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AIBU?

Share your dilemmas and get honest opinions from other Mumsnetters.

Time to call out shit parenting!

262 replies

RedHot2025 · 07/03/2025 08:51

Just watched an article on BBC breakfast about decay in children's teeth.

Professional talked about scheme where teachers teach children to brush teeth each day since many children don't brush their teeth or get shown how to.

The presentator Nagga said is it right for teachers to do this and have time to do this surely parents should. The professional did everything to not blame poor parenting.

I mean, why don't we just say things as they are anymore? The parents are not parenting if they cannot be bothered to teach children to brush teeth twice a day (or for that matter toilet train). Why is it now down to teachers?

Some parents appear to do sod all but just churn out children.

Note. This is not SEN children, just children in general in particular areas. Again same with teaching to use toilet, not sen related.

OP posts:
MeowCatPleaseMeowBack · 07/03/2025 10:03

JeanPaulGagtier · 07/03/2025 10:01

Have you noticed it is in line with the slow creep of poverty, job insecurity and people working 2 jobs?

Did I say anything that suggested I didn't?

pursuitOfSomething · 07/03/2025 10:06

£40 million spent on teeth extraction for children is societal abuse. So unnecessary and such a waste.

My eldest had a tooth extracted - it wasn't decay - her dentist spotted it was sinking and the worry was it would damage tooth below - she was sent to an orthodontist who agreeded it needed to come out - so it was taken out.

They've all also had some milk teeth out for orthodontist work and some as the tooth below had come up behind milk teeth that were still hanging on. I know other kids who've had similar.

So some of that's going to be gentics, infections or even accidental injuries.

We've been questioned closely by some dentists because two of our kids have weaker thinner enamel - the big advance my kids have had is regular check ups with an NHS denstist - so they got floride added or were prescibed toothpast with additional floride in. Any brushing deficience were picked up and worked on together. There are no NHS dentist in this area now for people not already on lists- even for kids.

One of the dentists questioned our chidlcare arrangements - as she said in her experience frequent grandparent childcare was a cause of decay as so many gave sweets and fizzy drinks and they usually weren't ones having to deal with kids with bad teeth - watching them being wheeling in for extractions.

I do agree not brushing in inexcusible - and I say that with one child it was a huge challenge with - but we persisted tried eveything to make it easier but ultimately they needed to be brushed twice a day - and having parental authoity ( and no that doesn't mean phycical abuse ) makes a huge difference there.

TheWonderhorse · 07/03/2025 10:08

Chatgpt says that rates of tooth decay in children is significantly lower than in the 80s and 90s.

So we're "better" parents now apparently.

pursuitOfSomething · 07/03/2025 10:10

RedHot2025 · 07/03/2025 10:01

The professional said that there was a huge rise in children having dental extractions now and that it now cost the NHS £40,000,000 a year. I've no reason to assume that the professional was lying. Why would she.

I'd be intertested to know how that tracks with NHS denistry becoming harder to access.

When we moved here we had no idea lack of NHS dentists was an issue - and even then many dentists will try and take the kids on as NHS - but now none of them have places.

It's a problems that's just spread and got worse over the years.

Wordau · 07/03/2025 10:11

I was born in the 70s and remember someone coming into my school (I think from Maclean's?) probably when I was about 6 or 7, and teaching us all how to brush our teeth. We also got a free brush and stickers I think.

It was brilliant and thorough and I think it should be in every school.

I don't remember my parents teaching me but I'm sure they did, but I wasn't really doing it correctly until I had that school intervention and ended up with lots of fillings.

