11+4 and having cravings - husband says to go out on bike to get snacks

[Tetchy321]

Hi,

So we live in a village that is not really within walking distance to shops. There is a service station that I could cycle to but I don't cycle that often and don't feel confident being near the motorway. I was feeling nauseous and didn't have nay snacks or food in the house that I wanted to eat due to nausea and aversions. We both WFH and I don't drive.

So anyway, I told DH that I wanted a snack and before I could finish what I was saying and explain that it can wait till he finishes work, he said I should cycle to the motorway service station. I'm working so can't really take the time - but he said it would take 10 mins max.

Am I unreasonable for feeling a little put out by this?

Edit: Just to add, I wasn't expecting my DH to go during the day, I would have waited until he had time to drive

Thanks. He's usually pretty good about it but think he was a bit stressed with work today which is understandable. I also didn't explain the extent of my nausea at the time, so perhaps didn't communicate it that well to him.

Right I agree there are bigger issues here, how are you going to cope throughout pregnancy, or worse with a baby? If you need to go for antenatal apportionments, to A&E, to all the thousands of things you’ll need to take the baby to. What about school when the time comes?

It’s fine not to drive of course but anyone o know who doesn’t drive lives in a city with excellent public transport.

I think you are both unreasonable tbh. It's not that much of a bother for him to get you some snacks at the end of the day given how ill you are feeling. Sounds like a total lack of empathy on his part but I can also see how it might annoy him that you are reliant on him for everything transport wise. There is no way in hell I would live in the countryside and not be able to drive. You are basically trapped and that fills me with dread!
I would seriously prioritise learning to drive OP. There is no reason why you can't start learning now while you're pregnant and if you are any good you might get passed before baby is here. Don't ever rely on a man to do things for you.

I know, I feel for you and hope your partner steps up. I was talking about how little love and kindness others seem to be okay with receiving, if doing a shop run is too much to expect while carrying his child.

Good point and I agree. I will be picking my lessons back up a couple of weeks into my 2nd trimester. Just couldn't face driving lessons with 1st trimester fatigue and morning sickness!

He's being a bit of an arsehole imo. My dh would cycle himself to get me snacks when im pregnant.

before I could finish what I was saying and explain that it can wait till he finishes work, he said I should cycle to the motorway service station.

So what did he say when you said about him waiting until he finishes work?

If I asked my DP to go shopping and then he interrupted me thinking I meant now, I would have corrected him and told him I meant later on when he finished.

If he refuses to drive you to the shops even when he’s not working, then you’re not BU and he’s BVU.

But if he didn’t want to stop working and drive you immediately to the shops and told you to cycle/walk yourself if you wanted it soon (which you are more than capable of doing), then he’s not BU.

I took a test last year and failed but wasn't far off. I paused my lessons and will be resuming them a little into my 2nd trimester once the tiredness and morning sickness has dies down

I think that you need to make sure that before this baby arrives you have a good mode of transport for your daily independent movement.
you can’t be dependent on your husband.
your life will be frustrating and miserable.
even more so when you have kids.

Even if he was in the middle of his shift at work?

He must have a very nice boss because there’s no way my manager would let me leave to go and get snacks for my DP.

Hang on, opening a fridge wasn’t possible but walking into a shop full of food was? Could you not have asked your partner to open the fridge for you?

And I completely agree with PPs you need to do an online delivery for all different types of snacks and keep them in an inoffensive place. And probably move house somewhere you can walk or get public transport if you’re not intending to learn to drive.

Agree with you. I'm carrying the baby, the very least he can do is wait on me hand and foot 😉

Everyone has different relationships and expectations though, but my husband and I were in agreement so that worked for us

She did say that she meant after he was finished working

What did he say when you made it clear you meant after work?

But what if they can’t drive?? It’s not a choice. They’re not just being lazy. They’re legally not allowed? What then? They never go anywhere? I’d think it’s reasonable to expect that the people who love them would be happy to drive them places.

You do realise that lots of people don’t drive and aren’t chained to the house don’t you? You choose to live somewhere where there is good public transport links, taxi/uber, delivery facilities etc.

Expecting someone to do all the driving for you isn’t reasonable- if they want to then great, but that shouldn’t be the expectation.

When I was pregnant I had morning sickness 24/7 for the whole time.

With #1: I remember saying I really fancied sausages. And not just sausages; a particular brand of sausages.
Dh went down to the local shop (5 minutes walk) and as they didn't have them, got on his bike and cycled to the nearest supermarket in town (10 minutes cycle). Because they didn't have them he then cycled (30 minutes in the opposite direction) to the large out of town one, came back and cooked them for me. I took one look, vomited, and didn't want them any more 🤣

With #2 he said in a similar situation "add it to the shopping list and I'll get it next time I'm in the shop".

With #3 he said "when you next go shopping, remember to buy it..."

🤣

This.
People are being mean I think. My husband would 100% get me the food in this instance. You are not being unreasonable.

I’m not even sure I get it. He’s at work, you’re wfh, you called him to tell him you wanted some snacks and he said cycle and get them before you had a chance to say “pick them up on your way home….”?!

maybe he was just busy at work and didn’t have time for a proper conversation. But also if you’re nauseous and hungry and haven’t eaten anything but marmite sandwiches and can’t open the fridge even if there was stuff in there… isn’t it a non event anyway? He can’t get you snacks quickly either way. You presumably don’t tell well enough to wait 1.5 hours or however long it’ll take him

My DH would also get me the food. But I don’t think he said he wouldn’t get it? He said why don’t you cycle and OP didn’t have a chance to ask him to pick it up on his way home?

I think people are being a bit harsh, pregnancy cravings can be intense and unpredictable.
My husband wouldn’t hesitate to get me anything I needed during pregnancy.
However, not driving and being so rural will be a nightmare with a baby.
I would suggest buying a lot of snacks at your next shop, they will keep if your tastes change

This.

Too right!

I guess, I have been told my standards are high but it’s honestly insane to me, if I wanted to do everything on my own I’d have started a family on my own.

You are aware that people are still able to parent well without both parents driving aren't you?

Some people are being a bit unkind on here, I remember having sickness and only being able to eat certain things, the hunger is horrendous and when you eat the wrong thing the sickness is also horrendous, my husband used to come back from work and get me what I needed to get me through it because he was supportive and I was so ill I couldn't even stand up without throwing up so I understand how you feel