To be worried about sending DD to school

[Journeyintomelody]

Increasingly I am starting to think the pros of sending DD to school no longer outweigh the cons. 5 years ago, homeschooling was not on my radar. I hadn't considered anything other than mainstream school for DD.

However, I am seriously worried about the state of UK schools to the point where I am starting to explore other options. The school system goes against pretty much everything I believe in. I understand how important the social aspect of school is, but, I am also worried about some horror stories related to worsening behaviour.

Am I being completely unreasonable?

I would be interested to hear the experiences of parents with children in reception, year 1 and 2 and also from parents who homeschool. Is mainstream school as bad as the media makes out?

Private is not an option for us.

Note: DD is neurotypical, no additional needs. She's bright but not exceptional - just a happy child.

The school system goes against pretty much everything I believe in.

What do you mean, in what way? I think that would clarify what sort of advice you're looking for

Visit your local schools. Get a feel for the ethos of them and see if any feel right for you as a family.

If you can afford not to work so you can homeschool your daughter then surely you could work full time and fund private school?

Maybe explore your options - find out about and visit local schools, and reach out to the local home education community to find out more there, too.

Not all schools are doing badly; most aren't. And I'd say that's especially true for primary schools. Definitely go and visit your local schools when children are in learning. Get a feel for it. What's the catchment area like? How are there end of yr6 results? You'll know if it's a good fit for your child.

However, home schooling is also a great option for lots of people. Have you got any relevant skills or experience? Even without any, there's lot of support groups out there now.

For a bright, happy girl, I'd send her to school, personally. You could always try it and change your mind at any point.

Schools do vary hugely. There are some exceptional state schools, and some not great ones. And within that ones which are brilliant for some children suit others less.

We are fortunate that we, by chance more than anything, have a brilliant state school for our girls. DD1 is now in year 4, but we moved house when she was in reception and we couldn't look round schools. DD2 is in year 1.
Their school really focuses on the 'whole child', on developing skills around respect, kindness, resilience, on wide and varied learning experiences, and learning through play, especially in reception, and both my girls have thrived. It's not rigid, and topics are weaved into their day and learnt through practical hands on activities. Their classes are quite small at around 20, with a highly experienced teacher and 1 to 2 teaching assistants. Most staff have been there many years as it is, more than anything, a happy place to be.

My gc are at a small local school where I volunteer.They are very happy, have made nice friends and are doing well academically. The school is a calm and happy place. Go and look at local schools and see what you think. Home schooling is a big undertaking.

OP you can’t base your child’s schooling on some media reports without having visited them or looked into it.

What a ridiculous thing to say that all schools are that bad. Of course they aren’t.

That’s like saying all men are bad because you dated a bad one. Your generalising view has no evidence or basis of being correct.

A lot of primary schools are wonderful, nurturing, lovely places.

Sure. I feel strongly against the focus on testing. I believe there is a place for testing but lessons shouldn't simply be test prep - I'm thinking SATs here.

I feel strongly against the culture of external validation.

I don't feel comfortable with screen time in the classroom.

I understand teachers have to stick to a syllabus, but I disagree with homework for primary school, spelling tests for year 1, forcing a child to read the same book over and over again.

I'm also worried about the reports of children not being potty trained etc. I do not understand how a teacher with possibly one TA could ensure all the needs of all the children in the class are met if they have to support children who, for whatever reason, are not school-ready.

I believe children are born curious and keen to learn. My view is that schools should aim to foster that love for learning, not squash it.

Home schooling sounds lovely when they are infants but getting to grips with the secondary curriculum does not sound like much fun to me.

There are some absolutely fantastic schools.

I find schools are a great place for children to be who they are more rather than how parents mould their children to be what they want them to be, schools are not perfect but nor would home-schooling be

I feel strongly against the culture of external validation.

I'm not sure what you mean by this?

If you home school I'd think she'll need more time on screens than if she was at school. Most 4/5 year olds love school.

I understand there is variation. I'm in London. There is a school I really like the feel of down the road. Its a friendly place, Ofsted outstanding, the headteacher knows all the children by first name, great results, I swear all the kids cycle to school and look so happy. Unfortunately, it is in a different borough so despite being less than a 5 min walk, I technically live outside the catchment area (not sure how that works). The other school which is on my doorstep is pretty much the opposite in terms of its culture. It's an academy trust, think plain white classroom walls, no creativity, blazers on 5-year-olds). A lot of the other schools in my area are also underwhelming.

