Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

What is this nonsense? What do YOU suggest the mother does in this situation?

But if the school are doing nothing (as you described in your scenario) of course the parents must protect their child.

Perhaps the difference is keyboard ranter or active parenting. There’s nothing nasty in giving your opinion to someone who asks what you would do in their situation.

I hope somebody else is teaching your children kindness if you can't see your comments are gross. Though I'm pretty sure you do and it's entirely intentional.

After posting here yesterday, I decided to call the school again this morning. Seems the child WILL be removed mid April as a specialist place has been found. Parents of said child have given permission for this information to be given now as so many people are concerned and have been repeatedly calling the school. Maybe that’s what they wanted all along, people to complain, who knows.
We have a few weeks to go yet but the end is in sight. Both the child in question and the 29 other children affected will be better off. I cannot begin to explain how relieved I am and if that makes me a bad person, so be it. I don’t care.

@Downtoearthandsinksthesun i think that sounds more positive but what are school doing to keep your child safe in the meantime?

This “if you want your child not to be hit, remove them from the school” is exactly why my boy will have my full backing and encouragement to hit back (hard and without guilt) any little arsehole who ever puts their hands on him once he starts school.

I want to make sure that if they him once, they’ll never do it again.

You might regret that @NC28 it’s going to open him up to so much that really isn’t good.

They said there will be a special teacher with him from Monday, so sorry can’t remember the name they told me. A couple of weeks ago this child got very upset and threw a chair at another child, got him in the back of the head so there was a hospital report, don’t know if that has anything to do with it.
I also don’t know how it will work but it’s a hell of a lit better than where we were.

It sounds so much better @Downtoearthandsinksthesun you must be so relieved.

I hear you, I know the negative potential outcomes for the future.

It’s when I read threads like this and hear about the prevalence of primary school violence that I just can’t bear to think of my son turning into an anxious, crying, fearful shadow of himself. 😫

Rock and a hard place.

At risk of being raked over the coals for offering an opinion. What I taught mine was to say getting louder with each sentence if it didn’t stop

STOP You are hurting me Anna

STOP ANNA you are hurting me

STOP ANNA YOU ARE HURTING ME

IMO if a teacher/adult hasn’t stepped in by then they can hit back and run away. If they saty the other child’s name it helps the person in charge see what’s happening more easily. That obviously doesn’t work if you have a violent child throwing things across a room but hitting him won’t either.

Parents/carers have an incredibly difficult job and have my sympathies and admiration, but it would be unreasonable to expect anyone to find assault acceptable.

Have you not heard of family carers?
The hundreds of thousands of them?
It’s not something they choose.

To be clear I don’t think anyone should be hit for any reason.

But I think you’re being very dismissive of family carers. That’s the point I’m making. You seem to have never given their reality a single thought. Most people caring for troubled children, especially those with hidden disabilities, are not trained professionals and they did not choose this.

If that boy can’t be reliably prevented from groping women in the street, he shouldn’t be allowed in the street, period.

It’s a sad situation, and I’d feel sorry for the boy, but that wouldn’t trump a woman’s right not to be molested in the street.

You are training your child to consider disabled children to be little arseholes and to thump them. 🤔

I’m doing nothing currently as he’s not old enough.

In the future, he’ll be told that he stands up for himself and if that involves hitting, then so be it.

The behaviour of some other kid isn’t my responsibility. That lies with their parents, the school and whatever other agencies may be involved.
My son will never be anyone’s punching bag for any reason - disability, behavioural issues or them just being a little bully. Doesn’t matter, they hit him, he’ll hit back.

Complain to the school repeatedly along with the other parents until they eventually bloody do something that’s what. Hopefully they will see sense and exclude the boy with immediate effect

Great news! Both for the child in question, your DD and the rest of the class. Have you told your DD?

So do you still think the mother is neglectful for not taking her child out of school??

I’m with you on this. My DS (7) has been told that you must always try and walk away from a fight where possible and never to start one. But if someone has a hold of you and won’t let go then you can use force to make them do so.

Parents/carers have an incredibly difficult job and have my sympathies and admiration, but it would be unreasonable to expect anyone to find assault acceptable.

No, you’re right, nobody finds assault acceptable. Nobody. It’s not okay.

And yet carers get assulted regularly and nobody seems to really care about that? It doesn’t come up much. In case people are unaware the majority of care in the UK is provided by family carers and not by professionals.

The public being assulted is the tip of the iceberg unfortunately.

Having sympathy and admiration is no help.

https://pure-oai.bham.ac.uk/ws/portalfiles/portal/256782607/10-1108jap-09-2024-0053.pdf

An excerpt:
There is currently no data available in the British Isles on the number of carers who are exposed to harm by the cared for person* However, in one recent survey of carers (n = 1102) in Ireland, over two-fifths (44%) reported that they “regularly experienced” either physical aggression or verbal/emotional abuse from their relative.

*says it all really

That’s where I’m at too. Of course it’s better to avoid a fight but sometimes (certainly going by the masses of threads on MN from parents with kids being hurt in primary school) it has to happen. I’d rather he was ready for that, and willing to do it.

I do appreciate that some kids have SEN. But putting that on to another child isn’t fair; they can’t be expected to rationalise that David can hit them and throw chairs but if they do it, there’ll be hell to pay.

It sends a poor message to any growing child that they should tolerate someone hurting them.

Another poster earlier said to remove the child who has been hurt from the class/school. Mad how it’s ok to suggest that, yet people are shouted down for saying the violent one should be thrown out.

Agree.
The one being hit/punched/assaulted isn't the one in the wrong.

It doesn't matter how many times you tell your DC to walk away the one doing the hitting/punching is free to follow and continue with their behaviour.

I did, I didn’t want to make it sound like he was being removed for being bad because it is important that she understands that he has a disability and it is not his fault and it is not her fault either that he was going because she was upset that it was. She told me he is not mean but he is very angry and that he scares her when he is like that because he is bigger than the other kids. I told her the school he is going to will have special teachers to help him when he gets angry. I hope I said the right thing. She said she was glad he was going but she was sad too but I could see her relax in the knowing she wouldn’t be hurt again. She is a kind little thing and has a good heart. She’s going to make him a card. I just feel jubilant not because we eventually got something done and the child has been removed but that this will positively impact the kids in the class and the child themselves.