Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

Also agree with this. I draw the line at assault. If anyone out in public is at risk of assaulting another member of the public, measures need to be taken to prevent that. There is a difference physically between an overexcited toddler being held in the queue behind me pulling my hair, and a full grown adult with adult strength doing it. To note: I’d be pissed off about the toddler too and expect the parent to prevent it happening by watching their child.

That doesn’t mean locking people away or calling police. It does mean that carers need to be full time aware and direct the person they are looking after away from potential situations where this could happen.

I agree. I was shocked at the hair pulling thread. Of course what that young man did was wrong, of course the carer was at fault, of course noone, regardless of age or gender should be hurt or frightened. Obviously we cannot know what the young man was thinking or his level of understanding. Maybe he was bully.

However, the repeated suggestion that we should respond by shrieking, screaming and physically abusing a person with learning difficulties to the extent they had a carer... It really was sickening.

We need better pay, training and respect for carers and then hold them to high standards. Of course no one should tolerate being hit but surely people should have the common sense to respond proportionally and beating up someone disabled... Yeh, youre the bad guy in that situation. My dementia-ridden grandmother once lashed out hard at my husband. 6ft vs 4ft8 80 year old, he should have laid her out as she attacked first?

I always associate the laughing emoji with people of limited thinking

I don't have to put up with anyone hitting me, I could not care less what their excuse is. If they can't behave appropriately in society by themselves, then someone should be there to make sure that they do.

Likewise, my child shouldn't have to put up with that shit in her classroom either.

You don't have to like it, but my priority will always be for my family, not some random stranger on the street.

I think the hitting reference comes from yesterdays thread about the apparently non-verbal male yanking a posters daughters hair and not letting go.

There is no place that this is acceptable. I do agree the carer is responsible for such a lapse.

And I also agree the person suffering the assault is free and right to complain / report as necessary.

And if you were there as the carer , and your son did that to my daughter, who may herself have hidden disabilities, you can bet your life I would crucify you.

Disability or not, no one is yanking my child's hair, twice and not letting go. So be it.

People should be able to live a life free from assault

Children should be able to go to school and work in an environment where they will be able to get an education.

I have a hidden disability. That doesn't mean I get to ride roughshod over the rights of others

You agreeing and laughing with the comment about menopausal women has lost you any sympathy from me though I'm afraid op. Menopause can cause all sorts of problems and can actually be quite disabling in itself.

You'll be there yourself one day, as will i, and hopefully you'll have learnt some compassion for women going through a very difficult time by then just as you want people to be compassionate about disabled people.

I agree that assault is a line.. in any form.

The rights of disabled people also do not trump mine.

This ^
especially the non verbal example.

I hope you feel better OP. It is not clear why you’ve posted and what about, it feels like you were raging with emotions and the purpose was ranting.

I think you have to balance the rights of all people though, not just one person or one group of people, people have a right to not be assaulted, regardless of whether the person assaulting them has a hidden disability. All children have a right to a decent quality of education, if that’s not possible because of one child constantly disrupting the class, then I can see why people become resentful, even though they know that child cannot help it and also needs an education.

I think a lot of hostility comes from people feeling as though one group of people’s needs are seen as more important than everyone else’s. It’s a careful balance and hard to get right sometimes. I think it’s more than often a failure of the system that causes this hostility and resentment, as with the right support most of these issues wouldn’t occur.

And yes YABVU to agree with the misogynistic comment.

What you've described isn't a hidden disability.
And the public should not have to just suck up being assaulted. A friend of mine has a autistic, non verbal teenage son, it's a real battle for her to stop him watching and grabbing women's boobs and bum in the street. Absolutely 100% not is fault, he has zero self control or understanding why he can't have what he wants (and it is sexual). If a woman slaps him or screams and pushes him off (he is big) I don't blame her, she has a right to defend herself.
It's awful for all involved.

Yes, that seems totally uncontroversial. If, OP, the man in question in the thread you reference didn’t have capacity, then it was up to his carer to prevent him from hurting a stranger in a cafe whose hair attracted him, twice. And who didn’t manage this.

I agree here as well and I'm nd raising an nd child. Nobody deserves to be hurt and there's no excuse for it . I've been assaulted by a grown man with severe Id and it was terrifying. He held on to me and my back for over 40 minutes and his carers had no control over him , I was very angry and upset as they stood there and made every excuse under the sun and tried to minimise the situation.

Are you in cahoots with greg wallace

Menopause can be bloody debilitating. I was going to say that you WNBU, but after this I think you are. If you want tolerance, show tolerance.

Anyone assaulted is free to report it to the police if they wish. The police and CPS can decide if ND is a mitigating factor. But the idea that people must be understanding and just put up with it, is for the birds.

@Trolllol

I was in an accident and have a brain injury.

I do not have a brain that reliably controls my body. I have a brain the likes to fuck around with my body. I shake, I lose motor control to bits of my body randomly, I don't have good temperature control of my body at all.

I'm medically retired and use a wheelchair.

I still stand by the line I draw is at hurting other people.

If my body is doing weird shit (which frankly it does a lot of the time) I stay further away from people.

Most people can tell I'm not normal (the wheelchair is a bit of a free clue) and give me more space as it's obvious I'm shaky and frail.

I'm sorry but I think you are wrong. Everyone has the right to a reasonable quality of life/education and you are massively downplaying issues.

I will not tolerate being hit, by anyone.

If I have paid for something then I should be able to enjoy that thing. Some people think ND makes them entitled to go anywhere and behave however they behave, not caring if they completely spoil it for others. Sometimes in life you just have to accept yours/kids limitations and not purposely go into a situation knowing you/they can't cope with it and will spoil it for others.

Every child should be able to go to school and learn. They should not have to put up with hitting or constant high level disruption. It simply isn't fair.

As a parent with a pubescent son who is uncommunicative, scared, frustrated, non understanding, yet walks like a standard human - hitting for him is a defence mechanism, it's also a stim.

OP, I can't imagine how difficult that must be for you, your son and your family. I hope you have lots of support.

I think you are being very unreasonable! Not for thinking some Mumsnetters think people with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as NT people but by getting irate about it and posting about it on AIBU.
It's pointless and it's not going to help anyone. It's going to upset you and make you angry. You have enough to deal with without getting involved in online arguments with random strangers on AIBU. You aren't going to get a rational conversation on AIBU.

The stereotype of the weird dangerous man with learning disabilities or mental health problems is very strong in the uk. It’s scary if you love someone who fits into that group because despite being feared by many (particularly women raised by the bigoted and surrounded by the predatory to be hyper aware of danger) they are in fact an extremely vulnerable group. “Vulnerable” is an overused term nowadays but it is apt in this group. people aren’t really seeing who is most likely to be hurt in many of these scenarios. They also probably are fairly decent people so will be unaware of just how hostile an environment the world is for disabled people.

My DD has severe LD and can be violent. I have a permanent injury because of this.

If there’s a chance something will trigger her, I don’t take her into that environment. It is not fair that her disability could cause a permanent injury to someone else. Not fair on that person, or on her.

By the ops logic, menopausal women are allowed to be bitter and raging because they are menopausal.

People have a right to be safe using 'well they have a hidden disability so this excuses what harm they do' is wrong

Dress it up anyway you like