Gentle Parenting has failed, lets accept this.

[Zod666]

I read everyday about children's behaviour, even primary school age where they are out of control, don't fear or respect adults and this is all down to that loverly middle class BS known as 'Gentle Parenting'.

Let's just call this out for what it is, because it does not work. I have a friend who's 8 year old son does what he likes, is disrespectful, hits his mum and no amount of 'punishment' such as removal of electronic devices etc makes a blind bit of difference, he just does not care.

So how do we discipline children like this? is it really bad to give them a measured smack on the back of the legs/bum? Obviously there is a difference between a smack to correct a child and beating the hell out of them which is child abuse and should be prosecuted, and in England smacking is still legal.......

In years gone by their have always been kids that will go too far, and by this I mean the James Bulger killers who I think no amount of discipline would have changed their outcome in life, but for the majority of kids I feel we are failing them with this soft approach where there think they can do anything without repercussions.

AIBU?

You remove them from the situation.

They miss out on fun things etc.

Quite.

I don't know how much more evidence there needs to be for people to stop justifying hurting their own children. The charity leaders, paediatricians, behavioural psychiatrists, children's psychologists, must all be wrong.

I've reported your comment OP. You come across very rude.

Can't be arsed to read the full thread, but proper Gentle Parenting with proper boundaries and discipline absolutely does work.

It is highly unintelligent to assault children to get them to behave. It shows a loss of control and a complete lack of education in child behaviour.

It is perfectly reasonable. It's the most effective form of punishment.

It’s like to land you in custody in the not so distant future.

It makes your child afraid of you. Their behaviour doesn't change because they understand why it's wrong; it changes because they're afraid of the consequences. Then they learn that hitting is an appropriate response to anyone doing something they dislike.

The laws are just about to change to make smacking completely illegal.

There are no plans to do this. GPs have asked for this but it’s unlikely to happen.

Where I grew up a boy tried to blow up our school. Ended up almost killing a poor dinner lady. In the other secondary school in our town a girl was stabbed in the bathroom by another girl. The same girl who ended up murdering someone else and became the youngest female convicted of murder in the UK...she may still hold that title. Oh and this was middle class Surrey in the 90s. Just because bullying and beatings are plastered all over social media now, doesn't mean it didn't used to happen before.

Try being a boomer! My DM would slap me all the time. Teachers threw things at you. I agree hat smacking should be outlawed but what will happen? Children taken into care even though social workers can't cope already? Compulsory parenting classes that won't actually have any consequences if not attended? Fines that can't or won't be paid? Sorry but education has to be the better way. Maybe ongoing face to face parenting classes that you get rewarded for?

I'd be interested to see your research in this, as this is something I researched myself during my Master's degree studies. What makes you say that hitting a child is effective? Whose studies show this?

If nothing works that would suggest he is not developmentally ready to meet the standards she is expecting . Maybe he has SEN, or maybe he is acting out due to some other upset in his life. Or maybe her standards are unrealistic? It depends what the behaviour is. Inflicting physical pain is not the answer .

I was listening to super head Katharine Birbalsingh on LBC this week and she completely nailed what ive always felt about Gentle Parenting. The upper Middle Classes come along with a new parenting ideology. They have the infuence and suddenly we are made to feel our own methods aren't suddenly good enough. I think about the people we know who subscribe to this and all without exception dont live in the same reality as most! We have this one friend who is always all over the newest parenting theory. Tried to give us advice about flying with little kids... Solution was take your live in nanny on holiday, stick the kids in economy with her and travel in First 🤣 ah, Im just grumpy after another nightmare World Book Day 🤣

We have a forum that condemns violence in relationships, yet some want to hit a child.. What a strange view to have.. No hitting each other, but it's ok to hit your child..
Disgusting.

But the behaviour changes to the correct behaviour.

Prosecution I expect, social services investigation and parenting courses so the parents can learn how to discipline and instil good behaviour without resorting to violence.

it is underway right now. I think it’s very likely in this parliament. It is obscene to imagine that it’s ever been ‘allowed’ thank goodness times are moving on.

Yes indeed, it's increasingly clear from your articulate, measured and informed responses to anyone who disagrees with you that being smacked hasn't affected you in the slightest and you are not at all consumed with irrational anger and insecurities.👍

So it's fine if they hit people who don't do what they want, as long as you get the short term benefit of them obeying you out of fear? Incredible parenting.

Like what? For a two year old? I don't really understand what 'gentle parenting' is but from some of the explanations here, I think I probably did/do it. If you know and understand your child, a serious conversation really does hit home. Explaining about other people's feelings isn't soft or inactive. It's really important. You can see a child's face change when they get it. Because they've thought about it and considered other people and their feelings and circumstances as distinct from their own. You can scare a child into obedience, sure. But only when you're around. I'm 100% certain that children who are chaotic and aggressive at school are far more likely to be living in fear of violence at home than those not whacked routinely. As other people have said, piss poor and negligent parenting is a huge issue. Violence at home even more so.

I just don't know any nightmare kids. All my nieces and nephews are lovely little people, all my friends' kids are same. None have ever been slapped or shouted at but have clear boundaries set. Most of my partner's family are teachers in fairly low income areas and report some difficulties teaching kids whose young lives were terribly disrupted by the pandemic but otherwise enjoy their work and like their pupils.

Just have no knowledge or experience of what you're claiming op.

I don't agree with smacking. I also don't agree with gentle/permissive parenting. Children need boundaries. Not everything is someone else's fault. You cannot excuse a behaviour by blaming a condition, either. They may need supports but, ultimately, they still need to learn to behave in society. Children need to take responsibility for their actions and also.to be told, "no".

That is gentle parenting.

It's okay to smack children to correct misbehaviour. Perfectly legal in England and many other places in the world.