Time to call out shit parenting!

[RedHot2025]

Just watched an article on BBC breakfast about decay in children's teeth.

Professional talked about scheme where teachers teach children to brush teeth each day since many children don't brush their teeth or get shown how to.

The presentator Nagga said is it right for teachers to do this and have time to do this surely parents should. The professional did everything to not blame poor parenting.

I mean, why don't we just say things as they are anymore? The parents are not parenting if they cannot be bothered to teach children to brush teeth twice a day (or for that matter toilet train). Why is it now down to teachers?

Some parents appear to do sod all but just churn out children.

Note. This is not SEN children, just children in general in particular areas. Again same with teaching to use toilet, not sen related.

You are absolutely right. Well said.

I remember at school (in the 80s) we were given a free toothbrush and tube of toothpaste, we had a nurse come onsite with those tablets that turned your mouth purple/blue and they showed us how to brush properly. This I would agree with.

I don't agree with teachers having to get children to brush their teeth at school. I have not seen the article but I presume this is what they are on about?

YANBU. My DD was born in 2020 and is the youngest in her year. She was toilet trained at just 2 and can brush her own teeth. There is absolutely no excuse for not teaching your kids these extremely basic life skills, though so many people blame Covid for their 4/5 year olds being behind. School is not the place for kids to be learning how to brush their teeth and use the toilet!

I fully agree that parents should be teaching children to brush their teeth, use the toilet and everything else along those lines. But as you say in the OP some parents are crap. The question then becomes: are we going to let children suffer because we (society) chooses to dig our heels in and refuse to step up for them?

I taught my children how to brush their teeth and use the toilet but my son who goes to a special school has had “lessons” (5 minutes a day tops) on teeth brushing in the past.

That figure will include children like my dd who had to have a perfectly healthy tooth extracted surgically for orthodontic reasons. As the roots of her 5 and 6 were intertwined it had to be done under a general anesthetic we had no choice on that btw.
That said if a quarter of parents can't be bothered to toilet train their kids before they start school is anyone surprised that they aren't teaching them to brush their teeth

I agree - why are they pussyfooting around it ?

It IS bad parenting. It is neglect.

It’s something else for schools to do that doesn’t fall under their remit. The actual logistics of getting a whole class of 30 to brush their teeth is definitely longer than a couple of minutes. Where would this happen?? Most classrooms have one sink, can’t get 30 children and an adult around that. In the toilets? Hygiene nightmare with brushes falling on the floor. Also, who is cleaning the toothpaste spittle out of the sink? Also, supervising 30 of them brushing their teeth is more than two minutes. What about those that need more persuading? That’s more time.
Whilst all of this is going on the teacher and TA aren’t supporting their core jobs of teaching the curriculum.
Add this to teaching children to use a toilet, parents expecting us to support with sleep, behaviour at home and food issues at home. We do all of that because we know it impacts on that child at school and also because we want the best future for that child possible. However, it is draining and as people have said previously, an increasing number of parents are handing over responsibility for things that I consider bog standard parenting to the school and being very offended at any suggestion of their role to play in changing future outcomes.

I agree, but I believe there has always been lots of parents that do not care about their DCs dental hygiene, my BIL did not brush his teeth as a child at all. I think the big issue we have at the moment is the lack of NHS dental places. Many parents cannot access a dentist for their child so the DC ends up in hospital when the issue has become severe. This is what the government needs to focus on IMO.

I don't disagree that parents should obviously brush their kids teeth / teach them how to brush their own, but laughing at the idea that the 80s were a pinnacle of sugar-free dental hygiene. Most of my peers drank squash or even coke with their meals, my parents were considered right old cranks for limiting us to water and not letting us have ketchup ("you're not covering that lovely dinner in sugary gunk!") or sweets. Everyone spent their pocket money at the corner shop on sweets (me included once I had pocket money) and we had puddings with custard after school lunch almost every day. We were also expected to do our own teeth much earlier than is now recommended and a quick scrub round which got the toothbrush wet and made us minty (but didn't do much else) was pretty normal as far as I could tell on sleepovers and school trips.

Yes, in the 70s kids did as they were told. They were kids not small adults with numerous choices. No one minded. It was normal then for the grown ups to be in charge. I hear stories of “so Timmy, what would you like to wear to nursery today?” Then a great hassle to get out the front door as the kid can’t decide. Well things should be decided for them. It’s called parenting

What's the point in 'calling out' shit parenting?

Shit parents don't care.

I remember a public information type film being shown more than once at primary school in the 1970s. Then again, my mother and many of her generation had dentures. But because of this she did instruct us to brush our teeth at home because she wanted us to have all our own teeth, but we thought you only had to brush your teeth at night.
In this age there is absolutely no excuse to not supervise, encourage, insist etc on children cleaning their teeth at home - the information is clear, there are so many children’s brushes and toothpastes.
i guess the crap diet and frequent snacking and lack of access to dentists has taken its toll. I can’t understand a parent not caring though.

My side of the family is similar. DF had all his teeth out at 42 due to the state of them, and that was in the 90s. I feel like I'm running to stay where I am with dental hygiene and my side of the sink is the one full of all the different sizes of interdental brushes for different gaps, retainer as my teeth never stop trying to move, GC tooth mousse to calcify mine and DS's teeth etc while DH is just "brush and done" with normal Colgate. My other child seems to have inherited DH's perfect teeth though thankfully.

