To be worried about sending DD to school

[Journeyintomelody]

Increasingly I am starting to think the pros of sending DD to school no longer outweigh the cons. 5 years ago, homeschooling was not on my radar. I hadn't considered anything other than mainstream school for DD.

However, I am seriously worried about the state of UK schools to the point where I am starting to explore other options. The school system goes against pretty much everything I believe in. I understand how important the social aspect of school is, but, I am also worried about some horror stories related to worsening behaviour.

Am I being completely unreasonable?

I would be interested to hear the experiences of parents with children in reception, year 1 and 2 and also from parents who homeschool. Is mainstream school as bad as the media makes out?

Private is not an option for us.

Note: DD is neurotypical, no additional needs. She's bright but not exceptional - just a happy child.

Thanks. I think the reason why I have been so turned off the idea is because the nearest school (the one DD will go to unless we move) is an all-through academy (so the primary is attached to the secondary). That secondary ethos seems to have spilled over a bit. Behaviour is horrendous from the secondary school kids (as in setting off fireworks, robbing tesco express, a lot of gang issues, phone snatching, etc..) Its not the warm, friendly kind of school other posters have described. Even the younger ones randomly hurl abuse at people just walking down the street.

Why do you think this? I homeschool my three kids and they have about 2 hours screen time Mon-Fri (that's total, not every day!)

That's a very interesting and valid point. Thanks.

What do you believe in that the school system goes against?

What evidence do you have about the 'state of uk schools'?

Do you realise that the media report exciting, exaggerated stories because normal school stories would be too boring?

Where on earth do you get that idea from
Why would I complain to the school
Teachers have a hard enough job as it is.

I don't have evidence, which is why I am asking for people to share their experiences. We all know media hypes stories up.

Thank you. I tutored a few kids who were homeschooled (live in tutor) and it was really eye-opening. The children were incredible - so bright, happy, confident and had the busiest social lives from all their clubs and activities. I think homeschooling can be a great option if done well - but I guess it mostly depends on the child (and the finances!)

You don't live in a heavily gentrified area of East London do you? Because one of my friends might be in a nearby neighbourhood and is having a similar dilemma with a similar all through Academy being their nearest school. But there are loads and loads and loads of other options not too far away. It sounds like you've just looked at the two so far?

How do you think employment works? Homeschool if you chose but this attitude will set your child up for failure in life after school. You might not like testing but universities won't accept zero qualifications. Homeschooled children still have to be tested.

Yep, you got it.

I have a ds1 in Y5 and ds2 in Y2. I also homeschooled ds1 on/off during the Covid lockdowns when he was in YR/Y1.

I believe the pros outweigh the cons in good state schools for many, possibly most, children. Exceptions include some children with SEN, and others who have been unable to settle in school for a variety of reasons. The proportion of these children gets higher every year I think. Also not every child can get into a good state school - inadequate schools may not be the best fit for a lot of children either.

I found homeschooling ds1 hard work because I was busy trying to juggle a toddler and my own job, which presumably many people do not have to do. I considered myself quite fortunate that ds1 was in the younger years and I didn't find homeschooling itself particularly challenging - basic numbers, letters, reading. One task was to cut out different shapes in different colours to make a pizza etc. However, ds1 comes home with his homework now and whilst I can easily help him with a lot of it (spelling, English, geography etc), maths is slightly more challenging. It's not that I can't help him, it just takes longer and i often have to spend a bit of time to learn what he's been learning at school before I can help. Maths is not my strong point, and other parents will find it easy, but equally there will be some who find it impossible. I'm very aware that in the next 2 years his maths knowledge will probably overtake mine.

I think it is always worth giving mainstream schooling a go. Your child may thrive. But I think that parents, unless academic themselves, may well struggle in homeschooling children when they get into the serious academic years.

I think there is a place for testing, but we are talking about primary school.

Yes. As I say, we enjoyed our home ed time. We are fortunate to live in a lovely spot, with loads of lovely outdoor places to go, plenty of time, money (well, enough) and resources etc. DH and I worked part time round each other, it was a lovely time.

