Wtf is wrong with people when it comes to hidden disabilities?

[Whatthebarnacles]

Full on rant incoming! Ready to be flamed in the depths on MN hell for this but it really is a hill I'm happy to die on so whatever will be, will be!

I'm absolutely sick to the back teeth of certain people on here who eye roll and sneer that those with hidden disabilities should be treated the same as neuro typical people.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

Can't sit still / constantly stims? Expel them from school - why should my "normal child" be affected?🙄

Stares and makes noises? Tell them you're uncomfortable and to stop immediately, we have the right not to be ogled.🙄

Can we please just stop it?! It's like the world's gone mad! All the years of effort to try and make people aware of hidden disabilities just seems to have crumbled an i've seen it happenn in here over the last 6 months or so more than ever. There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS" just smash through the work that had been done and its depressing as shit.

Would you call the police or kick off on someone who spilled a cuppa over you then laughed? Or caught your face , if...

1. They were 4 years old? Nope, so why would you for someone with intellectual disabilities? You would talk to the carer. Rightly so.

1. If they had Parkinsons? Would you bollocks. Because you can SEE that disability and because its a physical one, then it can't be helped, right?

1. They were clearly ND?

There are countless people in here who would because, according to them, they do not have the right / there needs to be consequences / they're an adult regardless / i am woman hear me roar etc.

I cant get my head around the lack of understanding

And don't get me started on those who turn these things into "us women" need to defend ourselves. And faux outrage "would they have done it to a man? I don't think so!" Urgh. Yes... they would. A disability is a disability, a stim is a stim, a jolt is a jolt. Hair is dangly, splashing someone or spilling something is funny, stimming is calming on the inside whilst frantic in the outside.

Frankly, it turns my stomach. Why is the world so angry at people who are different at the moment?!

I can only presume that the number of people now having been diagnosed is pissing these people off. I've honestly never ever heard so much "just because they're xyz doesn't mean that..." in my life. See also "they need to learn" or "they should know"...

I fret for my son growing up in this. He doesn't stand a cat in hells chance.

YABU - Of course ND people, should be treated the same as NT people when it comes to differing behaviour, regardless of mental age or physical disabilities associated with their condition.

YANBU - MN is rife with it at the moment, I've noticed that too.

Annnnnd..... crucify me. GO!!

Agree. You think the world revolves around your situation? If you are impacting my or my dc life then it is a problem with me and you are not my priority.

I find physical assault of any kind, from anyone, unacceptable. Assaulting folks has consequences for the assaulted, so it should for the person assaulting.

That doesn't mean he should be taking any blame or be ostracised or be kicked off on. It should be the carer / parent / guardian.

So tell me op, if he hit my child what do you think my child should do. Just shrug his shoulders and say oh well it's ok, I accept I have to be hit. Do you think a child is going to understand that a parent or carer did not supervise? No. All he's going to be is upset and scared himself, yet we all need to worry about your scared child? No sorry that won't work for me.

Yeah.... very odd title for this post.

I read that thread and agree with you OP. Funnily enough you can’t discipline the disability out of people.
I just avoid those type of threads now because the vast majority of people will have no or very little experience of the issues involved but will think their ridiculous and uninformed opinion is wholly right, and when you try to tell them the reality of life with a child like that they won’t ever get it. It’s ignorance.

Many MN posters only believe in disability for children, and then mostly only their own.
I am a retired nurse for people with learning disabilities. There was actually more kindness and acceptance of my client group 20/30 years ago than there is today.
The world is going backwards.
I hate the I’m alright jack attitude. Trump has capitalised on this selfish underbelly of society and look where that has taken us, the most serious threat to world peace since WW2.
I think part of this is, as a pp has said, a reaction to hard times when some people always look for simple answers to complex problems ie blame disabled scroungers and immigrants for everything.
Also the way some people now self diagnose invisible disabilities after seeing an “influencer” or “celebrity” who says they have adhd, autism, anxiety or whatever. This enough annoys everyone (me too) and then genuine disabled people get lumped in with the attention seekers.

I have a hidden disability and completely disagree that everybody needs to put up with violence or antisocial behaviour. Harmless stimming - yes, reasonable. Making lots of noise - reasonable in a park, not reasonable to go to the cinema because that's antisocial.

Disability means you don't get to do everything you want to do. That's not our fault but it's also not the fault of able bodied people and they shouldn't suffer for it.

There seems to be an almighty wave of this incredibly farcical "BUT ME AND MINE" or "MY RIGHTS"

That’s exactly what you’re doing. You think people should suck up being assaulted because the assailant might have a hidden disability. You’re wrong.

You are missing the point. I read that thread too. I wasn’t saying that people with MH or learning disabilities weren’t ever a risk to others. I explained that they ARE an incredibly vulnerable group and the stereotypes surrounding their experience of the world are pervasive and hostile.

Being assaulted is not ok, or to be tolerated if they have a disability.

I was once slapped in the face (apparently playfully) and had my hair pulled by a lady with Down Syndrome in a shop. Everyone stood by and let it happen. The 'carer' laughed and said "Oh Carol (named obvs changed), don't do that!" but made NO ATTEMPT to intervene.

