Partner Freaked Out By Women Who Fart/Poo (so yes, all women)

[ThatNavyGoose]

Basically the title - I have been with my partner for almost 8 years and he is a wonderful partner and Dad to our children. BUT - he has never farted in front of me and I have never DARED to fart in front of him. I have never heard him fart even once. He is completely freaked out by the concept that women fart/poo. I pooped a lot in labour with our baby and he pretended like it never happened and has never once acknowledged it. He says he feels this way because of how he was brought up - his parents were exceptionally strict about farting/burping and he used to get in lots of trouble for it, so he finds it really rude/disrespectful and it freaks him out. Our sister in law burps all the time and he will literally get up and leave the room because he can’t stand it. I don’t WANT to fart in front of him particularly but I still worry about one slipping out because he’d be totally disgusted and I’d be mortified. Is it unreasonable to think that after 8 years together he would have relaxed a bit?!

My last colonoscopy prep, the pain was so bad I fainted off the toilet, hit my head on the floor and was unconscious for a while. Unbeknownst to me, while I was unconscious, the prep was still "happening"...

DH came in the bathroom, helped me come round, cleaned me up, then cleaned the bathroom up, ready for round 2 (and 3, 4, 5 etc 😂).

But then he's a grown, adult man and knows that women have the same bodily functions as anyone else. For obvious reasons, I couldn't be with someone who was so immature they were squeamish about a fart. DH has seen my insides when they cut me open to pull a baby out, my insides when they took my bowel out, and my colon/stomach/gallbladder/uterus on multiple occasions on a screen.

Somehow he's still alive and well 🙄

I absolutely hate that women are taught its not proper for them to have natural bodily functions. When men act like its gross that we also fart and poo and that it makes us less attractive if they ever witness it, and women shaming other women for using public/work toilets for more than just a wee.
I have been with my fiance for four and a half years, and i have only ever had to poo at my in-laws 3 times, and every time was mortifying for me. I have IBS-D so when i've had to i've really had to, and the time it takes to go, clean up etc means it was bloody obvious what i was doing. One time i bloody blocked it too but was able to sort it. He's ASD and despises air freshener so was none in the house and no bleach to put down the loo, and he was also a big no to opening windows for bugs getting in. I've not had to poo at his new place by himself hes been in the past 6 months, and im even more terrified as not only is it an internal bathrom inside the bedroom with no window or working ventilation fan, its a macerator toilet so even flushable wipes i rely on are a no go in an emergency. I literally take imodium before i go to visit for overnights. I can't stand the thought of him smelling my poo, or potentially blocking his dodgy loo and not being able to sort it myself. I'm also ASD with OCD and i just wouldn't handle it.

Its just been ingrained in me by society and playground bullies (not my parents) that womens bodily functions shouldn't be heard or smelled but kept secret, and i'm scared he'll be disgusted and go off me if he ever has to go in a bathroom after me and can smell that i've had to poo. Of course we've talked and he's reassured me that won't happen, and he's lived full time with a previous partner and grew up with a sister and ofc his mum so is no stranger to women pooing so wouldn't give it a second thought. I know i'm being silly, i smell his morning shits every time i visit and i dont find him gross or any less sexy and desireable, he even woke me up with constipation agony groans from the bathroom at 4am last week and all i cared about was that he was in pain. I really hope i am able to get over it by the time we can afford to live together or i'm in for a miserable life trying to time my poos around him being out or asleep!

DH and I try not to fart in front of each other although we do, of course, hear each other in our sleep.
We also don’t intentionally burp in front of each other. I am quite burpy, however so I am constantly saying pardon me, sorry etc.

I recently had an extremely bad stomach flu and was really very ill.
I did have a very bad episode in our en-suite which I cleaned up as best as I could. Apologies for the TMI but it was in the hinges of the toilet seat (and on the wall 😔🤮).
I DID say that I was extremely ill!
I cleaned and cleaned, with bleach spray, but I just couldn’t get it all.
I did what I could, in between further episodes and showers.
Went back to bed, in agony.

I heard him going in, in the morning. Lots of cursing followed and I could hear the bleach spray being used.
I said to him later that I was really very ill and he said, Yes I noticed that you’d been sick.
I don’t know if he really thought that or if he was just being polite.

I was ill for a good two weeks, it was horrendous.
Thank God for bleach and bathroom windows!

(DC and I are vey unrestrained when it comes to emitting gas and we do laugh uproariously 😂)

Go to the toilet.

