Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

No, the one child being violent to the other 20+ children should be removed. Why would you remove everyone else?

Because as a parent your responsibility is to your child so you do what protects them. I honestly wonder if some of you live in the real world at all. Who would passively send their child back to be hit in school repeatedly? Or at a club? Or by a friend? Or in the local park….be sensible.

He has autism.
As well as the violence and sexual behaviour he also laughs and smiles in his own little world. He likes going to a certain restaurant (always eats the exact same thing). He like playing in the park and on swings, slides etc. I think his days at the park are possibly over though because if another child is on something he wants do go on he'll just drag them off it and then literally step and swing over them on the ground. He's a big strong mid teen now.

If I'm physically assaulted, I'll call the police. I'm not going to not call the police because 'well, they might have a disability' 🙄

I think it would depend on circumstance for me. I think I’m fairly laid back and lazy so if I wasn’t hurt and I didn’t think the person had intent I don’t think I’d call the police. I might complain to the carer or about the carer to their boss if I knew of them but that would be more as a safeguarding thing than a policing behaviour thing iykwim

I would definitely physically defend myself not sure whether I would call the police or not.

Funding for carers isn’t handed out willynilly. Reporting assaults to the police is likely to lead to reassessment of care provision and possibly increase funding. Or it maybe that yours is just one in a pattern of assaults with escalating violence that requires more drastic measures like secure psychiatric accommodation in order to stop them killing someone. It does no one no favours to ignore it.

Earlier in the thread a PP reported a young man karate-kicking their two year old. That could have killed that two year old. Yet there is so much minimisation of risk going on here….

@Whatthebarnacles I think it's reasonable enough to push the person off you or maybe try a gentle self defence move. As long as you're not going beyond reasonable forcce, that seems within the bounds of the law, and not unreasonable. I'm ND myself due to trauma so my fight reflex would probably kick in and I would push them off me and try to get away to where I felt safe. It's my job to prioritise my own safety and the job of the carers or the disabled person themselves to prioritise theirs. I think or have fair enough. Raising voice a bit and shouting NO, is not going to cause lasting harm to anyone.

What do you suggest we do with adults who have dementia or the mental age of a toddler due to brain damage or medical conditions then? Someone has to care for them.

Of course. They need to be cared for 25/7, not allowed out without a carer. In an ideal world . And if they assaulted me I would treat them the same as any other assailant . I would make sure to remove myself and ensure my safety. I would hope that their carer could descalate the situation and calm them. But that is their job. Mine is to get out the way and let carer do their job.

Would I report to the police? Not necessarily . But I would defend myself fully, using reasonable force.

If there is someone with the mental age of a toddler, an acquired brain injury, or any mental health condition who presents a serious risk to the public then they have to be confined to a secure mental hospital - there are currently over 7000 patients in secure facilities.

Some peeople don't have the option to just not send a child to school. Which should be a safe place and where they are legally supposed to be.

What @Octavia64 says 100%

I too have an obvious disability & I'm also ND.
Stems, noises etc...absolutely fine.

Hurts others. That's my limit, and I say this as the Mum of an Audhd teenager x

I’m not sure what sort of parenting you’re doing if you are letting your child be assaulted daily because of any “law” or inconvenience. It’s not that rare for parents to remove their children from harmful situations.

I’m not sure what sort of parenting someone is doing if they let their child be in a situation where they are either so distressed / dysregulated or so poorly behaved that they are being violent in a classroom daily.

Presumably finding the appropriate support or alternative setting. That happens IN school on the whole.

OP I feel your frustration but I think it is wrong for you to assume that people will not defend their children. That people will not defend children full stop. I think the argument is different when an adult faces a hidden disability, because actually if you know better then you should be more sympathetic.

However children, whether ND of NT deserve to have an adult advocate for them because children are defendless. I think it’s so sad that society have this ND v NT war. I say this as a parent that had to defend my child who was completely mute for the first few years of school - but is now NT. Although she’s NT she cannot defend herself. So I will step in, and I will fight for her - as you are fighting for your son.

Now - I also care for a partially sighted parent who hides it very well and is too proud to ask for help but appears like a demanding old woman when shopping to the point shop assistants roll their eyes and it gets annoying - but she gets a different reception when she used to walk around with a white stick. It’s visible. People rush to help her, people are patient and nicer. When her disability is hidden, nobody knows. They assume she is being a b*tch - but she can’t see and gets frustrated. So whose responsibility should her actions be? Me as her career? Or does she have a responsibility to show the world so that they have awareness. I don’t know? It’s our daily struggle. I guess this is why the baby on board badges exist.

I know it’s not the same as a learning disability.

Humans are not mind readers. The question is how can we communicate the needs of those that are vulnerable? How can we make it normal for those that are carers or that have the hidden disability to roam around confidently?

OP there is so much that we need to educate ourselves on collectively- sadly many of us won’t unless we are faced with it one day,

edited to fix a typo that wasn’t readable

So 29 other children should be removed until that happens?

The criteria for that is extremely high. Hitting out in a "slap" type motion occasionally is nowhere near the level to even consider that.
Even after a severe incident involving a weapon it will be reassessed over time rather than a permanent situation too. It's not at all easy to section someone.

Some people who have children in school are not parents though, are they? You do realise that not every child has a nuclear family, surely?

True re: sectioning and I know this from personal experience. In cases of a mere slap the victim has to remove themself from the situation, using force if necessary and get themselves to safety.

If someone hits a small child I don't care how disabled they are, I'm prioritising the child, who will come off worse if it's an adult hitting them anyway.

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/uk-scotland-62477095

But they will be guardians (grandparentś, aunts, uncles, foster parents etc) in loco parentis. So it's the same thing.

It's not the same at all. LAC for example will have to attend school regularly as there is a high level of scrutiny from external agencies. If they don't go to school, the carer suffers.

Again, if a child is violent in the classroom of a mainstream school to the point they are hurting other children, or the adults in the room, they should be removed immediately from mainstream school. It isn't the victims who need to be removed. They are where they should be, doing what they should be doing.