Realityisreal · 07/03/2025 10:12

It is absolutely NOT just a couple of minutes to support 30 children with teeth brushing.
How many sinks are available, how many can share a sink at a time, where are the toothbrushes stored, how to store them all separately, hygienically and clearly named, who's supervising the children not currently brushing their teeth, what activity can be set while the teeth brushing is in progress when every child will need to stop and brush teeth, who supports the children that don't want to brush teeth but should still be encouraged?
This will never take 2 mins in a school environment, poor parenting shouldn't mean that an entire class loses 30mins of education a day!!!

sashh · 07/03/2025 10:13

JeanPaulGagtier · 07/03/2025 09:28

That is interesting as this kid also gets ear infections regularly. I think it is probably hard to find the direct cause (clearly not enough research done on it as easier to make the parents the scapegoats). I do think more people should be made aware of it and it's potential consequences to cause dispute in figures like this where families are getting blamed - parenting can be hard enough, especially if your child keeps getting sick.

Interesting.

My brother and I had basically the same upbringing but his teeth are crumbling now.

I know he had a lot of ear infections as a child. My mother was obsessed with him covering his ears if it was cold.

Mine are fairly good, except from the fillings a crap dentist did when I was in my early teens. I had not had any fillings until then.

We are late 50s so not a new thing.

There was a TV documentary a while ago and the dentist (I don't know if they have another name working in a hospital) said tooth decay was the one thing that absolutely was the parents' fault.

But then they interviewed some parents, one who always bought his kids sweets if he went to the local shop.

Dolphinnoises · 07/03/2025 10:16

RedHot2025 · 07/03/2025 09:53

There weren't talking about a one off education exercise but daily teeth cleaning because otherwise children don't have their teeth cleaned at all.

Oh. Well that is something else entirely, I misunderstood.

My worry about this, as someone who has worked in home-school relationships, is that it will actually move teeth hygiene out of the home for some parents. They will think of it as something they don’t have to think about, and that’s worrying for weekends / holidays.

Better to give out toothbrushes, scare them shitless with some pictures of black teeth, and teach them how to do it properly in upper primary. That said, I remember one kid in DD’s Year 1 class having to have five extractions. I’m not sure it’s ideal but he became a cautionary tale in our house “you’re not doing the back teeth, you need to make sure every tooth is clean or you’ll end up having to have them taken out by the dentist like poor xxx”

PrioritisePleasure24 · 07/03/2025 10:17

I’ve worked in the NHS for twenty years. Extracting baby teeth isn’t a new thing. But waiting lists are getting longer and longer. I’m not sure it should be a teachers responsibility every day but sessions on nutrition and oral health could work in education. Not sure how they can work brushing their teeth every day/afternoon whatever on top of a very busy curriculum and all the challenges they already face.

Parents are the ones that bring their children into the world and it’s ultimately their responsibility! Teachers are there to teach.

It’s a very small percentage of children that have them extracted due to a medical reason.Im not including orthodontics here.

Theres a lack of education on nutrition and oral hygiene, some families really don’t understand it/have never been taught it themselves. This is where we miss places like sure start centres and similar where parents got this kind of support. Unfortunately poverty and areas of deprivation see more teeth decay.

Some just aren’t arsed what their kids are eating or not brushing their teeth etc and are very blasé when they come to hospital where their children have most/all their baby teeth are extracted before they even start school.

Access to dentists of course is an issue but we are also at a time where many parents don’t like to be ‘told’ what to do with ‘their’ children by medical professionals/teachers etc.

In some districts health care professionals do visit schools and do dental/oral hygiene sessions but due to funding this is often cut or not even offered.

Wordau · 07/03/2025 10:17

GreenWimmin · 07/03/2025 09:06

Same. What the fuck has happened? In my childhood in the 80s you drank water because it was water you were given. It wasn't a discussion.

I drank water and I ate what was put in front of me, there was no negotiation or preference about it.

Aside from children with severe SEN including food issues, why the fuck are children given these mad options? I drank water, and I ate a smaller portion of whatever meat and veg my parents were eating. We were poor, there were no other choices.

I don't know what alternate universe I was in but I'm the 80s and 90s I drank a huge amount of sugary strong squash! And orange juice. And Sunny D was huge too.

Squash and fruit shoots are mostly sugar free these days aren't they? Not that artificial sweetener is good, but it doesn't rot teeth on the same way to my knowledge

newkettleandtoaster · 07/03/2025 10:18

I agree to an extent.

