Had an argument with my boyfriend this morning

[pinkgin1994]

Am I being a complete bitch here? It is my time
of the month so it may be me…

Our alarm went off and we were cuddling/snoozing as normal. At one point I told him to look at me because something funny had happened with my
hair.

About 10 minutes later he seemed annoyed, I asked him what was wrong and he said “I didn’t want to open my eyes” he said he wants to wake up on his terms and that he wanted an extra 10 minutes.

We always cuddle/snooze and his comment about waking up on his own terms just made me feel
annoying and like I can’t do anything right. I now feel like I can’t do anything in case it wakes him up. He said that everything else is fine.
He explained it but wasn’t exactly loving when I seemed upset. So I was still upset.

I told him this and he flipped. He said he already explained, and I’m dragging it around in circles.
I said I just needed reassurance and a hug and a bit of love, but he said he’d already reassured me and said he loved me.

he then got annoyed and said I “do this every time” and that he would be “wasting his time” because reassuring me never helps, and that he’s just repeating himself. He kept emphasising the fact that it’s a waste of time.
I asked if he thinks it’s a waste of time reassuring and cheering up his own girlfriend, and he said “well it never does that anyway”.

He then was a bit late for work and said I make him late a lot.

Im in tears now and I don’t really know why

I am not a morning person so to be honest if you were demanding things of me while I was waking up you would have got a right mouthful

Sorry to derail @Hwi, but please could you point me in the direction of said German poetry?

As you all were!

I voted YABU, btw, not so much because of the hair thing but because of the relentless neediness that followed. From what your boyfriend says there's been too much of that to suit him already. I just don't think you're fundamentally suited - you probably realise that at some level, hence the constant need for reassurance, but there's nothing he can say that will reassure you because you're ultimately not each other's person and you know it.

Edited to add tag

Non event turned into a drama. High maintenance nightmare.

good grief ! grow up

cuddling/snoozing for at least 10 mins after the alarm went off ?

surely you set the alarm for the time you want/need to get up ?!!!

or is ' snuggling ' just another word for morning sex before you both get up, and he wasn't up for it this morning.

I am assuming you are very young? Your partner told you everything else was fine but you were still causing a drama needing hugs and reassurance. Your neediness has now started his day off on a bad foot first by whinging to be looked at when he was clearly tired then refusing to let it go and persisting with a row that's made him late for work. Work on being more independent and a lot less immature

You sound incredibly needy.

You sound unbelievably needy and whiny.

I don't really want to add to the pile on......

But you sound like the problem here.

Why?

And no, he probably set it slightly earlier than he needed to get up so he could snooze!

How old are you?

Seriously, you sound like you're about sixteen!

@pinkgin1994 Did you post recently about a shopping trip when he was feeling ill?

No this wasn’t me

I agree with this im the same id fly off the handle being woken up by a grown women to look at her hair because it looked funny what are you op 5.
Op you sound over the top and far to needy grow up and let people sleep.

Bet it was.

I think, having read your post, that you need to address your excessive need for attention. It's not normal to insist on attention the second your partner opens his eyes, and it seems to me from your partner's responses to you that this morning's incident is representative of many such instances of you needing too much attention.

Op, you sound like me.
I often end up in arguments like this with my husband. It's insecuritiy and we need to stop asking for more reassurance. It's hard. I understand x

My word you sound awful, poor guy.

I've had to learn to let my DH have at least one hour to properly wake up before I engage with him... the minute I open my eyes I'm wide awake and raring to go but this isn't the case for my DH. My DM laughs about this too as she also needs time to wake up and at points in my 20s when I moved back home, she used to get annoyed with me (in a light hearted way). I think there are two issues here.... you need to learn to give people the space they need but your DP also sounds like he was hurtful and a bit OTT (sounds like there are underlying issues tbh). My DH has just said to me 'it takes me a long time to properly wake up, so if I am not as responsive as usual in the morning then that's why'. I'm the same at night as he is in the morning.

Oh man, I used to be this person in relationships. It's EXHAUSTING. Constantly picking holes because you're anxious and desperate for reassurance, but when that reassurance comes it's never enough, because the idea of being alone is so utterly terrifying that you can't live without a 100% guarantee that your partner is going to be with you and love you forever, and nobody can make that promise. Hard dating that person, even harder being that person.

Get some therapy, OP. Work on your self-esteem and your security of attachment. Or do what I did, find the right anti-anxiety medication and then be forced to be single for two years leading you to realise that actually, you can function alone and a relationship is a blessing, not a necessity, meaning you're no longer so desperate to be loved that you constantly seek reassurance from your partner. Either way!

Look at you because something funny had happened with your hair

You were in bed cuddling, and you came out with this? What was the urgency with your hair right then?

Come on. I'd have been annoyed, too. And then you went on about it. This one is on you.

As someone who is highly emotional but also values sleep I can see both sides! I think if you take a step back and put hormones aside, you are being worked up because of it being that time of the month and maybe a bit needy but that's totally normal with hormones and emotions! On the other hand it maybe is an over reaction because your boyfriend just wanted his rest, especially if he is going to work. I hate waking up on someone elses terms and can get really cranky which is probably why he snapped back at you. Best thing to do is stop bringing up the argument, have a cuppa and calm down. When he gets home you should apologise and explain that you are just hormonal and go in for some extra cuddles to make up for this morning :)

Are you just always this demanding, then? YABU for this comment as well.

And stop blaming hormones. It's so tedious.

Agree with this.
Some women have to find something to blame but never look at them selfs.
Read it a lot on here.

If you're in the sort of relationship where you're actually sharing a life, a bed and a first thing in the morning on a regular basis, and you want it to last, you are going to have to learn the difference between something that warrants a row, tears and cuddles, and something that needs shrugging off. Your BF telling you not to get him to open his eyes to look at your funny hair, in the grand scheme of things, is absolutely in the second category. How will you cope with illness, job stress, bereavement, big differences of opinion about important stuff if you find something so trivial such a big deal? How many hours of both your lives do you want to spoil by making a big deal out of nothing?