My beloved pet is becoming a problem

[99problems99]

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

This is a lovely reply thankyou. I’ll try plug in! I’d love them to get along but right now, yes, my youngest is a ball of energy perhaps she’s overwhelmed. Thankyou for your kind response xxx

I assume she's spayed? Unneutered indoor cats develop dreadful behavioural problems.

I would save my 3 cats over my own family members 😄

On a serious note, I feel the same way. My boys have saved me and been through my darkest times with me. They are the most pure little souls and I would do anything for them.

Some people will never understand. They seen them as "just animals".

It is the most ridiculous rage-bait argument to get into though. Don't do it.

My dog is my primary responsibility, so my focus is on my dog. So if there is some hypothetical situation where dog and child both need saving, it may well be that I spot my dogs need first... because the child is NOT my responsibility and NOT my focus.

It also might be that its possible to save child then dog, or dog then child, or maybe its possible to save neither, who the fuck knows because the bottom line is when you are faced with some god-awful emergency situation, you actually haven't a clue what you'd do.

Theres a solid chance you'd freeze, run away, or faff about like a headless chicken and save no one at all.

I can say that, in the unenviable position of someone who has actually stood close enough to a burning house to feel the heat from the flames (about 15m) - there is zero way I would have gone in there if my dog, your child, a school full of kids... were in there. No matter how much I think I'd save my dog, it would have been impossible to go in.

But if you want to play that game... for those who have more than one child... which one comes first eh? If 'kids come first', which one do you like the most, which are you saving... ah ah now, you can't have favourites.

Or is it just not that simple a question, in a hypothetical you can't actually imagine the true nature of, with unknowable parameters, such that it becomes a fucking stupid game to play.

Ok, I agree it’s not ideal Hense my post. Sometimes it’s not that black and white though

I'd contact a responsible cat rescue charity - many pedigree breeds have a waiting list of good homes. Please get any more pets as you don't sound as though you can cope.

@99problems99 Another thing to try might be Zylkene. It's a natural powder that comes in a capsule, but you can open the capsule & sprinkle it on food - 2 of mine really liked the taste too!

Most vets sell it so you can be sure it's fine for the cat, but I usually get it off Amazon as much cheaper there and I think Pets at Home (insert pet shop chain of your choice here) stock it too.

You’re not a very nice person and I’d appreciate it if you didn’t post your shitty attitude on this post. If you can’t help- move along. Mean girl behaviour right there.

Wow this is amazing. Thank you I’ll deffo check that out! X

I don’t sound like I can cope? I am coping just fine, simply trying to ask for advice to ensure the happiness of my pet and mr child. Another useless comment.. or more an insult disguised as a comment.

Thank you. Yes she’s got lots of spaces only she can access, up high and things. Thanks for
your helpful
comment I’ll try that xx

Thanks x

I don't know why that poster said that to you, you are trying to negotiate a pet and a toddler which happens in thousands of homes daily.

Batting at him is fairly common behaviour with cats and babies. She's essentially teaching him manners and boundaries like she would do to her own kittens.

Personally I'd just keep them apart as much as possible and the behaviour is likely to fade out as he gets older. If she's generally good natured, I'd doubt it would escalate but you know your cat best.

Its clear you really love the cat and this is a horrible position to find yourself in. I'm chucking my twopence in as the current Chief of Staff to a very highly strung cat. I'm the second post holder, the first was actually a family and she also lived with another cat who was her sister.

She doesnt like most people, definitely can't stand small children or other cats. Living in her first home caused her such a significant amount of stress it took me about 5 years to get her out of a constant cycle of stress UTIs, I got a behaviourist (nothing she suggested made a blind bit of difference) and eventually got us through it with an arsenal of tricks mostly found by accident. Shes not had a stress UTI in 5 years and has also finally stopped ripping holes in my carpets 🥴

Only you know your cat, but if you really feel its solvable with management at home then please feel free to PM me and I'd be happy to share all of the mental things I do. Most of them don't cost a penny but have really helped her to live her best life - she became a lap cat 6 months ago after refusing to consider it since 2016 which was wonderful. I adore her.