Should I have tolerated this due to her disability, hidden or otherwise? NO WAY

I think posters implying that people should ignore assault/hair pulling when it’s obvious the person is ND, are doing nothing to help these stereotypes, tbh.

I’m not sure the parents of that little boy who was thrown off the Tate Modern would agree with you.
Jonty Bavery’s violent behaviour was left unchecked he was allowed out unsupervised and nearly killed a 6 year old.
He has rightly been incarcerated regardless of his ND.

I have a hidden disability.

I've been treated like a liability, a weirdo, a lazy defiant villain who gets the blame for everything ever since I can remember.

But it's cool, because no matter what, I won't ever treat people the way they treat me. I take comfort from knowing that I would never make somebody else feel small for things they can't control

I’m not sure there were huge numbers of people saying anything like that? I read people trying to clumsily explain capacity, and lots of dramatic “I would thump anyone who threatened my kid” keyboard warriors but not anyone offering up their daughters plaits for a tweak.

So you never harm people? Good then what is the problem? Do you hit someone then use your disability as an excuse? No? Then I presume this is not meant about you

@BlondiePortz no but I've been accused of hurting people when I did nothing of the sort

What are you saying OP? If someone runs up and punches my child, I should what? Accept it in case they have a disability? What if they sexually assault them? Do I wait to see if they have a disability before I intervene?

I am pretty tolerant and as much as something can be annoying I can let it go, but if someone attacks me or my child, what should I do? Stand by and let it happen? Intervene only if I don’t think they have a disability?

Genuinely asking what you would like me to do in a situation where someone attacks my child?

The reality is if a disabled person injures another (and it's not a typical accident, for example tripping and bumping into someone) then they're not being appropriately cared for. I get what you're trying to say in that they're not really responsible for their actions depending on the degree of disability, but it's up to the carer, whether professional or parent, to ensure the safety of others and if they can't do so then they need more help or to limit the chances of it happening by choosing a more appropriate outing or activity.

If your child hurt my child I'd be holding you accountable.

Fear

Fear of the unknown in other people's behaviour

Fear of looking an idiot if someone with a hidden disability starts to shout/get aggressive and not knowing what to do

Fear of something that is different to your "norm" and you having to come out of your safe space and deal with it and your own feelings

Fear of not being able to help - feeling helpless and panicked. Which results in anger often. Why do we get angry when our child goes missing for 2 mins - because of fear of the unknown and being out of control of the situations. Same applies here.

Until schools have more teaching on how to deal with hidden disabilities then this feel will automatically evolve into anger about others getting a seeming advantage, because NT people are expected to change their behaviours for ND people and not the other way around. Because they can. But actually don't know HOW to.

Inclusivity in schools is improving - but pointless without infrastructure of what this actually means for everyone.

The OP didn’t suggest any such thing.

This post seems to assume that you either have a hidden disability or are 100% ok or 'normal'. That either any behaviour should be understood and accepted (as you have a hidden disability) or you should accept being a physical or emotional punch bag because you are ok and therefor should be able to make allowances for others. But the reality is that everyone lies somewhere on a curve, and assuming that because someone doesn't have a hidden disability label means they are able to cope with anything chucked their way is unreasonable. What we need is better understanding, acceptance and tolerance on both sides. If we want to live together in a society, there has to be a level of acceptable behaviour that means people feel safe, and that's set out in law- assault is not ok etc. Alongside that we need to be understanding and supportive for those who face greater challenges, whilst not getting into the game of 'I have it worse off so therefore it's ok for me to do x, but it wouldn't be ok for you to do the same.'

I agree with 95% of what you said except when you mention trump - totally irrelevant to the thread.

I’m not a supporter, fan or excuser of him but this need to drag his name into every little thing that is wrong with the world gives people who do support or excuse him to roll their eyes and say they’ll drag trump into anything won’t they. Then they’ll stop listening/engaging which is dangerous.

If people on mumsnet hate trump as much as they claim they should stop talking about him publically. Publicity and notoriety are precisely what he wants.

Non verbal, lashing out? Report to police for assault - how dare they lay a hand on someone else 🙄

The eye roll emoji is wild.

It must be incredibly difficult for parents who’s children have complex needs that cause them to lash out but no one needs to tolerate being assaulted.

I wonder if when violence is part of a child’s disability, and therefore becomes part of every day family life, that the parents think ‘this is how it is and if I have to put up with it why can’t everyone else?’. No one is going to have the same tolerance you have for your own child.

I do think the police should be called when someone with an invisible disability attacks/offends a NT who has choosen to ignore what they're being told about the disability. And then watch the police accuse the NT person of wasting police time.

Some disabilities can't be controlled. Stims, tourettes, ADHD, autism. You can b*tch and complain all you like. It is impossible to control the symptoms.

Perhaps those that feel that way think these individuals should be incarcerated in mental asylums the way they were 200 years ago?

I've actively sought out ND friends for my son. Tolerance is SO important. As is evidenced by some of the ignorance on this thread. There are loads of ways to be human. Not just your way.