Had an argument with my boyfriend this morning

[pinkgin1994]

Am I being a complete bitch here? It is my time
of the month so it may be me…

Our alarm went off and we were cuddling/snoozing as normal. At one point I told him to look at me because something funny had happened with my
hair.

About 10 minutes later he seemed annoyed, I asked him what was wrong and he said “I didn’t want to open my eyes” he said he wants to wake up on his terms and that he wanted an extra 10 minutes.

We always cuddle/snooze and his comment about waking up on his own terms just made me feel
annoying and like I can’t do anything right. I now feel like I can’t do anything in case it wakes him up. He said that everything else is fine.
He explained it but wasn’t exactly loving when I seemed upset. So I was still upset.

I told him this and he flipped. He said he already explained, and I’m dragging it around in circles.
I said I just needed reassurance and a hug and a bit of love, but he said he’d already reassured me and said he loved me.

he then got annoyed and said I “do this every time” and that he would be “wasting his time” because reassuring me never helps, and that he’s just repeating himself. He kept emphasising the fact that it’s a waste of time.
I asked if he thinks it’s a waste of time reassuring and cheering up his own girlfriend, and he said “well it never does that anyway”.

He then was a bit late for work and said I make him late a lot.

Im in tears now and I don’t really know why

You sound a bit needy but I would have asked him to look at something funny too. The fact he didn't because he wasn't ready to open his eyes... is he always such a fucking sap? What's he going to do when a baby gets him up? Sack him off. He sounds pathetic. Or like a baby himself.

you sound like your playing a testing game where your partner reassures you and that’s not enough for you. I can hear him saying he is getting tired of it and becoming angry that he is unheard by you .Think how it must feel if someone asks you to reassure them, you do, and then that’s not enough. Would you feel defeated? I would.

if it were me I would have waited till he was up and running then ask at an appropriate time what he thought of my hair. Appropriate times would be when he’s not asleep, waking up, eating his breakfast, showering himself. If you need to interrupt one of those things then say “sorry I can see your blah blah blah but. Can I ask you this..” if they say no, accept it

if there is a pattern of making him late your defo playing games here.

Apologise, see how you feel when your hormones aren't running wild and if you've got a different perspective on what happened. When I'm with someone I want to kill them once a month no matter how wonderful they are for the other 27 days, so if you're anything like me, it will be that 😂

Agreed, it also immediately makes them the victim. He was upset and annoyed, OP then got upset at his upset and needed comforting.

It doesn’t work like this. You can’t just be upset and needy to have him instantly stop being annoyed. He’s allowed to be annoyed with you sometimes. OP, what you did (if you realise it or not) is quite manipulative. Let him be annoyed, let it be about him for a minute.

You both sound really babyish. Asking him to look at something funny with your hair?? And then getting moody and needy. His response was also pathetic - ‘I didn’t want to open my eyes yet’ 😂 to be fair to you if my husband had asked me I’d have given him a quick glance before snoozing again and wouldn’t have made a big baby fuss about opening my eyes (but I’d also be thinking it was a weird thing to do to be asked to look).
So basically you both need to grow up.

Sorry but I could not be arsed with a male version of you. Neediness is such a turn off and I too would be irritated at being woken up and told to look at your hair. I don’t like being ‘told’ what to do at the best of times.

Are you usually a little irrational around your time of the month? Perhaps try to monitor incidents like this and how they tally with your cycle.

You were wrong this morning, and he was within his rights to be irritated with you.
It will help him if you can establish if this is tied to your periods and let him know what to expect! If there’s no correlation, you need to work on your self esteem and neediness.
Either way, apologise and make things right.

Good luck. Hope your mood picks up soon x

You should have just apologised, this was minor. You did something that irritated someone else, they let you know. However, you have now escalated this in your mind to frame it so that you’re in the right and deserve an apology and comforting. Blowing it out of all proportion and setting everyone up for a poor start to the day.

I agree with pps, this is manipulative.

It's hardly comparable. Waking up for a baby and waking up to look at someone's hair is no comparison at all. And from what I gather, he did look at her hair because the whole 10 minutes passed before OP realised he was annoyed (presumably, having done just that and trying to catch more snooze time). Hair situation can wait until they are both up. A crying baby cannot. If my partner asked me early in the morning to look at his hair because something funny happened to it, I'd say "I'll take a look when we get up" and that would be all the drama there needs to be.

OMG you sound exhausting first thing.

Way too full on before even waking up.

I would find you so off putting-needy, demanding and drama before first cup of coffee is just way too much!!!!

I'd be annoyed too and then you just kept going.

If DH asked me to look at something, regardless of the time I would. Well actually i’d ask him to find my glasses first.

if it was a non event that i didn’t need to wake up for then I might get snarky but not before. Surely if your partner asks you to look at something you do?

Sorry I thought he was the one saying he can’t do anything right! I completely agree with you - she is being ridiculous

What an argument about a non event! Honestly. You both sound hard work.

Just move on from it. If you’re needing constant reassurance every time there’s an argument over nothing, then I would say you’ve got some self work to do

If this has caused an argument, how are you going to navigate the "big issues" in life when they come up, because neither of you are behaving well here-you over reacted, over dramatised and prolonged; your boyfriend shut down listening to your point of view and over reacted.

If this is your fight style as a couple, nothing will ever be resolved.

No, you are not a complete bitch OP but...why on earth did you start with this stupid stuff this morning OP? I'd be pissed off wanting to open my sleepy eyes to look at bed hair too
I agree with others that you sound rather needy and tbh I'm thinking you should calm down with that. If my dh started asking for reassurance first thing in the morning he would get a short shrift and get a grip.
Heck, what a way to start the day, having topsycho analyze your relationship as soon as your eyes are open.

He was enjoying his last ten minutes of a snooze before a day at work, but you even wanted his attention then. Read the room. I never wake DH up just to look at something cute funny. He's not going to find it cute or funny if he had to wake up for it.

You could equally say that if OP ends up in tears over something as trivial as this then she'd be completely overwhelmed raising a child.

Or, just maybe, how someone reacts to something trivial is no real indication about how they'd react to something important.

I can't believe I just read that. If I were him I'd have been annoyed too.

Yeah you would've annoyed me. I wouldn't want to wake up to look at my dh's hajr, unless it was something significant like a huge clump had unexpectedly fallen out.

Hey OP.
I've voted YABU.
It sounds like you need a lot of reassurance and that your partner is trying but it's not working. It sounds like this morning he was cranky and tired and everything just got a bit out of hand.
Do you need a lot of reassurance? Does he cause this or is it something outside of his control?
If he makes you feel insecure and unhappy and makes you cry then you need to look at your relationship.
If he is doing his best but it's not working then you need to look at what is causing this and how you can help yourself.

This.

Dh and I have been together nearly 18 years and we don’t even say more than a “morning, you ok?” before we have a tea and sit for a bit! I’d find you utterly draining, sorry!

@pinkgin1994 out of interest what was funny about your hair?

How the heck does OP's non event compare with getting up for a baby? It doesn't.
OP started the whole thing off, she asked , he responded, she kept asking and he reminded her that her he always reassures her how he feels but she still keeps asking regardless. An on going situation like that would be hard work emotionally and just comes across as needy and clingy.
I would get annoyed if my dh kept asking for reassurance of how I felt about him first thing in the morning when I'd just woken up too.

Basically you were telling him that he isn't entitled to feel irritated because then you will blow it all up into a big thing, get upset and effectively refuse to be reassured. You need to realise that people can feel irritated with you without it being the big deal you made out of this.