Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

Hitting people isn't ok.

I have an obvious disability.

I don't have a problem with stims, or noises, or anything else.

Hurting other people is where my tolerance stops.

So shoot me.

Agree with this.
Being assaulted is where my tolerance ends.

I can't vote based on the title and voting criteria because invisible disabilities include more than exclusively neurodevelopmental conditions.

MN is typically pretty crap about disability in general though. I wouldn't assume that people would be any better with someone with Parkinsons.

Try to engage with the posters who do have some compassion and common sense and ignore the ones who are being hateful, if you can.

How very ageist and misogynistic

Oh the irony of this being the first comment.

I think many people are angry at the moment. They latch onto any perceived “advantage” for others over them and theirs (I don’t meant ND or learning difficulties are an advantage, more that where it isn’t visible, some people seem to perceive adjustments as offering an advantage.)

I agree we shouldn’t tolerate hurting people, whatever the reason. But I’d also expect a carer or parent to be on the alert for that if the child or person being cared for has form for grabbing at or hitting other people, in the same way that a parent would with a toddler when they’re at that stage.

Agree. I was with the op until her post agreeing with that ageist, misogynistic nonsense.

But the examples that you gave surely aren't from people with hidden disabilities?

If somebody hits me or my child I don't care why, it still hurts and I will react accordingly.

Hi OP, sorry you are feeling like this, hopefully IRL you get better reactions than on here. I think overall people are very stressed in life and are worried about their own families and their own chances in life. Big picture the world is a very stressful place with Trump, Russia, China etc and closer to home nearly everyone struggles financially, are worried about the state of education, healthcare and the future.
It is easy on line to think everyone is against you and often the most aggro shout the loudest. Overall i feel that there has been a huge shift in general understanding of hidden disabilities, but often under stress people revert to "what is most important to them right now".

i remember watching Barack Obama being interviewed after Trump was first elected and saying something of the lines of "we are moving in the right direction, but it is not a straight path and there will be bumps in the road but over time we are making progress" i know it feels like a pretty big fucking bump right now with Trump and probably with what you are feeling, but hopefully we are continuing in the right direction.

hope things turn more positive for you and your son.

Well assaulting or groping or threatening someone is not OK regardless. Anyone at the receiving end should be free to report as they see fit - it's not their job to assess any mitigating circumstances around the incident - that's a job for the authorrities (school/police/courts etc).

Yes a bit of tolerance goes a long way but there are limits to what an individual is expected to tolerate.

I assume you have a brain that allows you to transmit electrical signals left to right hemisphere predictably. Which in turn gives you a measure of control over your body, your feelings and thoughts. Lets break this down to something people can see.

Imagine if you weren’t given that when you were born.

And yet, here you are...

Slightly missing the point @Octavia64 but thanks for the contribution.
Nowhere does it say that hitting IS OK.

As a parent with a pubescent son who is uncommunicative, scared, frustrated, non understanding, yet walks like a standard human - hitting for him is a defence mechanism, it's also a stim. I have to be tolerant of that. And I have to calm him and assure him he'll be OK. Its not his fault. The fault would lie with me had he hit someone else. Because he needs constantly supervision. That doesn't mean he should be taking any blame or be ostracised or be kicked off on. It should be the carer / parent / guardian.

Yet there's so much vitriol on MN specifically aimed towards these people and NOT the carers. The sneering is gross.

Thanks again

Ableism is a huge, huge problem on Mumsnet.

Unfortunately disabled people are basically left to be the moderators - i report so many ableist posts and they get deleted but ableist threads are often left to stand in the name of "education". This isn't a new problem though.

I never gave it a second thought till me and my dc were diagnosed with adhd/asd. Because why would you? I never thought in a million years i would end up not only being disabled myself but also having disabled children. There's no grace on Mumsnet for people with disabilities of any age.

Disability could happen to any person at any time. Some of the more vicious ableist posters would do well to remember that.

I agree witth you OP, but the point is, they are hidden disabilities, so many will not understand, particularly if they have no experience of such behaviours.
What do you suggest? That everyone is treated as if they were ND just in case? But then what do you do/how do you deal with those kids who are merely naughty/feral, and adults who are just shit in their behaviour and talk?
We have so many lanyards/badges represnting varying illnesses, MH issues, and other 'differences', that it's a 10 minute job to decipher which is which, and if you don't know what a particular one represents, what do you do? Ask them? Assume?
I know this doesn't help, but it may explain why those you are angry with, behave in the way they do. Of course, the world is also full of idiots who take pleasure and pride in being antagonistic.

And your point is - what exactly? Individuals who cannot help but lash out should be left to get on with it? Paranoid schizophrenics with tendancies to violence should be left unmedicated if that's their choice because it's not their fault they have the condition?

Let’s punch down on menopausal women then eh? What a vile post.

With you.

I have an autistic son. Who also has a visible physical disability.

It's not ok for him to assault someone in the street - especially a stranger. It's our job as parents and carers not to put those with disabilities in a position where they cannot regulate their emotions and lash out. Or to step in if it happens unexpectedly.

Assume you're referencing the thread where the young girls hair was twisted and pulled twice.

YABU frankly, if someone has a disability where they physically assault people then their carers need to manage social situations and contact to ensure it doesn't happen. They are a danger to other people and themselves.

Presumably if some one had grabbed the young man and pulled him off you would have been outraged? You are in the wrong.

It's disgraceful that there are now so many threads where young children are violent in school and they are the ones protected.

I also agree with this though.

If my child was prone to grabbing and hurting people, i would try and mitigate that as much as possible.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

This post complete with eye roll and the one about having a cup thrown over you do suggest that you are annoyed that people dare to complain about being assaulted.

I have physical and invisible disabilities including autism and I don’t find it acceptable to be assaulted or scalded.

I have been a carer both personally and professionally and I do know that sometimes the carer can do their best and do everything right and that things can still happen but I don’t think we can expect the person who has been hit to be happy about it.

Also sometimes calling the police is helpful, not to have the disabled person arrested but to get SS moving and to try to get them the staff ratio and any other means needed to help keep everyone safe.