I am currently mostly home educating as my kids can't cope in school. I don't think that my experience is similar to yours, as my kids are crashing out due to additional needs. Certainly didn't plan to! My neices and nephews however are all thriving in state schools.

There are lots of home educated groups and facilities in my area that an average child would be able to access. Our primary has been very flexible, but it would depend on the school. I think secondary is more where you enter the realms of detentions and measuring skirt length.

As others have said, depends entirely on the school, as has always been the case! My DD is in year 1 at our local mainstream school which is a good one (last ofsted rated outstanding) although it was only seeing schools at open days which made us choose it having originally been leaning to another. Seeing them can really help.

You already mention the social benefits.

Ignoring those my daughter has thrived and grown through reception and year 1 so far. She was inherently quiet, shy and went in not being able to read although could recognise some letters. She's now a pretty good reader, writer, has navigated friendship dramas and grown up a lot. She tells me about naughty behaviour and how it gets dealt with. All seems positive so far from our experience.

We weren't sure about it being quite a large primary (3 form entry) but this has actually worked out well. She's had opportunity to make friends outside her class and figure out how to deal with lots of different feelings.

MN is anti- home Ed in general, and you won’t get balanced responses here.

Join local home Ed groups and networks as part of the decision making process, talk to seasoned home edders too. You’ll usually find local groups on Facebook.

go and look around schools - dont just tar them all with the same brush

Home schooling kids miss out on an proper education with qualified teachers - socialisation - trips out - things you cannot replicate

You have not even given school a chance, My kids love primary school, lovely classes, great teachers different books weekly, after school clubs to develop whaat THEY want to do e.g languages/gardening/sports

you are blanketing schools and doing your child no favours

Are you sure you are outside the catchment area of the school you like? Might be worth contacting their admissions team or attending an open day and explicitly asking.

I am near the border between two London boroughs and the schools nearby take children from both boroughs. You have to apply through the borough you live in, but are allowed to name schools in other boroughs.

Have you looked into Waldorf / Steiner schools? They may be more what you are looking for.

I have similar feelings to you OP. Not for infant school (up to y2), as there are many lovely options in the villages around where we live. There are a couple of nice junior (y3-6) as well that I’m ok with. But for secondary I am concerned.

y2 SATs have now been dropped so I think the first formal testing they get isn’t now until y6? Of course there’s lots of mini testing in the classroom but I’m not sure how aware the kids are of it (esp in infant) and you would need to do end of module tests anyway if you home schooled to check your child was understanding content.

if you have little village infant school options available for those first few years I would go and look at them. Our village infant school is all about the whole child, lots of movement and outdoor learning, and exposure to lots of experiences (swimming, forest school, yoga, woodwork, gardening, etc etc) rather than just phonics and maths. It’s small, like a big family, and very caring. The children play with each other across all year groups. If you can find something like that for primary then you give yourself more time to work out what to do for secondary.

How old is she at the moment?

Our experience of school has been entirely positive. I'm the opposite of you - years ago I dreamt of homeschooling, then I had a child and thought - this kid would thrive at school. And that's been the case. We were lucky that we had a school we really liked on our doorstep, and other good options nearby. The school does so much and the social aspect and the structure is so valuable. There are a few SEN kids but at this stage (infant school) I don't get the impression that it causes issues for other pupils (regardless of what pressure it might put on the school, I can't speak to that) and it doesn't seem that different to my day, when the same kids would just have been considered difficult or slow.

What I'm saying is - it depends on your child and on the school. For us, the combination of child plus school has worked well. I'm a convert! (Partly also because I would go mad homeschooling, and giving up work).

Find out how it works. Iirc, this needs not being a barrier. It might mean completing an application process with two boroughs instead of one. I don't think there are hard barriers between boroughs like that.

I technically live outside the catchment area (not sure how that works).

Right. So you've made a statement about all the testing (what testing - SATS are year 6 - that's it for external testing), without knowing anything, or even bothering to check (FYI London borough borders cannot be used as priority admissions areas, and most schools just use home to school distance so you'd probably get in easily).

Just go a visit instead of making ignorant comments in MN.

Find out how it works. Iirc, this needs not being a barrier. It might mean completing an application process with two boroughs instead of one
It doesn't even need two forms. All London boroughs use the same system.

It's Elective Home Education and no, YANBU at all! It's a wonderful path to take, but unfortunately you won't get a balanced view on it here. As per a PP, join some FB groups to speak with people that are very knowledgeable and experienced unlike those here who spout nonsense about home ed children who miss out on 'proper education/socialisation' 🙄