11+4 and having cravings - husband says to go out on bike to get snacks

[Tetchy321]

Hi,

So we live in a village that is not really within walking distance to shops. There is a service station that I could cycle to but I don't cycle that often and don't feel confident being near the motorway. I was feeling nauseous and didn't have nay snacks or food in the house that I wanted to eat due to nausea and aversions. We both WFH and I don't drive.

So anyway, I told DH that I wanted a snack and before I could finish what I was saying and explain that it can wait till he finishes work, he said I should cycle to the motorway service station. I'm working so can't really take the time - but he said it would take 10 mins max.

Am I unreasonable for feeling a little put out by this?

Edit: Just to add, I wasn't expecting my DH to go during the day, I would have waited until he had time to drive

Can I just point out that there are many very good (and in fact legal) reasons why someone might not drive.
My DD has epilepsy, she may never be allowed to drive.
I hope people are a bit nicer to her if she ever has a baby.

Any neighbours with well stocked cupboards uou can walk to?
But yes you need to plan for urgent urgent needs with newborn what delivery services are available to you?

YABU

You are a grown adult and if you want a snack then you can go and get one.

If there’s no food in the house then you can ask DH to take you food shopping after work.
But it’s taking the piss to ask him to go to the shop just because you want a snack.

You being pregnant is completely irrelevant.

Depends on his tone and how much you’ve taken it to heart. There is a difference between craving and not being able to eat anything. Sometimes cravings can be exaggerated, whereas only being able to eat a certain thing is more dire.

When I was pregnant recently I would express my cravings and sometimes would “wait days” - but I thought that was reasonable as I didn’t need it then and there.

Whereas at the beginning of my pregnancy I couldn’t eat a thing. And my OH was so concerned that we did take a break from working from home and took a walk until we got something I could stomach. Plus when I had gestational diabetes and he made a meal, I couldn’t have some of the stuff so he rushed out to get the whole grain equivalent.

So I get why you are annoyed. But can the craving wait?

This is madness op, you live somewhere remote and don’t drive and don’t want to cycle. You’ve effectively made your own life very restricted

It isn’t the lack of driving, its choosing to live somewhere and then also being scared to go to the nearest shop. Presumably she wouldn’r choose to live somewhere with poor to no public transport?

Although I agree that people shouldn't be unkind I'm sure you're daughter wouldn't choose to live somewhere where she can't walk and/ or get the bus to the shops!

People saying she’s unreasonable, why? She’s pregnant with his child and hungry, my DH would’ve brought a whole selection of snacks, drinks and surprises as soon as he could and apologised for leaving me without everything I need or want. He’d also have some choice words for a man suggesting his pregnant partner cycle down a motorway for her own snacks.

I’d tell him to fix up and fast, he’s not a good example of a partner or future father from what you’ve said.

Pregnancy isn’t irrelevant! She’s nauseous, ravenous, and living on marmite sandwiches.
Not ideal to be cycling when nauseous and overly hungry, to be honest.

Next time order a supermarket delivery of the snacks you want topped up with food you need.

In fact, do that now so that tomorrow whether you fancy hotdogs, crisps, lime pickle or ice cream, then you have them!

At that stage I was throwing up when I didn’t have the right food, and often when I did. I remember eating hot dogs out of the jar, thinking at last I’d found something that I didn’t throw up! I was wrong, as it happens.

How are you going to get out with the baby?

The bar is so low it’s practically in hell with some people 😂

I had horrendous sickness from 6 weeks through to 24 weeks with dd. Just going into a shop would make me heave due to the smells. I think unless you have experience it, it's really hard to understand just how bloody debilitating 'morning' sickness can be. I ended up being off work at one point, because I was running to heave into the bogs at certain smells. Dh had to do all the shopping. At one point I was craving strawberries (in the middle of winter) and bless him, he went the extra mile to find some (I know you can get strawberries year round now, but this was several years ago and like you OP, we're rural, dh husband drove 30 miles, just to get me some...at the point I was losing a lot of weight as I was struggling to eat anything, or keep anything down).
Whilst I can understand he might not have had the time to go if about to have a work call, he could have said 'I'll go in my next break'. Added to which 10 mins on a bike is a few mins in a car.
Good luck when the baby arrives, I think you might need it, and don't give up your job, whatever you do.

There was food in the house but as OPs title says she had a craving and wanted a snack.

How many times on MN do we say WFH is still working and no one would be turning up at their partners work saying they were craving a particular snack.

You do not need to eat the things you crave.

As OP said, she was happy to wait until he had finished work and so it obviously wasn’t an issue about being hungry.

I think this will be a very loooong pregnancy

People can be right twats about others not driving, people treat me like I'm.backwards because I don't drive, even though it's because I also have epilepsy. Someone even suggested I just get a small car once as if that made a difference to the size of a crash I could cause.

Anyway I digress. Its perfectly possible to have kids without driving, I have 3, but live in a large town. However your life will be infinitely easier if you can learn to drive.

I don't think your DH was being unreasonable, mine is very patient about doing all the driving but am sure he gets fed up at times.

It's not just that I fancied something particular. Opening the fridge would make my nausea a lot worse because of all the smells and any snacks I had in before, made me sick and so made me nauseous even thinking about eating them. Once I get nausea it doesn't go away until I'm sick, even if it's just stomach acid. So my aversions are pretty intense.

I wouldn’t at all judge someone for not wanting to drive, people don’t want to or can’t for lots of reasons.

But when people don’t drive and then expect someone else to do all the driving for them, that’s a different thing entirely.

You're getting a rough ride here OPand I'm not sure why.
Pregnancy can be tough and if my DH had told me to cycle near/on a motorway to get snacks I would've told him to stop being so fucking ridiculous. Getting something on the way home isn't that much of a hardship, I'm not sure why a bit decency and understanding for the woman you love, who's carrying your child is so hard to understand.

Uber? Deliveroo? JustEat?

People are being harsh, perhaps they had easier pregnancies? I had unbelievable nausea and could only have very plain food at times - lots of crackers and things. I couldn’t imagine cycling on a smoggy motorway while feeling like hurling. Honestly I think he’s a jerk - both my partner and I have picked up things for each other when someone is feeling ill or just exhausted. He doesn’t sound that caring tbh. I would start the ball rolling on driving lessons asap as it really is easier with kids if you can drive places!

It wasn't just because I wanted a snack. All the food in the house, including just the mere smell of the contents fridge was making my nausea worse and I had stomach acid that I could feel burning. If I don't eat when I feel the acid, the nausea doesn't go away until I vomit the acid, it isn't pleasant.

The title didn't allow me to enter much text and is not the full picture

I got a Deliveroo in the end so all good.

I get the WFH part but at the same time I don’t think thats how a good partner would respond regardless. You’re supposed to go out of your way for each other and look after each other- I don’t think OP has that,

‘I’ll go and get everything you want just as soon as I have five minutes, I’m sorry that I’m so busy darling’ or similar is what I’d expect if he couldn’t go until later.

Thanks, and sorry to hear about your morning sickness. It can be pretty intense - some people are lucky I guess and don't get it so bad. As I said, even opening the fridge triggers my nausea at the moment. So my 'cravings' are really just anything that doesn't make me want to be sick!