Nah, I think it's your misspelling of Naga that upset her😁

OK, say it is as simple as 'poor parenting' alone (although you have already excluded a portion of families due to SEN), what would you do about it? Not have the programmes in school and wait until children suffer so much they need multiple extractions and 'significant harm' threshold is reached, then involve Social Care? The cost of that would be enormous and completely unfeasible from a practical point of view.

I'm not even totally disagreeing with you (although I think the picture is often more nuanced), but often these interventions are cheaper, easier and raise quality of life faster / more reliably.

I’d personally be mortified if my child had tooth decay in their baby teeth. There have been times where I’ve been fit to pull my hair out trying to get the teeth brushed. The patience and perseverance required to get past that tricky phase and back into a good routine are probably up there in my life’s greatest achievements and I’ve a professional qualification. I have great empathy for parents going through it, but no sympathy for a parent that just gives up as it’s surely not an option?!

i remember at primary school there were a few kids with rotten teeth. This was in the 1980s. Kids that always came in with really bad nits, or dirty clothes I dont think teachers were expected to help them or do anything about it.

Teachers have to do a lot more nurturing than they did previously, especially in the younger classes, but I dont think its that parenting is worse. I think its just that schools take more notice of individual children and their individual development, and if a child hasnt been demonstrated good hygiene at home, then having it taught as a group with everyone doing it, that theyll have a much better chance than they did back in my school days.

The same among my kids. I've got five (all now adult who grew up in the times you could get a dentist and they all went every six months). Four of them have perfect teeth, never had a dental intervention in their lives. I used to clamp them between my knees to brush their teeth, as otherwise they would run off, but they all had their teeth brushed the same amount and the same way. They all had the same diet. But my eldest DD, I was very poorly during pregnancy and she was very ill on and off through childhood. She has bad teeth, a malformed jaw and has had dental operations (and max fac ops) to sort things out.

As someone who has worked with very deprived areas in schools I can say from my experience that whilst there are a small minority of crap parents who don't brush their children's teeth and have no care for their child's dental hygiene. In the majority of cases, children with very poor dental hygiene are coming from very chaotic households where the primary care giver has an addiction (to alcohol, drugs, gambling) or the primary care giver has very poor mental health needs or the primary care giver has significant physical health needs that are not been met at home. In some cases it is the child themselves with very poor mental health or special needs where due to sensory issues brushing teeth is very very difficult and the family are poorly supported to help the child.

Unfortunately many years ago there used to be a whole host of support services/ charities which supported parents with addiction issues/ poor mental health/ SN ect. As schools we could refer children and sign post to these services. Some of these services and charities have simple help like someone popping over and helping the children get ready for school where the primary care giver was suffering very poor mental health or addiction issues. Others helped children where one of the family members had significant special needs meaning that other children were having to do quite a bit of caring or sorting themselves out for school. This has all been decimated. The bar for social services intervention is very high. Many children and indeed adults are not able to access NHS dentistry and for some parents the cost of private dentists are too high.

It's not as simple as just crap parenting.

No, they mean having toothbrushes in school to do every day because parents don't do it.

My 8 year old hates having her teeth brushed. Don’t really know why, just loathes it. I will literally sit on top of her to do it for her if I need to (I usually don’t - she will usually do it under duress).

It’s a real source of stress and it would be sooo easy to just..not bother. But I am her mum and this is my job.

I do worry about the future adults who as kids have been allowed to watch screens all day, eat sugar and not have to do basic life tasks like brush teeth, tie shoe laces etc.

I have observed a lot of things on the school run like parents giving kids a big bag of Haribo in the buggy and a phone screen when they come out of nursery. Tubes of Pringles, etc.

Of course it’s not all parents. but I guess the schools try and put these things in place to help the kids who aren’t getting this stuff at home.

I am constantly worrying about my kids having too much screen time or sugar - it’s such a balancing act from banning it all together and allowing in moderation.

I had excellent, engaged parents who I am absolutely certain taught me to brush my teeth.... but I have very very clear memories of the dentist who came to the school and gave us a little presentation on the importance of brushing and a lesson in how to do it.

Just like most parents teach their children about safety and what to do in an emergency, but there's something about having the two police officers turning up at school to give a presentation that really bangs the message home.

Obviusly, a dentist turning up is not going to help with stopping children from being given giant packets of haribo or whatever, but my point is that I don't think it's a bad thing to send these sort of people into schools, even when the parenting is largely on point.

I take DS to a chiropractor twice a year. Sometimes, one of the main benefits is that she tells him things that I have told him, but throws in loads of scientific words and her authority as a specialist, and he listens to her in a way that he doesn't to me.

Yes but - this happened when I was at school in the 80s. You had to bring in your toothbrush and we were all given disclosing tablets to spot the plaque. It’s not new.

Of course parents should do this. But it’s cost efficient to teach kids to clean their teeth if it saves the NHS on the cost of them not knowing how. It’s a business decision.

Yes, this!!

Whilst I agree with a lot of what people are saying - the whole thing about "extractions should be totally unnecessary in kids".....err, my son's first molar on each side at the bottom (baby teeth) came through with practically no enamel on them. Despite loads of effort with brushing etc, they just crumbled. He's had one extracted as it was causing lots of pain and is on a waiting list for the other.

Apparently it's quite common, he did have antibiotics as a baby (bronchiolitis and tonsillitis) I also had to have them when pregnant (severe ear infection & burst eardrum) so perhaps that caused it. More guilt.

I feel really judged whenever it's mentioned! It's not that we didn't brush his teeth/make him brush them!