My beloved pet is becoming a problem

[99problems99]

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

Please give your cat a bit longer.Your son will soon understand better and treat your cat as she likes to be treated. Our cat claws too at times and even the dog knows not to upset her. We just work round her temperament. Shouldn't have to I know but we don't have an 18 month child in the home.

Thankyou - and in turn I apologise as I was having a particularly shitty moment and didn't think 'hey this makes no sense, perhaps this person made a mistake' i just got mad! Sorry!

The CHILD is the problem??? Bloody hell! What a comment.

Cats can be sensitive creatures, the cat may prefer a quieter home.

Has your cat been spayed?

She’s made it very clear that she doesn’t want him to touch her so I would make sure he’s kept away from her. Even him being gentle is too much for her so I would very much respect that. I had the same situation many years ago with a grumpy old siamese cat. She was fine with my older son but not his younger brother. I bought her a heated pad and put it on my bed and put beds up high for her and kept them apart. When she knew he wasn’t able to get near her she relaxed and within a few months she started ignoring him. By the time he was about 3 they were absolute besties and she would lie on his chest while he was watching telly . I think it would be very unfair to rehome her without making an effort to resolve the situation

If we removed the word cat with dog I think you’d have very different answers. However, I’m my eyes they still pose the same threat. If the cat were to attack your child it could do a lot of damage.

I understand you’d be heart broken if you were to re-home the cat, but your child is the priority here.
The cat will be re-homed and will have a lovely life. Your child will I’ll have a safer environment. It’s a guilt thing about giving it up. I’d say it would be far worse feeling guilty if the cat were to lash out.

This 👆 It’s much too soon to think of rehoming. As he grows older, he will be less loud and jerky. You can get some very stylish cat shelves these days. She need to be able to get up high and look down in distain.

This is one example, but it’s complex and expensive. It doesn’t need to cost this much.
https://www.catastrophicreations.com/products/juggernaut-wall-cat-condo?variant=47637781840168

Exactly this!
I worked at a cat rescue centre for 10 years. This reply is what I was going to say.

A cat might give him a small scratch or bite but it’s nothing like the risk from a dog. I’d take her to the vet to check for underlying health causes for her lashing out. Otherwise keep them separate as much as possible, get a feliway and likely she will like him more once he’s bigger and quieter and less erratic.

Can you not grasp that when addressing animal behaviour issues, we're not casting judgement, just working out what is going on. We have to do that from the animals perspective!

The cats behaviour is a result of the childs behaviour. The child is the problem because the child is the catalyst for that unwanted behaviour.

Thats not a judgement on the child, thats just the nuts and bolts of the issue. The solution is to manage both such that the child cannot cause the cat to feel threatened and alter the access the cat has, where the cat sleeps, add in diffusers/sprays etc to change how the cat feels, so that eventually the cat does not feel threatened by the child.

I have a 16month old daughter and 3 ragdolls, one of which is quite territorial. Luckily she is fairly gentle (the territorial one)and my girl finds it absolutely hilarious when she whacks her with her paw. Still trying to teach my girl to be gentle, she seems to understand when she’s not tired. Just keep an eye on them, I shut my cats out the room when my girl is tired and likely to be more rough with them, I know in a year or so she will fully understand and be big enough to not be so worried, I don’t think it’ll be long for you until you’ll be worried less. I definitely wouldn’t consider rehoming as it is manageable and will likely get easier soon enough x

@99problems99 don’t give up on your lovely cat. Things will improve. Keep showing your son that he needs to be gentle. Give her a space (if you can) that she can retreat to in the same room so she’s still with you but out of your child’s reach.

My beautiful cat boy would sometimes attack my eldest DSs feet. He eventually grew out of it. However, if you stroked him in the wrong way he got grumpy, a friend of DSs who was repeatedly warned to leave him alone didn’t and got bitten. Thankfully his mother witnessed it all. But I would never have rehomed him, he was with us for 16 years.

Stop forcing the issue, make cosy dens for her high and away from your children, so she can get away if she wants, don't force them to like each other. There will come a time when she will tolerate him better when he's older. Meantime make time for her too. She prob isn't keen on the noises and smells after having quiet space. And don't leave them alone together. It's unfair on both of them. It's also out of order suggesting rehoming her.

No-one is going to react favourably to a post which begins “ Can you not grasp…”.
Goady and rude. And the post I was reacting to was a bald “ It is the child that is the problem.”

I think you just need to spend some time in training your cat.

alpha behaviour

Sorry, it sounds like a horrible cat in general.

I foster cats for a charity, have done so for years. When needing to introduce people to cats and kittens or cats to other cats, we do a scent transfer first. Get a clean cloth, old tea towel for example, and gently rub the cat with it, especially the sides of her face where the scent glands are if possible. Then take that cloth and rub it on your baby's arms and legs - not hands in case he's putting them in his mouth.

Before anyone screams - as the cat lives in the house and has free range, her scent and fur will be everywhere anyway, this is just a stronger connection. When the cat comes over to the baby, the baby will smell like her, and will help her accept him. Do that along with giving her a high place where the baby doesn't go, carry on stopping the baby touching the cat, and before too long, the cat should be more tolerant of him. It works a treat on reintroducing mum with a kitten who's been to the vet, for example, and helps a new cat settle in if a scent cloth has been placed in their new home before they're let out of their carry case, or doing a scent exchange before introducing a new cat to an existing family cat.

Feliway plug-ins as already suggested by pp could also help, as will creating safe spaces where baby doesn't go..

Training a cat? Cats train us 😂 Thankfully, I’ve had Siamese for decades and they tend to love all of their humans (strangers - not so much).

I’m very good at training dogs, but cats make their own decisions in my experience.

That’s ok no need to say sorry I would have done the same! Thank you for your helpful comment too, I can’t find the comment I was supposed to be responding too either lol.

Amazing Thankyou so much for this x

She isn’t horrible. She sleeps in bed with my older son (9). She comes to me for cuddles on her own accord.. she’s just struggling with the baby

Thankyou

Yes x

I hope there is a way to overcome the obvious concern but putting the small child’s safety before that of a cat is not out of order. Re-homing is an option that is acceptable.