Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

There is a child in my DS’ class, I know she has SEN but I’m not sure what she has been diagnosed with. Occasional she will start throwing things around the classroom, the teacher gently ushers the kids out in to a different room while they calm the other child down. They carry on doing their work in a different room. My understanding is this is a rare occurrence

Now, this isn’t ideal of course. However, my DS has literally never even mentioned it to me and when I calmly asked him about it he certainly didn’t seem too bothered by it. So in my opinion, that’s a reasonable adjustment. So I am obviously not adverse to making REASONABLE adjustments.
Allowing other kids in the class to by physically hurt by another kid is where I would draw the line though.

Fair enough. But they will also have developed strategies to help them cope and they will know the person's needs and what helps descalate them, a stranger likely won't know that. And of course oftentimes the victim may be ND or otherwise vulnerable themselves.

I would never teach any child of mine that you set yourself on fire to keep someone else warm. A ND person was never harmed by being told no or stop or a raised voice.

In a way, the situation your daughter has had in her class was similar to my experience that I wrote about earlier in which I was told l was condoning historic abuse. All anyone wanted was for every child, whether ND or not, to receive the education suitable for their needs in a safe environment.

I don’t really know why you keep asking this question? If you allow your child to be hurt daily and can stop them being exposed to that then obviously I think it’s neglect. You are responsible for your child’s safety. I think most people start by complaining to the school and insisting their child is kept safe. At some point if that doesn’t work you DO have to stop the situation from continuing yourself.

You can call me what you like, if you allow your child to go every day and let them get so upset and frustrated in a setting that doesn’t suit them so much so they hurt others you can be described as neglectful too, not only of your own child but the wellbeing of 29 other kids you are allowing your child to hurt.

I don’t think you were neglectful if you used the paths available to you and have achieved an outcome before you felt you had to remove your child. If school hadn’t found a solution (and that ISN’T always special school) then would you have continued sending your child in? And what if the unchecked behaviour escalated?

So what do you suggest I do? Take her out and do what? Nearest school is 20 miles away. When I suggested her moving her anxiety got so much worse, she loves school and her friends. What are the other parents to do? Everyone take their child out until this kid is the only kid left?

I thought the situation was resolved? Is the school not putting in 1:1 support for the child to protect the other students and then the child being transferred at Easter?

And then you get attendance letters from the LA because your child hasn't been in school, ending up in a fine? Excellent.

Personally I’d rather pay a fine than have my child hurt, but I doubt that’s how it would pan out.

Look, when you are sending your child into school and that child is being hurt and their confidence is being eroded day after day it’s really really hard to know what to do. My opinion is you try to fix things through school but if they can’t help you absolutely need to remove your child.

Yes it is but you described me as neglectful because I did not remove her. I was addressing that snd how you think I could have handled it.

Do you think the parents of a child who is hurting 29 other kids should remove their child?

I said a parent that continued to send their child into school if they were being repeatedly hurt should protect them and not protecting them was neglectful. Your child is being protected because the school has put in more support. If the child is still able to hurt your child then I would ask the school what they are going to do to protect her. If they don’t my child wouldn’t be attending.

I think the school should be providing adequate support.

I can see what you’re saying but it is not neglectful to make sure your child gets an education and the better cause of action is to insist the child who is harming others is removed.
If they are old enough it could be reported to the police
If not then social services and the school.

An adult or child being attacked is never acceptable

I agree. My dd is in reception, I’ve been teaching her that she should scream and hit back if anyone hits her. Luckily she hasn’t had to yet but if someone does hurt her I want her to be prepared to defend herself. If anyone thinks my tiny 4 year old should just stand there and take being hurt because the child attacking her has SEN then they are not a very nice person.

Most schools will give consequences for any hitting. Both sides. Children are taught to get an adult and not resort to violence themselves. If they didn’t there would be carnage.

This!

The lack of Sen resources and adequate educate/ support for all is not the fault of any child with SEN- or their parents.

Schools are doing an amazing job with very little and safeguarding is key. If it wasn’t Ofsted would be involved.

You can’t simply “insist” any child at your child’s school is removed. What you can do is raise your concerns about your own child’s safety. IF the school fail repeatedly to keep your child safe then you should remove them.

Neglect means failing to look after someone, and the school would also be failing in that regard should they do nothing. It sounds more likely that they HAVE been working hard to find a support worker and in this case have found a new school for the child. I don’t think anyone has suggested at any point that violence in any form is acceptable.

@Ma1lle If a child suffers an unfair consequence for defending themselves against physical violence, I suppose that will be early preparation for possible future experiences with the police. Especially if the child is female.

Better an unfair consequence than learning to sit back and take violence.

There are physical incidents with children hurting each other every day in schools for all sorts of reasons.It is the job of adults to sort out and parents encouraging their children to engage in violence aren’t doing them any favours.

@Ma1lle You really don't want victims to defend themselves, I understand.

I remember on TV years ago a school were the other parents did exactly that. Almost all the children in one particular primary class were kept home by their parents as the school had failed to keep them safe from one child. Child was even interviewed himself () walking to school and was saying that he was just an ordinary child who wanted to go to school and that he hadn't done anything wrong.

Don’t be ridiculous.

I wouldn’t expect an autistic child who is almost 100% more likely to be on the end of bullying in all sorts of forms to retaliate with like for like either. My dc have suffered hugely from such bullying- physical,verbal and online. I used the correct schools procedures and the children involved were excluded and in the case of one permanently. Far more effective and my child learnt that violence doesn’t stop violence and following correct protocols is far more beneficial.

Any incident for a child being hurt for whatever reason will be recorded and dealt with in the correct way. There are safe guarding systems in place to ensure all children are kept safe and not hurt so your witch hunt is more than a little misguided.