To be worried about sending DD to school

129 replies

Journeyintomelody · 04/03/2025 20:15

Increasingly I am starting to think the pros of sending DD to school no longer outweigh the cons. 5 years ago, homeschooling was not on my radar. I hadn't considered anything other than mainstream school for DD.

However, I am seriously worried about the state of UK schools to the point where I am starting to explore other options. The school system goes against pretty much everything I believe in. I understand how important the social aspect of school is, but, I am also worried about some horror stories related to worsening behaviour.

Am I being completely unreasonable?

I would be interested to hear the experiences of parents with children in reception, year 1 and 2 and also from parents who homeschool. Is mainstream school as bad as the media makes out?

Private is not an option for us.

Note: DD is neurotypical, no additional needs. She's bright but not exceptional - just a happy child.

OP posts:

RampantIvy · 05/03/2025 17:03

MN is anti- home Ed in general, and you won’t get balanced responses here

I don't think you will get balanced responses from home educators either because most home educators are anti school - some with very good reason, it has to be said.

Many people home educate because schools are failing their children or because their children just can't cope in a school environment for mental health or ND or physical reasons. It is a last resort for them rather than a proactive and positive decision.

It also helps to have money, time, a car or excellent public transport, patience, sufficient education, the inclination and a great, local home schooling community so that the children can socialise with each other. DD did brownies and swimming lessons and I found that the children didn't mix at all. The brownies all stuck with the girls they were at school with. At swimming it was in the pool, swim, out, shower, change and go home.

Many people send their children to school because they can't afford to home educate or simply don't want to. I couldn't have offered DD the breadth of education she received at our excellent and local small primary school, and certainly couldn't have educated DD through secondary school.

Home educating gets more expensive in secondary school as GCSEs and A level exams have to be paid for and the practical elements of A level sciences have to be done at an exam centre or college, which also has to be paid for.

SnowyPetals · 05/03/2025 17:13

Sounds like you need to do more research for both school and home Ed. Personally I think it's probably easier to start with school and move to home Ed if school isn't working out, rather than trying home Ed then looking for a school place in Y2 or whenever.

I know this is a long way off for you at the moment, but as the parent of a child sitting 25 GCSE exam papers in May, the secondary school curriculum is a huge undertaking for one person to teach (ie you)

JustSawJohnny · 06/03/2025 11:16

Journeyintomelody · 04/03/2025 23:49

My two closest schools

first is warm, village school feel, head teacher knows kids by name, all kids cycle in and look happy, big emphasis on sport, learn through play ethos. Unfortunately, out of catchment (in theory), I was starting to think (based mostly on mumsnet that this kind of school was becoming more rare)
second, part of an all-through academy, attached to secondary. Terrible behaviour, militant teachers with zero tolerance, kids in ties and blazers with any creativity squeezed out of them. Good results. Kids look depressed when going in, no pictures on the walls (every wall is plain white)

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It might be worth contacting the Primary and seeing how their numbers are looking. Numbers tend to wax and wane somewhat dramatically in village schools and in my experience it's very normal for kids out of catchment to attend.

Maybe if you can get DC into a good Primary it would be worth giving mainstream a go and seeing if they flourish? That way you have more time to consider either taking them out and homeschooling or moving to be in a better catchment area for secondary, if mainstream is working for them?

howchildrenreallylearn · 06/03/2025 16:29

Journeyintomelody · 04/03/2025 23:40

Thanks for the lovely comment. I am assuming that in primary school children all start at different points, perhaps some are already reading, others are nervous to be away from mum, some can solve simple maths problems others cannot. I imagine it is very challenging as a teacher to meet all the diverse needs of children in class. Throw in a couple of disruptive students (*not necessarily the child's fault!) and I struggle to see how any learning gets done. How do you ensure that the quiet ones don't get overlooked, or the academic ones are sufficiently challenged, or the SEN get the support they need? Is there flexibility within the curriculum to cater for diverse needs or are all the children supposed to fit into the standard model?

Sorry my question is a bit long-winded, I hope it's clear.

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Yes you’re right with all you say.
It just can really depend on the school though and the individual teacher.
A small village school in a middle class area is going to be different to a 3 form entry school in an inner city.
Sufficient send support is currently a big problem in schools generally. Again it can vary but overall many schools just cannot meet the needs of each individual child.
Generally the school system is a one-size-fits-all system. It was designed that way and is in fact still very rigid and hasn’t moved with the times. My opinion is that that is one of its biggest downfalls; how it is so out of step with the modern society we live in.
Some schools are better than others at differentiation but teachers are limited by how much they can differentiate due to the rigidity of the national curriculum.

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