But it's also part of a bigger problem. I don't think a lot of these parents "can't be bothered" to brush their kids teeth. I think the parents themselves are often struggling with issues such as poverty, depression, trauma, social isolation, lack of education / awareness, possibly learning difficulties.

Yes, I'm sure there are some who just can't be bothered, but it's a much bigger problem than that.

Burgerqueenbee · 07/03/2025 10:20

Gemstonebeach · 07/03/2025 09:59

It mainly comes down to poverty, not phones. Even if toothbrushes and tooth paste are being provided for free, it needs to include the parents in the home so that kids learn from mum and dad. It might be a quid to buy…but a quid can be a meal. And if you can’t afford petrol or a bus fare and the dentist isn’t in walking distance then how do you access free dental care?

If you can access it at all - there are no nhs dentists currently available even for children within 50 miles of my postcode, so it is a waiting game to try and get registered the second any become open for new patients. It took my sister 4 years to get her children in somewhere as patients. Private is not an option for some people especially when you are paycheck to paycheck as it is.

Sunnysideup4eva · 07/03/2025 10:20

The issue isn't parents not insisting on teeth brushing; it's the breed of parent who just hands the brush to the 3yr old and let's them 'do it themselves' while parent smugly thinks they are making their child nice and independent.
Child then just chews ineffectually on the toothbrush and once the sweetish taste of toothpaste is gone, says they are done. The teeth haven't actually been brushed.
Parents need to continue actually cleaning children's teeth for them
much longer than a lot of parents realise.
Fine to let them have a go themselves to practice, but you the parent need to do some brushing first to ensure all the teeth actually got brushed - til they are like about age 8!!
5 and 6 year olds don't brush their own teeth well no matter what parents think.

mrpenny · 07/03/2025 10:20

RedHot2025 · 07/03/2025 09:10

Totally agree.

Professional said but it's only a few minutes for teachers. It's the same few minutes for parents, so why are parents so precious, so lazy, so excused and pandered to. It's frankly pathetic.

Same ‘ few minutes’ spent on everything else that used to be done at home though. Basically carves into the school day..every day.

stitchy · 07/03/2025 10:26

JeanPaulGagtier · 07/03/2025 09:19

I know a kid who had 3 extractions because she had something called hypomineralisation. Of course the mum was demonised in the playground but had been told it might be connected to her kid having the antibiotic amoxicillin which apparently can cause it. The dentist could see this was the cause.

I would be interested to know if there is some overlap in this or if it was even taken into account with the statistics. With the rise in antibiotic use over the last 10 years has no one even considered there might be a link?

Edited

My ds has hypomineralisation due to having chicken pox as a newborn, it made me super vigilant (and anxious tbh) about dental care and I check every day thay he has cleaned them twice and if he has a sugary snack he adds in an extra clean. He is now 14 and hasn't had any fillings etc but I stress that he will need something every time he has a check up (a dentist has been known to give me a hug once she finished checking over his teeth)

What I can't get my head around with parents not caring for their kids teeth is that it is subjecting them to a future of pain! Proper horrible pain. I don't want my kids to go through that if there is no need to and battling with a kid to clean their teeth is a small price, it's for their own good!

EasternStandard · 07/03/2025 10:26

It really is failing on basic parenting, depressing.

aylis · 07/03/2025 10:27

We were taught dental hygiene at school to an extent and I'm glad. In fact I wish it had been more. My parents didn't teach me it properly because they were living on the absolute bones of their arse in the late 80s and early 90s trying to put food on the table out of thin air. It wasn't top of the priority list. I mean ideally they wouldn't have had to deal with being part of the vast unemployment and travelling miles out of the shitty place we'd been housed in to try to find work every day but we don't want to help parents have that time either do we?

RedOrangeSky · 07/03/2025 10:28

I think tooth problems are often at least partly genetic/environmental not jsut about brushing.
My son had an extraction because one tooth didn't form properly.

And there are many reasons why parents may struggle to brush teeth - it's not only laziness. The world today is very pressured.