Wow this gives me hope. Thank you. Yes I’ll message you any tips greatly appreciated as my carpets are also holier than the pope x

My third cat came to me with a birth defect that caused him pain. He then had to have surgery at 6 months old and then cage rest.

So the crucial bonding and socialising time with him as a kitten was when he was sick and in pain.

Through no fault of his own he was short tempered and took it out on my other two cats and myself when he got off cage rest and this continued for about 4 months until I decided I needed to do sonrthing about it.

I did some things that made a huge amount of difference and now the 3 boys are asleep on the bed with me as I type this. He is a mellow little angel.

The first thing that made the most difference was removing grain from his diet. I did a lot of research into nutrition and consulted the vet at the specialist hospital where he was treated.
This vet recommended a wet only, grain free, sugar free, high meat content diet.

This made a difference in about 24hrs. I recently had to give him some Felix and Sheba and he had his first fights with his brothers in months.

I recommend the site Zooplus. Their customer service and products are the best you can get in the UK.
I have changed all 3 of mine over to this diet and they have lost weight, their coats are shiny and they are all happier in themselves.

I feed a mix of Wild Freedom, Macs and Feringa.

I have also found that chicken, rabbit and poultry keep them in the best moods. Beef, pork and fish aren't the best.

Then on to supplements. These were recommended by the vet also, and he told me to get them on Amazon subscribe and save which is great.

Feliway Cystease capsules aren't only for preventing cystitis. They have a calming element that helps anxious cats.
I sprinkle one over breakfast and one over dinner daily (they can be opened and mixed with food or treats).

Secondly, Zyklene. I also mix with his food.

And lastly I have two plugins in my home and I do notice a difference when they run out.
I have the Pet Remedy one and Feliway Optimum (this is the best, Feliway friends did nothing for mine).

We have gone from a cat that would literally attack his brothers when they were sleeping and he wouldn't let me stroke half his body, to a moochie, lovely boy who is a cuddle monster.

Some of that will be socialisation and time. But I have noticed a huge improvement in my older two also, my implementing these changes.
The older two have never been aggressive, but they are calmer and happier now too.

In that time I have moved from the UK to Thailand and then I have moved twice recently and I credit those supplements and plugins with how they have been throughout.

They have had absolutely no issues or anxiety literally moving to the other side of the world.

It is an investment, and they take 30 days of consistent use to really work... But please give them a try before rehoming your cat.

Excuse me?

What is shitty about pointing out that the 'who would you save first' argument is specious and frankly, fucking stupid.

I assume my lengthy post explaining the steps you can take to help both kid and cat is also a sign of my 'shitty attitude'? Good to know taking the time to offer professional, qualified advice is 'shitty'.

I’m sorry I accidentally posted this response to you when it was actually supposed to be at someone else. I am new ish to mums net posting. And that was an error. Sorry if I’ve offended you

Yes deffo will invest in a cat tree, she had one as a kitten but never used to use it but now she may if she wants space. Thank you x

No she’s a British long hair. I have been told by our vet that this breed especially females are quite hard to please too. My friend has 2 Maine coones they are amazing with her baby. X

I tell him not to touch her. She's never met a toddler before, he probably seems like an annoying kitten to her.

It’s a cat. Cats scratch. The fact your cat HASNT scratched the older children shows that she’s safe with children - but irritated by babies!! Ensure they are kept separate until the child is old enough not to grab ; shriek, make sudden movements. Cats are notoriously temperamental , but I assume not only you but also the rest of the family would be sad if the cat was sent away - it also doesn’t teach the older ones a great lesson ( that pets are disposable).

I agree.

agree thank you. I will do just that. The baby loses interest very quickly when I tell
him no more than once. I suppose it’s just my crazy mam overthinking mind lol