As they got older it would have been harder, DD (the oldest) was an utter live wire, and attempting any more formal schooling at home would have been very challenging. My middle child was very different, it would have worked just fine. Youngest is the spit of his big sister, so he too would have proven challenging! When they’re younger (early to mid primary) there is so much that can be learned just through life, but as they get older more formality is often needed. If one wanted to go down the unschooling type route, that’s all well and good, but if you think they may at some point want to go into a more formal setting (GCSEs, A-Levels, university) then they need to be able to follow that curriculum. We would have considered an online high school if the circumstances warranted it.

We wanted them to have all options open to them career wise etc, so although going back into the school system made us nervous, we could see the benefits. Sometimes even if you think the norm isn’t perfect, following it/having the same as everyone else can be important.

I think you should home school, no school is ever going to measure up to your standard and by the sound of it you will always be looking for a fault in any school.

I’m an early years practitioner, we have a parent, just one, that no matter what we do and how we do things, it’s never good enough or to her standard, even although the other 100 families are happy with it. It’s very tiring when everything we do is commented on.

I'm just horrified that so many people think they are organised and thinking enough to even come close to providing the enrichment, friendship groups, and experience a half decent school will give a child.

Sigh. As I said, 5 years ago I wouldn't have batted an eyelid about sending my child to school. But if you could see the schools in my area maybe you would understand where some of my concerns re. behaviour and the general ethos of the school are coming from.

Half decent is the key element of that phrase. How do you define that? And why is half decent enough? It also assumes that all kids and all families are the same. Mine had a lovely life when they were out of school. Lots of friends, groups, clubs, sports etc. They quickly assimilated when they rejoined school, and are above average academically. They still have a lovely life now they’re back in school, but arguably less ‘wholesome’ perhaps.

Absolutely! When I was in school it was really odd and unusual to be home schooled but now it's much more normal and plenty of clubs have week day sessions specifically for homeschooled kids. I'm really open to it myself, if my DD starts struggling in school I will go down the home school route.

I think you are over thinking this a bit. Just see more schools and choose the best fit. And then see how she gets on. No school is perfect but then life isn't..just let her go to school and then evaluate it.

You'll never get a balanced view on here, OP. Most Mumsnetters think we keep our home educated children under the stairs like Harry Potter. My daughter was in school until Year 2 and then we switched to home educating and we have been doing this for the last five years. She is thriving having one on one teaching, has a great friendship group and goes to an activity everyday with other kids her age. Some are groups for home ed kids which run during school hours. Some are after school with a mix of home ed and school children. You won't find these groups unless you delve into your local community. I'd say try it and if it doesn't suit, school isn't going anywhere and you can always rejoin it if you change your mind.

Sorry if you've said and I've missed it, but when is her birthday?

Sending my son at compulsory school age 5 is the best thing we could have done.

He has no SEN etc - and he's starting reception age 5 (it's a myth they have to jump straight to y1)

Children born April-August are eligible for this option.

If you're not sure on school full stop it gives you a year to think this over more, consider different schools, understand your child's needs better etc

She's a March baby :)

Oh, well I can see why you want to avoid that one! But that's not your typical primary school.

Hi op, I’m an ex primary teacher and a home ed parent now.
I understand exactly your concerns. What you are talking about is extrinsic V intrinsic motivation. School is built on extrinsic motivation. Kids are told what to learn and when and are rewarded (whether explicitly or not) by the adults around them. Testing is depressing too and very prevalent in schools these days, even primary. My DC lost any love of learning they had in school.

Mumsnet is generally quite anti-home ed so you won’t get a very balanced conversation here. You’ll get a lot of responses like “but what about socialisation!” and “how can you provide such a rich learning environment at home” without any knowledge of either of those topics.

I can try to answer any specific questions you have and I just want to say, the best parenting advice you’ll ever get is to follow your instincts. It’s your family and you get to make decisions for them.

There were no childten not potty trained in both my sons reception classes. I think this is complete sensationalis story.
Some of the things you have spoken about just are how the modern world works.
It sounds like you are considering home schooling for some quite bizarre reasona.
I actually would home school my child if I disnt bave to work, but not becuase I was scared of schools which you seem to be.