Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

This is what gets me. The amount of posters on here that suggest ND DC would be better behaved if parents abused them. Clearly they are lazy, poor parents that have been lucky to have easy DC. Or maybe they ignore their DC so much they do not recognise their own DC's difficulties. But they sit there, judging those of us that really have to be on top form 24 hours a day with little respite.

Let's face it, some cheeky buggers use this whole ND as bit of a free get out of jail card, ain't it?

There is a difference between defending yourself, and punching or attacking someone in revenge.

I would not be impressed if a 2 yo hit me. I'm surprised you think that people have 2 yos running around hitting others and everyone is fine with that. I did have one friend whose child went through a hitting/biting phase at around 18 months, although it was usually directed at other children, and she was told very firmly by the leader of the playgroup we went to that she must be closely supervising her (i.e. hovering and ready to immediately stop her if she went for another child) at all times and if she was occupied by her other child she had to let someone else know so they could cover for her.

If your child lashes out without warning (and that's not really the case, an involved parent/carer who is closely watching them should be able to pick up on subtle signs) then you have to keep them very close to you and be ready to intervene immediately.

The biggest issue being ‘autism’ is really just a symptom of a huge variety of conditions not a single condition so there isn’t a single ‘autism’ difference. https://www.thetransmitter.org/spectrum/brain-structure-changes-in-autism-explained/

I'd be pretty annoyed if a random toddler came up and hit me tbh

I don’t think that anyone should be hit in public. Whether it is a stim or not or disability related or not , we all have a right to be in public without being assaulted.

… I hope you can behave appropriately. What sort of idiot would shout at an intellectually disabled person?

As far as I'm aware, the legal notion of "capacity" extends only as far as whether somebody is mentally competent to manage their own decisions; it says nothing about involuntary actions which involve no decision-making in the first place.

Who is suggesting that parents abuse their ND children?

I shouldn't have to put myself or my children at risk because of someone else's neurodiversities. I'm disabled too, physically, and have the right to not be assaulted.

Why complain about respite? You chose to have children. When you choose to procreate, there is a chance that the child will be disabled/neurodiverse. Complaining about something you chose is the height of entitlement.

The title related to hidden disabilities.

This is the issue with society, expectations for equality but only if it suits individuals agendas..

Are the rights of those who could be impacted considered?

I'm genuinely pleased to see this being discussed. All views are valid views whether we agree or disagree with them.

From my perspective, it's encouraging to hear that at least some elements of my OP are resonating with those who may not have otherwise looked at it in the way that I do on a daily basis.

I can sit here and type all day long as to what I experience, but at the end of the day my own son is loving and kind despite not knowing the difference between right/wrong or good/bad behaviour. We guide and nurture, remove from situations if we have to and at times restrain (I bet people would judge me for that too tbf!), but all we can do is ensure that he doesn't have to live a life whereby people are angry with him through no fault of his own.

Far too many "shoulds" and sneers involved when it comes to people with no experience of ND giving their opinions, and it is this that drove me to posting.

Thanks all, genuinely all.

Who needs therapy when you've an AIBU board 😅

Complaining that people are prioritising their needs and rights above yours, whilst Complaining that others won't prioritise your needs and rights above theirs. Oh the irony.

You are absolutely right.

My daughter was once quite badly hurt when an older child with a learning disability pushed her head first into a metal pole in splash pool at the park. I wasn't annoyed with the little girl who did pushed my daughter. I was however annoyed that her parents or carers where nowhere to be seen and should have been watching her as she was quite big and strong and appeared to have a mental age of someone much younger.

If someone runs up and hits my child or me, how do I know if they are disabled or not?

My reflex would be to immediately shout to stop. What would you recommend that I do in that situation?

That something is a stim does not mean it has to be tolerated or that the person doing the stim should not be helped to find an alternative, more socially appropriate stim. As well as hurting others, stims can include sexual and self-injurious behaviours. Sometimes it is about teaching the appropriate time and place (eg masturbating), other times it is about redirecting them to a different stim that fulfils the same sensory need.

No, I won’t accept my child being slapped, punched, spat on or kicked because the child in their class is ND. It’s soul destroying. It’s NOT ok. Then the inclusion card is wheeled out. I am so bloody sick of it. My child is terrified to go to school because she knows she will be attacked as are others in the class and the school does nothing. The poor teacher can’t do anything either. Constant disruption, violence and lashing out. 29 other kids detrimentally affected. No.

Ha! Hidden disability advocacy has been nothing but harmful to people with (usually actually far more severe) visible disabilities. If there is some backlash, it's because this advocacy has been going on for a long time and people are recognising that it has had some detrimental impacts.

That doesn't mean it is all bad or totally wrong. It was originally very well meant and made some entirely valid points. There are hidden disabilities; they do exist; and there was originally a genuine lack of awareness about them. But by now, "hidden disability" has become a label that is often perceived as actually WORSE than visible disability, even when someone with a visible disability is much more restricted, more unwell and more limited in what they can do! An invisible disability may be unpleasant but fluctuating, partial and challenging, while a visible disability may be absolute, hardline and non negotiable. The "invisible disability" discourse wants to collapse distinctions between the two as if it's offensive even to discuss them.

But there are real, tangible differences that matter. And we should be able to talk about them. Material physical reality ought not to be taboo subject, and MN of all places should acknowledge that.

Also, visible disabilities are constantly co-opted as a rhetorical device and people claim incessantly that people with a visible disability would be treated better. But we aren't!

There it is …. You said your husband was punching people.… my guy is just swinging his arms because he is re-learning use of his arms doing daily tasks. He didn’t hit anyone, but there you are thinking he has punched someone at ASDA.

I thought exactly the same when I read the op.

This is my stance too.

I wouldn’t hesitate to do whatever I had to, to protect my toddler. Not in a million years will I ever allow them to be harmed at the hands of another person when I can prevent it.

Your missing my point. Some of these fully grown men will have the mental age of a toddler or young child.

But that would include the decision to put yourself in the position where your involuntary actions may lead to hurt. For example, if you knew you suffered seizures but chose to drive a car resulting in an accident leading to death/injury you would be charged with causing that death even though the seizure was involuntary.

I was kind of with you apart from this

“Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄”

My then 2yo got essentially karate kicked in a public venue by a well built autistic 17yo male. Carer’s he was with thought telling me that he was autistic was a fine and reasonable excuse. So yes I reported it to the police. What else could I have done? I felt extremely grateful my son wasn’t more badly hurt.