Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

[Zod666]

I read everyday about children's behaviour, even primary school age where they are out of control, don't fear or respect adults and this is all down to that loverly middle class BS known as 'Gentle Parenting'.

Let's just call this out for what it is, because it does not work. I have a friend who's 8 year old son does what he likes, is disrespectful, hits his mum and no amount of 'punishment' such as removal of electronic devices etc makes a blind bit of difference, he just does not care.

So how do we discipline children like this? is it really bad to give them a measured smack on the back of the legs/bum? Obviously there is a difference between a smack to correct a child and beating the hell out of them which is child abuse and should be prosecuted, and in England smacking is still legal.......

In years gone by their have always been kids that will go too far, and by this I mean the James Bulger killers who I think no amount of discipline would have changed their outcome in life, but for the majority of kids I feel we are failing them with this soft approach where there think they can do anything without repercussions.

AIBU?

It is currently legal in England but there is a huge body of research that says it is absolutely not ok and causes long-term harm.

The Royal College of Paediatricians are lobbying to have it made illegal. Do parents who currently smack really think they know better? And in 20 years time will their grown-up children (who almost certainly will NOT be allowed to smack their own children) agree?

This thread carries echoes of Delbert Grady's disciplinary/parenting manual from The Shining: 'I "corrected" [my creepy twins], Sir. And when my wife tried to stop me doing my duty I ... "corrected" her'.

Because surely 'they've got to learn!' (Learn that some parents are arseholes who can't keep control of their tempers, perhaps).

Agree with this. I read a study a few years ago (I'll try to find it) that stated that in the majority of violent child on child crimes, the perpetrator came from an abusive household and I belive the same holds true for adult violent offenders.

Not people in general but you're children that you have a legal and moral duty to discipline if they misbehave.

Like for example I wouldn't mind it being used as a form of legal punishment after someone's been convicted of something like shoplifting or vandalism for example.

There's more to it than that.

In reality, actually they are quite similar. Both end badly. You can be empathetic and kind and still have boundaries.

How on earth is hitting someone "protection"? Talk about gaslighting.

They aren't similar at all, and how does gentle parenting end badly?

Gentle parenting is literally being empathetic and kind and having boundaries.

Ok so we're teaching children that if someone does something you dislike you can hit them, but only if they're smaller and more vulnerable than you?

Smacking is a violent act. You can't sugarcoat it.
If you smacked an adult you could rightly be charged with assault. Why is it OK to smack a child who is smaller and weaker than you?
'Gentle chastisement' is bullshit. Your idea of a 'gentle' smack might be totally different to me, or your neighbour or anyone else. It's an act that's open to interpretation.
AND you could argue that if it's gentle, i.e. doesn't hurt, what's the point? It's going to be a pretty ineffective deterrent/control measure.

I have no idea how you've come up with this from what I've said.

I know. I'm am educational academic who has put decades of research into it. They are NOT similar and you clearly don't have a clue.

I work in and research in education and I can tell you the boundaries are blurred. You clearly know nothing about parenting or education.

Maybe fully educate yourself about what gentle parenting is and how it works and why. You can soon see who is doing it correctly and it working. Then you'll be able to spot the cba "Oh I gentle parent" people!!

The smacking ban will, without a doubt, come into force in England sooner or later. I don't know why they keep faffing about with it. Just do it already.

This. It’s fucking disgusting that it’s legal to assault a child.

If you think that gentle and permissive parenting are similar, and that gentle parenting "ends badly", you're working in the wrong field.

I agree with this 1000% although I realize in many cultures this is frowned on.

Not a fan of gentle parenting, it doesn't prepare children for life outside home, Everyone has to find a balance but 'authoritative parenting', strikes a reasonable balance of nurture with respect for boundaries.

Any adult who hits a child has failed, it's a fundamental safeguarding issues and should be reported as such. No exceptions.

What are you on? You're advocating for corporal punishment! So, if the first smack didn't work, you would do it harder? Until when?

Oh OK. I'll return my first class degree in education, my PGCE, my Master's in education and my Doctorate in education because someone on Mumsnet said that I "clearly know nothing" about education.

You're just embarrassing yourself. It's most amusing, though.

I was a complete shit as a child (think biting my parents if I didn't get my way) - a complete horror at home and an angel at school. My parents regularly smacked me, shouted, used authoritarian punishments, but I saw all these things as positive. They were very young when they had me and didn't spend a lot of time with me, so I got their attention any way I could.

I've never raised my voice to my 10 year old, never mind even considered hitting him. I told myself long ago that I would not repeat my parent's mistakes. Ok, I'm slightly biased, but he's mature, kind and (mostly) extremely well behaved.

I don't believe that kids are more badly behaved these days - I remember a lot of the kids in my class in school who were awful. Many of them had parents who were just not that interested in spending time with them and I think the same holds true today. I think it's partly attention seeking, lack of good behavioural role models and lack of effort in teaching proper boundaries and respect for others.

Gentle parenting has been an amazing parenting tool for me and lots of other people I know - I agree that there's some inverse snobbery around gentle parenting, with comments like "Tarquin" being overly pandered to by his middle class parents being very telling 🙄

I have 2 dc with ADHD. I think I probably did gentle parenting without knowing about gentle parenting.
all I knew was I didn’t want to scream and shout at my children every single day for any minor mishap. I wanted to raise confident children
If dc did something that needed correcting I would get down to their level and tell them why it wasn’t a nice thing to do and how they could have tackled somethings differently. How they would feel if someone did that to them and what to do if something like that happened again. It took such a long time but I like to think they learned what to do if a situation arose again rather than it was better to not do something just to save having the long boring conversation about why it’s best not to do something naughty

Although having ADHD myself (not diagnosed and not knowing that my dc or I had ADHD at the time) I had very few rules overall.
I would sit listening to other mothers listing all the rules that they required their children to adhere to and knew there was no way I could remember all the rules as an adult let alone expecting dc to remember them.

The boundary between gentle (authoritative) and permissive parenting isn't blurred.

It your/some people's understanding of the term.