100% this

What do YOU do?

I'd hold it in until I needed to get up and go to another room. But, my standard TV watching pose is sideways along the sofa with my legs on DP's lap, so if I did fart it'd be a direct hit.

How would you cope if you developed an intestinal/bowel condition? It's not a realistic or healthy attitude to have and bodily functions should be put before prudishness or you can do yourself actual damage. Will also give your kids (if you have any) a hang up about it all.

No
My current crush doesn’t fart or poo

Clearly you need to learn the difference between prudish and embarrased before you embarras yourself by accusing incorrectly. There's a world of difference.
FYI, I do have IBS, and yes, I can still be mortified about the consequences of needing to fart/poo/double-up with pain, thank you.
And finally, don't dare tell me how to manage the mental welfare of others in relation to bodily functions

This is just a physiological reaction of human beings, what's the fuss? ? ? He doesn't fart or poop?

Of course everyone poos. everyone knows that the person sat oposite you on the bus also poos. I know it is a natural bodily function.
However, that doesn't mean one has to announce that's what you're about to do.or that it is embarrassing to fart in public. I also try not to burp in from of others, because it's impolite.
I also have IBS, so you can imagine how difficult life is on a flare-up day!

Those who polite and considerate of company do not knowingly fart/burp or vomit in front of others. Obviously, some cannot help it, due to medical/MH issues, but generally, why be crass?

Before the mid-80s, women in our hospital were given an enema in early labour precicely to stop pooing while delivering a baby. The theory was that it wasn't pleasant for anyone, inclding baby, and enough mess is produced so adding shit to the soup was unnecessary!

Where was it?

Are you seriously asserting that if you are polite enough not to knowingly share one's bodily functions with one's partner, one cannot look after them in true times of need.
You have no idea how partnerships work. Or may be you just don't understand that there's a difference between common politeness and manners and the bonds that allow partner's to respect their partner's 'foibles' etc, but know that they'd have their back in a crisis.
FYI, I have cleared more shit in my career than you can imagine. Doesn't mean I have to let all and sundry I'm off for one, or that I think it's ok to let one rip in public.

Same here. He sounds ideal to me.

I often wonder how men can be attracted to women after seeing them evacuating their bowels.

See, in my world we give our loved ones the same courtesy, if not more, as we do people at work, school, etc.

Comfort at home doesn't equal being an uncouth slob with no manners.

Decent people step out of the room the same as they would to urinate or defecate.

I can’t imagine not finding farting funny! You must be exhausted holding all that wind in as must he! My husband has just trumped on cue in bed this very second & now I’m giggling, writing this in the dark. Imagine the freedom of trumping freely! My Dad was the same, he said “young ladies should go to the toilet to pass wind”. Imagine that.

You could always have a bath or shower after a poo with nice smellies to disguise it if you were wanting to disguise it.

Umm. How has he coped with nappies? Toilet training? The fart joke stage of childhood? Kids farting? Good luck getting kids not to fart in front of you, I have been trying for a long time.

I once farted in year 1 and the teacher stopped talking and demanded whoever did it to own up and apologise. She was furious and there was complete silence until I had to put my hand up and own up. I still remember it, and it's not like I did it on purpose! It's probably the only time I even got told off in primary school. What's worse is my friends remembered it years later and made fun of me for it 😩

I don't think anybody likes to smell another person's farts and to purposely do it in the vicinity of someone when you are able to walk away and do it somewhere else is rude imo. However sometimes this just isn't. Possible as you just can't feel one coming especially as I've got older I've noticed the odd one just slips out (fucking annoyingly). I've also been known to sleep in the spare room if I come to bed after DH and he's been farting in his sleep and the room stinks.

But hey it is what it is, we are only human, everyone shits, everyone farts.

Years ago I was with a bloke who never farted in front of me in five years. We didn't live together though. It amazed me he was able to be so restrained but it also made me feel that I could never do it in front of him which was something I vowed never to get into again after we split up.

not sure it's a dealbreaker op but it's not very normal in a relationship I don't think. Like others have said can you really imagine the pressure of living the rest of your life trying your utter best not to let one go in front of him.

I’m with your DH. It’s incredibly rude and unpleasant to fart in front of other people.

Tell him Jonathan Swift got there first in 1732?
https://www.poetryfoundation.org/poems/50579/the-ladys-dressing-room

Although there is a nice balance between absolute repression and using the toilet in each others presence.....