or introversion

Apology for what?! For going to bed? Good grief.

@Spudthespanner if it helps, I regularly change the amount/ages of children if it’s not relevant to the post I’m making as my life is so bizarre and fucked up that I’d clearly be recognisable, and if people listed everything that happened to me in my life they would assume I was making it up as surely that can’t all happen to one person. Sometimes life is shit!

This exactly has happened to me. I thought it was so bizarre, thought my friend had gone to the loo... But no, she never came back. I didn't even know how to turn off the TV?!?

I was meant to be staying three nights, to keep her company while her dog was away lol. I was like, she clearly doesn't want company and left the next day. The whole thing was weird and awkward...

In my family/friend group people often just creep off for a power nap or off to bed whenever they feel like it. Though we would usually tell the others what we were doing. Not always though, and it wouldn't really be expected. Usually if one of us is tired we might fall asleep wherever we are sitting, so it would be obvious that they would then go to bed.

Unless you were supposed to be doing an activity or having a meal or something, going to bed whenever you want is fine.

They probably felt a bit embarrassed they were knackered, tried to have a quick power nap but then just slept through.

Just make a light-hearted joke 'oh, we thought you'd run away'. Then once you've had a chuckle just say do let us know when you're going to bed next time. I'm sure it wasn't meant rudely.

All these people who come on to MN threads apparently with the sole intent of catching the OP out in some way. Whatever happened to hobbies?

Who said it's the sole intent?

If a thread smells funny to me, sometimes I have a look at the OP's posting history. Oftentimes they are trolls.

If the thread doesn't seem off, it doesn't occur to me to look at what else they've posted.

I do the same. I don't make up children I don't have however which is what it seemed like OP was doing.

Instead she just has a weird set up where she agrees to babysit her niece and then doesn't and needs to arrange another person to babysit the child she was going to babysit.

That is their hobby.

I agree, why do people care so much about what people are posting on an anonymous internet forum? Absolutely bizarre.

Although I don’t go in for all the checking up on previous details I would have thought getting an alternative carer for a niece was the parent’s job not the aunt’s🤷‍♀️

That would be my sister. Would pop to the loo and not come back