My son had tooth brushing at nursery (apparently daily but I think it didn't happen every day). It wasn't supposed to replace brushing at home but just to help encourage it.

Also need to address the lack of NHS dentists for children.

WaneyEdge · 07/03/2025 10:33

GreenWimmin · 07/03/2025 09:06

Same. What the fuck has happened? In my childhood in the 80s you drank water because it was water you were given. It wasn't a discussion.

I drank water and I ate what was put in front of me, there was no negotiation or preference about it.

Aside from children with severe SEN including food issues, why the fuck are children given these mad options? I drank water, and I ate a smaller portion of whatever meat and veg my parents were eating. We were poor, there were no other choices.

I grew up in the 80s too and honestly, no one drank just water. We weren’t really allowed fizzy drinks, except on birthdays/special occasions, but everyone used to bring a flask of cordial to school and had cordial with meals at home. School used to give a glass of cordial with school dinners too.

My family certainly weren’t well off but I don’t remember ever seeing anyone having water as a drink on its own.

Scrubberdubber · 07/03/2025 10:33

Wordau · 07/03/2025 10:17

I don't know what alternate universe I was in but I'm the 80s and 90s I drank a huge amount of sugary strong squash! And orange juice. And Sunny D was huge too.

Squash and fruit shoots are mostly sugar free these days aren't they? Not that artificial sweetener is good, but it doesn't rot teeth on the same way to my knowledge

They do because they're acidic. Someone I know was drinking diet drinks with no sugar every day and now has to spend 2k on dental work.

Honestly what the fuck is with people that constantly buy their kids beverages though? I'm not even old wasn't even alive in the 90s but my parents would never of tolerated "not liking water" hell no would they waste a penny of money on something as unnecessary as a drink when water is free.

Treat culture is a massive problem

Rubyupbeat · 07/03/2025 10:34

We had a 3 year old in school nursery who had all of his teeth removed, even his front ones which were like brown stumps, because they were rotten.
He was thoroughly spoilt and whenever we did a home visit he was eating chocolate (I don't agree with children NOTeating sweet treats btw)
Mum never learned and once he was in reception, he had his lunch box with at least 3 chocolate bars in, every day.

Wordau · 07/03/2025 10:38

Scrubberdubber · 07/03/2025 10:33

They do because they're acidic. Someone I know was drinking diet drinks with no sugar every day and now has to spend 2k on dental work.

Honestly what the fuck is with people that constantly buy their kids beverages though? I'm not even old wasn't even alive in the 90s but my parents would never of tolerated "not liking water" hell no would they waste a penny of money on something as unnecessary as a drink when water is free.

Treat culture is a massive problem

Was that fizzy drinks? Because I know they do damage teeth.

I was never or rarely bought a drink out of the house as a kid by my parents, but I did regularly have "healthy" freshly squeezed fruit juice, and I remember having squash provided at playgroups / holiday clubs.

I quite often visit cafe with my DC and we will have a milky drink or a fruit drink. Maybe once a week or more.

Their teeth are so much better than mine were at the same age!

Ladysodor · 07/03/2025 10:38

The occasional fruit drink is harmless.

Scrubberdubber · 07/03/2025 10:38

Rubyupbeat · 07/03/2025 10:34

We had a 3 year old in school nursery who had all of his teeth removed, even his front ones which were like brown stumps, because they were rotten.
He was thoroughly spoilt and whenever we did a home visit he was eating chocolate (I don't agree with children NOTeating sweet treats btw)
Mum never learned and once he was in reception, he had his lunch box with at least 3 chocolate bars in, every day.

Yeah I know someone like this. Idk what the kids teeth are like but he's been morbidly obese since a toddler and she gives him family size Haribo bags. I don't get it. Surely she can see how big he is?

Ritasueandbobtoo9 · 07/03/2025 10:40

We used to have Dentist visit in school in the 70’s. They would give out toothpaste, brushes and stickers and teach everyone how to brush teeth properly. It’s a good thing.