Had an argument with my boyfriend this morning

[pinkgin1994]

Am I being a complete bitch here? It is my time
of the month so it may be me…

Our alarm went off and we were cuddling/snoozing as normal. At one point I told him to look at me because something funny had happened with my
hair.

About 10 minutes later he seemed annoyed, I asked him what was wrong and he said “I didn’t want to open my eyes” he said he wants to wake up on his terms and that he wanted an extra 10 minutes.

We always cuddle/snooze and his comment about waking up on his own terms just made me feel
annoying and like I can’t do anything right. I now feel like I can’t do anything in case it wakes him up. He said that everything else is fine.
He explained it but wasn’t exactly loving when I seemed upset. So I was still upset.

I told him this and he flipped. He said he already explained, and I’m dragging it around in circles.
I said I just needed reassurance and a hug and a bit of love, but he said he’d already reassured me and said he loved me.

he then got annoyed and said I “do this every time” and that he would be “wasting his time” because reassuring me never helps, and that he’s just repeating himself. He kept emphasising the fact that it’s a waste of time.
I asked if he thinks it’s a waste of time reassuring and cheering up his own girlfriend, and he said “well it never does that anyway”.

He then was a bit late for work and said I make him late a lot.

Im in tears now and I don’t really know why

Are you very young, OP? This all sounds very immature. Perhaps the sadness you feel is because you are needy but at the same time you know you are driving a wedge between you and him by being over intense/demanding, or something? Maybe cultivating a more outward-looking approach to life would help you be less focused on negativity.

Even if you were asleep and were deliberately woken so you could see his ‘funny’ hair, regardless of the time? You’ve more patience than me.

The whole point of the OP is your second paragraph.

I wouldn’t tolerate a man that sulked because he “didn’t want to open his eyes.” That is completely batshit and something an irrational three year-old would say.

Yes, I agree with this. I couldn’t stand being with a bloke who wants reassurance and I have every sympathy with a bloke who’s in a relationship with a woman who demands it. We’re adults - we shouldn’t be demanding attention and then asking for reassurance with a partner who’s annoyed at the attention-seeking behaviour.

Are you the same poster who needs hugs and cuddles and lots of reassurance as I recall a thread about someone needing these things, and having their hair touched (all while in a shopping centre I think). I don’t know, it just seems a similar level of emotion and neediness.

😂

Do you think we are all completely stupid?

How old are you?

I believe it is lol.
I dont think op will be back anytime soon she may be of somewhere looking for attention for her neediness.

For the sounds of her id say 16 and got her first boyfriend.

I'm sorry for this; on the Needy/High Maintenance Scale, you're an 11. I'd tell you to do one.

Yep

You're both hard work. Him for being a baby about opening his eyes, and you for needing so much reassurance after he'd told you everything was fine!

Why do you feel like 'you can't do anything right' after he says everything was fine? Sounds like something you need to sort out. Do you feel like this in other areas of your life, or just with your bf?

Oh ffs please stop with the hormones!! It's tedious! And is seriously setting back feminism to prehistoric times! Never in all my life have I 'blamed hormones' for any of my actions! 🤦‍♀️😱

There's a lot to unpack there.

Firstly I feel for the @pinkgin1994 because it has turned into a pile on (unsurprisingly). People don't need to be so mean and I do feel OP deserves a little kindness. I suspect she has some insecurities and any minor indication that he is annoyed with her feels like he is going to reject her. I may be totally wrong. Many people can't tolerate the idea that they have annoyed someone else and their shame takes over.

That said, there are a few points I want to raise:

"I can't ever do anything right" - quit that. It is self-pitying and allows you to avoid taking ownership of your behaviour. We all irk people sometimes, don't get into this habit of moving to a martyr. I say this because it will really irritate him and others around you. Nobody wants to be around someone who acts like a martyr.

The need for attention and love is natural - anyone who says it isn't needs help. However, I wonder whether your validity is predicated on being cared for, loved and attended to by others? Why do you rely on your partner for validation and containment? Not a knock on you @pinkgin1994, just a question.

Here's my suspicion (and I don't know you @pinkgin1994, so I may be WAY off so do correct me! You can message me directly if I get it right though!)

You grew up being told you over-reacted, that you were attention seeking, that you shouldn't feel the way you do. "Why are you reacting like that?" or "don't think that way" were likely the type of comments you heard alot.

You become emotional quickly and people wonder why you are being unreasonable. You get angry at that and feel misunderstood and it makes you sad. You often worry partners will leave you and they probably have, then you feel worthless and shame. Your sense of self is wrapped up in being validated by loved ones, especially partners, and when you feel criticised you move to cycling between self-criticism and blaming others.

You have all or nothing thinking and this is exhausting for you and confusing for others. The idea that your partner can be annoyed at you AND love you is hard to grasp when you are stressed. If you have annoyed him, he must dislike you - is your internal narrative.

Those are just a few points I picked up reading your OP.

In short, I hope you feel better and learn new ways of managing these issues as it'll be a long hard road otherwise.

Nothing babyish about being irate at being woken up for some nonsense reason. I’m pretty laid back but can certainly ‘growl’ if thoughtlessly woken up. If this is the poster I think it is , she has a history of extreme neediness and emotional immaturity and is older than you’d think (maybe 30s?).

Don't worry about it, drop it and think no more about it, don't let it carry on tonight.
It's normal in a relationship to have minor squabbles first thing in the morning😁

Congratulations for never blaming your hormones for anything, but it is a real thing. Hormones are responsible mood regulation and mental health. It is not setting back feminism to prehistoric times ffs get a grip and do some research instead of putting blame onto people because you act so perfect all the time apparently 😂

@LostMyLanyard do some actual research into hormones and how they impact a woman's body throughout the menstrual cycle... it's quite literally science.

My alarm goes off before I need to get up because it takes me a while to come around. Some people need a bit more time than others and that’s ok. I wouldn’t be particularly happy if someone was badgering me for attention whilst still half asleep either tbh and I wouldn’t be Impressed with their behaviour afterwards if what you’re saying is true.

Jeez I’m exhausted just reading this.
Yabu.

Fucking hell you sound like hard work - sorry op I would be so irritated with you. Even after he explained you carried on?!

There’s a thread on here from a mum whose baby is terminal in the PICU. If this is the
biggest concern you have OP then thank your lucky stars and grow the fuck up.

@bluegreen89 @Belle798

Comprehension is an ever problematic area on here 🤦‍♀️ Of course I 'understand the science' of hormones...but BLAMING hormones for how we act 'as women' absolutely sets us back. We know that they affect us, and sadly some more than others, but starting a thread saying 'it's my time of month' so 'maybe I'm being over sensitive' is a cop out for taking responsibility. Being a needy person isn't hormonal...that's a personality trait. This poster has history of posting on here about her excessive neediness. It's not her bloody hormones!

And no, I've never blamed my hormones for my behaviour. When I've messed up (for whatever reason!) I've accepted that I've messed up...not my hormones...me!

It's playing RIGHT into the 'bloody hysterical women' trope if we blame menstruation hormonal fluctuations for our behaviour!

He sounds a though he's not a morning person. His alarm had gone and he should have been up, that's fair enough.
But you're sounding really needy. Your hair looked funny and he didn't look, but you've made it into some big thing.

As you say, it's that time of the month - you're being oversensitive and you can blame it on hormones. If you're like this all the time though then you may need to look at working on being a little more resilient.

Well yes i would wake up regardless of the time but in the example their alarm has already gone off.

However if he woke me in the middle of the night because his hair was sticking up vertically. I would wake up look at it then smother him with a pillow.

But equally he would only wake me if necessary.