Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

I am trying, honestly I am, I spoke to her at length about moving schools even though she should not have to do that just not to get hurt. That just makes her more anxious because all her little pals are here. It just makes me so angry. There is another little ND child in her class who stims loudly and all the kids understand and give him his space, that is not a problem but the other child though no fault of his own is prone to very violent outbursts when triggered by seemingly simple things (obviously not simple to him) and hits other kids and turns over tables. He is a big child too so he really does hurt them. I also feel very sorry for the teacher, she tries her best.

I apologise for that. I am just angry.

I agree the violence is the problem not if someone is disabled or not.

Of course you are, it’s your daughter. ☕️

Thank you, look I am sorry if I am ruffling feathers, it's just so hard. It's a horrible situation for everyone. Maybe I would feel different if it was my child doing the damage but I don't think I would but my anger could be blinding my understanding of the other parent's situation. It cannot be easy for them either. If I offended anyone I am sorry.

School could provide 1:1 until things become more settled. They could move seating in a more protective way and they could provide a space for the child to escape to. They need a good EdPsych assessment. There may be considerable back story you are unaware of. Children who behave like this can learn to do better and be successful.

You equate being physically attacked daily to being in a class with different races? We've entered a new realm of stupidity

So if your son if hit by another child, you will gaslight him to just put up with being hit? Is that what you are truly saying?

I’m so sorry you are worried about how your son will be treated OP. It must be very scary.

I do completely agree with you. On yesterday’s thread regarding the ND person hair pulling OPs teenager…I’ve had a similar experience and it really wasn’t that hard to deal with. I was the one being “attacked” and I just said, “Ouch buddy, that’s hurts!” Do you have someone with you today?” & by the time that interaction had happened his carer/relative started intervening. I don’t see why it’s hard to find an option somewhere between “do nothing” and “scream at them and call the police”.

I will say if you are “attacked” you can feel however you want about it. You don’t actually have a choice. So if you find it scary and upsetting then it’s scary and upsetting, regardless of the attackers disability.

I think with hidden disabilities people think more of people like my husband who has a stoma so uses a disabled toilet. He looks able bodied and no one would know he’s going in there to change his stoma. We still have a long way to go for people to understand ND and other disabilities that affect peoples behaviour.

Yes, high functioning used to be (and still is by many of us Aspies who point blank refuse to accept the Autism label) called Aspergers. It defines it far better and allows for those with low functioning to have the Autism label for themselves. Sticking everyone on the so-called 'spectrum' means that help and awareness is no longer specific to that group's needs.

I disagree tbh OP. To me it seems bloody obvious that everyone should be able to go about their daily life without being randomly assaulted and children's education shouldn't be disrupted by other students regardless of their issues.

Shouting ableism every time someone tries to talk about these very real issues is unhelpful and doesn't solve anything.

I am well aware it isn't the individual or the parents fault, but it's not about fault. Schools should have access to the right and enough support, there should be places in sen schools available, carers should be paying attention to the grown man who may grab a young woman's long blonde hair. Shutting every conversation down by saying it is ableism isn't going to achieve any of these desperately needed things is it .

Yes adults who assault people should be reported to the police. At the very least maybe the carers will pay better attention after a police interview

People with Asperger’s were described as high functioning but we also had High Functioning Autistism which allowed for the identification of a group of autistics who while having normal plus IQs had delayed communication.

Not true: https://www.theguardian.com/uk/2013/mar/06/man-jail-murder-woman-unborn-child

I don’t think it’s ableist to not want to be hurt in school. What’s ableist is to suggest that disabled children who hurt people are best taken away to “somewhere else” rather than supporting them to stay in their school, and not wanting non-disabled children to be removed in the same way.

It literally says the woman was murdered and the death (not murder) of an unborn child.

Murder causes the death of someone, does it not?

Murder is not the same as killing someone, no.

@WillIEverBeOk

The specific crime is Child Destruction, which is not the same as murder.

so its a lack of education-vital missed/step.
we(the people)are made aware of "invisible illnesses" NOT what to do in event of.
sort of like pointing at the bth ,saying you get in there to get clean-missing plug\taps\water\soap\towel.
its NOT common sense if you dont tell all info required
Thats why it lands on discussion boards.i dont think anyone means to cause upset personally

Sometimes it just isn't possible for a child who needs a high level of support to be in a mainstream school.

Well obviously

Re: ‘carers’ … yesterday I waited for DH in the car opposite a little cafe with some outside tables. One was occupied by two men, one who was stimming and grimacing, the other who was on his phone. I watched for about seven minutes, as people came and went from the cafe door ( their table was next to the entrance) , two girls came and sat at the table next to him and he turned to stare at them. In all this time the ‘carer’ never raised his eyes from his phone (he also had ear buds in but obviously I don’t know if they were functioning). He was apparently oblivious to everything around him.

And before anyone says ‘how do you know he was the carer and not some random table sharer? ‘ I know because I have seen the same bloke accompanying our potentially dangerous ( two carers) local on his daily walk up the Lane , and he is behaving in exactly the same way there.

I think anyone expecting him to intervene promptly would be disappointed. The system is not working at least in this instance. ( This chap, is more responsible than the other walker, though, who is usually about thirty foot behind them….also on phone).

Needing two carers doesn’t necessarily mean you are “potentially dangerous” it could mean you have life threatening seizures or are a flight risk or can’t always get home unaided. It’s also quite possible that the support worker is not needed for “company” but more for safety (eg someone who can’t ask for directions but get lost easily

There is no high functioning autism as to get a diagnosis you need to reach a threshold of significant impact on life.

Of course help and awareness is specific to need. I have 3 autistic children and they have had very different support specific to their individual need as support is only given according to need and not for an autism diagnosis.

My dd is 15 now. But when she was 2 I.took her swimming. A man aged around 40 with severe autism had been to a sensory class he became stressed and ran at me and my dd and physically hit her she was 2. Do you think this is OK as he has autism i couldn't do anything he was much bigger than me but I was so upset i cried with my dd whilst comforting her. But you think this is normal and should just be accepted?