Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

@Whatthebarnacles I have Parkinson's and you cannot see it? You can only 'see' it when it's either late stage or the patient isn't taking medication

YANBU.
Just to reassure you OP - I personally have more awareness than I ever have of those with disabilities/differences, hidden or not. I act appropriately and always with kindness. My children see my actions, we discuss differences and as a result they are kind and compassionate themselves.
I was recently tapped - not hit as it didn’t hurt me, on the head by a lady with her carer whilst in a shop queue. The carer apologised. I said not to worry. These things happen.

As someone with visible disabilities, we often get treated or spoken about poorly too - I don't think one trumps the other. But to be honest OP, whilst I am in agreement with some of your comments, I think you display some pretty abhorrent views yourself, so it's hard to drum up too much sympathy. And on a seperate note, if someone acts violently and "it can't be helped" then they shouldn't be in a position to act like that, but others also have rights, and they have the right to not be assaulted or treated inappropriately.

You really haven't done yourself any favours here.

You say potato, I say puh-tah-to.
You say 'non verbal, lashing out', I say "Ouch, I've been assaulted!"
Doesn't matter who did it or what you call it. What do you expect people to do in that scenario? Take a beating?

Of course people shouldn't be shut away unless they are a real danger, ie likely to stab someone, but I would hope that if a person with autism was non verbal and likely to react in a violent way in certain situations, then their carers would ensure they weren't in those situations in the first place.

I agree with this. There rarely seems to be any acknowledgement that the person on the receiving end of behaviours such as this could also have a hidden disability affecting their reaction. You see it all the time on threads about people making involuntary noise, with people told to “suck it up” - but not everyone can, and there is zero sympathy.

I think people are tired of neurodiversity being used to excuse behaviour that no one should have to tolerate. It's bringing a backlash against disabled people generally and really angers me.

Sounds like a lot of excuses.

There is an adult level debate about send children in mainstream schools and the additional resources that requires which takes resources from elsewhere. This isn't anti disability, it's trying to get the right environment for everyone. You mention 'my rights'. What rights do you think take priority?

I've seen women and girls groped by people. I don't know what's going on or if someone is 'ND'. I'm still going to intervene.

This doesn't seem a very well founded rant.

THIS ^

I've felt the same , reading some posts
I used to join and try to give a bit of advice,but I don't bother any more .
I'm diagnosed autistic and my boys are to .
Mumsnet makes me feel bad about myself and my boys quite regularly,with all the negative attitudes towards autism.
Even a general thread ,can end up autism bashing,and it feels like some people are just there making comments to make autistic people feel feel shit .
I don't know though
I often wonder if I'm just to sensitive tho ,so I don't usually say anything
But it does worry me for my boys future

Actually there is loads of research looking at brain structure. Indeed, it was a court case over this point that means those with autism are able to get the mobility component of DLA/PIP.

These magical, very large, strong carers that can exert highly skilled, physical restraint. While simultaneously being paid minimum wage.

Or let their child take one?

Would you say that if a toddler hit you? Some much older children have the mental age of a toddler and they will lash out with no warning so it's not because their parents/carers let them.
Thankfully my DS doesn't do this at present but he is a low functioning autistic child. He's non verbal stims almost all the time, licks everything and doesn't sit still for more than about 5 or 6 minutes.
I'm sick of the looks I get sometimes, I'm doing my best but people love to judge someone who is different. I'm terrified of what will happen when he gets older (he's only 4 but is more like a 2 year old and already faces so much prejudice. He's not aware but I am).

There is a difference between legal capacity and not legal capacity. Your ASD would be seen as a mitigating factor in a court of law, but I doubt the court would gind that you did not have legal capacity.

For example, if you pushed someone into the road and they were hit by a car, you could argue in court your ASD was a mitigating factor that meant the courts should be lenient with you. This argument may or may not be successful. But I doubt that you would be found to have no legal capacity. It is a high bar to prove that. The man I cared for who was autistic would be found to have no legal capacity as he was operating practically at the level of a young toddler.

People without legal capacity bit who are a danger to others are sent to psychiatric hospital instead of prison. .So even then it is not a get out of any consequence card.

There is a VERY big difference between a toddler slapping you and a fully grown man.

And you know it.

If an adult (or child big/old enough to cause harm) purposely attacked me or my child then yes, I'd report them to the police. In that instance I wouldn't give a flying fuck about what disabilities they had, hidden or not, because mine and my child's bodily safety is more important to me.

'Talk to the carer' - are you joking? For what end? No thanks.

In the case of younger children in school, yes I do think that persistently and dangerously violent children need to be removed from the classroom. Disabled or not.

Years ago physical restraint was allowed. I remember one autistic teenager taken out by his parents in a wheelchair with restraints (he could walk). Now that is seen as abuse. So carers manage as best they can, and on minimum wage are keen to avoid being assaulted themselves.

Toddlers are small and in the vast majority of cases don't pose a serious threat to an adult woman. An older child, teen, or man with the mental age of a toddler IS a serious threat to an adult woman. The two are not remotely the same and should not be treated the same. A woman (and man) has a right to do whatever she needs to in order to stop the assault and get away.

Yes this. It’s not ok for children or anyone else really to be physically assaulted in school or elsewhere, regardless of SEN. But yes more tolerance in general needed outside of this.

If you have never cared for a ND person, then I don’t think you should respond to this rant.

Because you just have no idea of the daily world of people daily life across the huge universe of ND.

Furthermore - consider for one moment … everyone in your life is just one slip and fall away from an injury which could make them the ND person making noises, swearing, swinging arms on the checkout at ASDA while you support them while they try to do a daily task. Then you are the person having to calm the angry person who thinks your ND person needs a punch in the face so they “learn” how to behave.

Can you point me to this research? Because I am not aware of any that stands up to even the lowest level of scrutiny.
Note I am not arguing that ADHD or ASD are not real. But no differences in brain structure have been found.

Would you say that if a toddler hit you?

I would not accept being hit by a toddler either.

Of course. I merely mean seeing why it happened. Not that you look in any way different to others.

People are entitled to an opinion, especially if they are a potential customer in your ASDA scenario. And if my DH were to have a fall and get a brain injury where he started punching the public then I wouldn't be taking him grocery shopping!