Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

YABU - This is a thread about a thread.

If someone grabbed my hair and yanked my head, I would not be going "Oh, it is fine, they are disabled". It will still hurt, and the pain and trauma will be the same.
I would accept it if I was working with people with LD, or in that sort of environment, because I would be trained to look for the signs and how to react. Being in a public place, you don't expect anyone to grab any part of you.

The thread you are referring to... it was the fault of the carers.

That's terrible, do you know who employs them, I'd report them if I were you.

OP said this is NOT about the hair-pulling thread.

That’s honestly a mental suggestion the poster made. Your child should suffer because of the actions of another. Sure thing.

Absolutely not. Not in any world is that ok. It’s terrible that it happened to you & your DD.

Someone (adult) touches my child (mine is 3 so I can acutely relate to how small yours would have been when this happened) and they’re fucking finished.

Stats show it’s those with hidden disabilities that are more likely to be bullied and hurt than NT.

So with that in mind I hope all these posts baying for blood have the same stance re bullying of the ND community.

With you all the way. The violent children are why I had to leave teaching when I injured my spine. If there were no violent children in the classroom, I would still be there, in my wheelchair. However, knowing how bad it is in schools now, and having been attacked and injured in the past at school, I can't risk it.

It's disgustingly unfair on the other children. I've seen what an impact it can have. I think the parents who continue to send their child to mainstream school, knowing they physically hurt other children (and adults) are appalling. I'd NEVER put another child in that situation if I had a ND child who attacked and hurt others. Tiny children should not have to hide at school because "Jayden" is throwing tables at them, or punching them in the face, for the tenth time that week. Just no.

Um there are no special school places.

I think parents who raise kids that bully and mock ND are appalling. Parents who are trying to get their kids educated with next to no Sen support not so much.

@CaptainRosy um, some of the people who want order and predictability actually are neurodiverse and that's what we need in order to cope...

Ah, so the woman that saved millions before having DC was a.. teacher.

So if there are no special school places, what you're saying is that the children being frightened, hurt, anxious and unable to learn have to suck it up? No, sorry, that's not how the world works.

If I want to go into a building that has steps, I can't go in. I can't do sports, run around, go to busy places, etc. Some things are not accessible to me as a disabled person, or would put me at risk, so I don't do them.

If a child is physically hurting other children who are simply at school, that school isn't accessible to them. What decent human would allow their child to hurt others? It's SO wrong.

Where did I say I saved millions? I don't think I did... I think that was something you made up. I said I was financially secure before having children, and planned for if my children were disabled.

Yes, I was a teacher before I injured my spine. And before that, I owned three companies. Problem?

The children “being frightened, hurt, anxious and unable to learn “ are normally the children with Sen or ND.

Every child deserves an education. If counties don’t provide enough special school places it’s not the fault of parents or children with Sen.

@Ma1lle There are plenty of examples of children of every type being frightened and hurt.

You implied it would be irresponsible to not save enough to support a severely disabled DC and stated expecting ANY respite is entitled. That suggests you would have saved up millions.

You were implying you saved up enough to not have to rely on the state if you had a disabled child (in the context of paid respite). The fact you didn’t save millions shows you have no idea what the cost of having a disabled child is.

No

Disabled young people and those with special educational needs and disabilities (SEND) are significantly more likely to experience bullying - including online bullying - than their peers. Children who have learning disabilities and autism are particularly at risk.

Some reports show it’s as high as 94%

It’s difficult as it’s not always as simple. I do see as your saying the sad wrong views of some on here.

But I say that as a mother of a daughter with autism, loud noises would make her day really out of sorts. When she was younger before we even had a diagnosis she really struggle with a disruptive child in her class - she has a very rough y3 at infant school due to a child who really needed the right support - she didn’t want to go to school we had to work hard to get her to cope and support her to keep attending.

Also as a mother of daughters I don’t want to teach them it’s ok to be hit at any age - their space needs to be respected without a doubt. I’m cautious with what we asking forgiveness for and understanding, I caveat it with it is still wrong and they shouldn’t accept it as normal.

@Ma1lle Just saying no doesn't change reality. No one is saying that children with disabilities are not bullied. (I was one, and suffered terrible bullying.) But there are also copious examples of every type of child suffering. It really unsettles and alarms me that you want to point score and somehow... pretend that's not the case? It's not a race to the bottom. If I, as an adult who once was a physically disabled and ND child being bullied, can acknowledge that every single variety of child is subject to harm and hurt, then why can't you?

It's not somehow magically fine for a child to be harmed at school just because that child is not disabled.

The fact is a ND child is more likely to be on the receiving end of violence and bullying nearly 100% so. When you consider they only form 10% those are horrific stats. So yeah let’s get them out. Any child who bullies another child, instant expulsion! Is that what you mean? Or is it just the fewer ND kids you want removed?

Children with SEN do not need to be bullying to frighten other children. Of course other children might well be frightened by shouting/lashing out/throwing furniture especially if they are victims of domestic abuse as an estimated one in five are, or have autism or learning disabilities themselves. You don’t need to pretend children with SEN, who struggle with insufficient support in mainstream, do not impact those around them in order to acknowledge that they are also victims.

@Ma1lle Again, I literally was a ND child. It doesn't seem like you are able to have a reasoned discussion about this.

It’s a moot point. All children are entitled to an education whether you like it or not. If councils aren’t providing enough Sen support or special school places it is not the fault of the Sen child.