My beloved pet is becoming a problem

[99problems99]

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

Saying you’d choose an animal over a child is an example of poor decision making. It’s ludicrous, quite frankly.

If the tables were turned, I guess you'd be understanding if a stranger saved their pet rather than your "random" child? That boggles my mind.

You are worrying about nothing. Your child is a toddler and next year he will be a completely different child. Get some feliway, she’s probably abit jealous but there’s really no need to rehome her.

There's a chap called Jackson Galaxy, who is a cat behaviourist. He did a show called My cat from hell. It's worth having a look at him, as he really is very good when it comes to problems like this.

No, it's not ludicrous. A random child means absolutely nothing to me, whereas my dogs are my world. They're task trained for different purposes relating to my disabilities and they're invaluable to me. Why would I save a kid I don't know over a member of my family? It's ludicrous to think that I would.

I can see why you might be finding this stressful, but this is a cat we're talking about, not a large vicious dog that's twice the size of your child... realistically, how much damage could she do if you're supervising? It's not like she's going to tackle him to the ground and tear him limb from limb whilst you watch helplessly. A couple of light scratches aren't the end of the world and may help your son to understand what not to do. I agree with others that in another year or two he'll be totally different anyway and much more attuned to how to act around cats. In the meantime, just keep them apart for the most part and do some controlled access when both your son and the cat seem to be in a calm mood. I wouldn't dream of rehoming a cat for this. Hope you can start to feel better about it and that things settle down soon.

Op, it will all be fine. There’s no need to rehome your beloved cat. As many pps have said, cats usually hate babies and toddlers. They’re afraid of them, because it’s hard to predict what they’re going to do, and they don’t respect cat boundaries. But in another couple of years, they will have got used to each other; the child will have learnt to respect the cat’s space and its body language, and the cat won’t feel so anxious. Teach the child never to approach the cat; let any interaction be entirely on the cats terms.

The cat may also be jealous. Take some time every day to focus on her. It sounds ridiculous but it can make a huge difference!

I also second the recommendation to let her have a cat flap and outside access, so that she can get properly away from toddler noise that will be hurting her sensitive hearing, and give her more stimulation. I wouldn’t worry about her getting stolen - adult cats hold little value, even pedigrees. Pet Rehomer is full of Maine Coons, Ragdolls and Bengals being given away.

Ok so I’m not the best on Mumsnet. A newby.. maybe.. and can’t follow the replies. But I see you think that a child is an inconvenience if a pet has to go? In that case… wtf!

Rubbish! We had a cat that was always a bit fickle but he got on very well with our two year old. Until one day when we we re outside having a picnic.
Cat drew the two year old away from us, winding his tail around him and purring. Two year old toddled off behind him and then the cat struck. He flew in our son's face, tore two huge finger length scratches down his face and bit and damaged his eye. As well as a bite to his hand and arm.Treatment involved the hospital, antibiotics (wound got infected) and lifelong facial scars.
Our son did absolutely nothing to the cat, he was and still is the most gentle of souls. We kept the cat but made sure he was never even in the same room as our kids.
We have a 17 year old little old lady cat now. She wouldn't hurt a fly and loves children. Not all cats are the same and not all children torment them.

Oh goodness no! Quite the opposite!!! I’m saying that the child comes first, always. Please don’t confuse me with @SquashedSquid !!

We had a cat who barely looked at dd2 until she was 3 I'm assuming it was the unpredictable baby/toddler thing, .dd1 was 3 when we got the cat as a kitten and they grew up together.

Stop trying to make others feel bad for protecting their babies and children from their pets. Your situation is completely irrelevant.

Good Lord, So if you had to save a random child or your own dog from a burning building, you'd save the fucking dog?
This is the most appalling and disgusting thing I've ever read on Mumsnet .

@StScholastica why did you keep such a viscous cat? As a mum to young children myself, I can’t imagine always being so on the ball to ensure the cat is away from the kids. How did you manage that day in, day out?

Please don't rehome her. She doesn't pose a serious threat to your child. You need to make sure she has access to plenty of safe, quiet and high up space where she will be left alone. It will get better in time no doubt.

Maybe it’s not your new baby but the cat finding it hard to adjust to two young children, esp.given that they are territorial creatures op.
suggestions I can think of:

• those plug in cat pheromone things that are meant to help them deal with stressful situations
• lots of gentle attention in case it feels neglected
• a room that is child free, quiet and smells like the cat so s/he feels safe and a sense of control
• a few cat beds dottted around, some high up and some hidden.
• videos to train your cat on YouTube that might help?

i have two cats and although not had this issue, they do sometimes get fed up and I’ve found the beds dotted around help! That said they’re also outdoor cats so can run outside for space!

good luck

Rehoming seems rather extreme to me, just keep them apart while he’s so little? It doesn’t sound like she particularly wants to be near him, I think I’d move on from the gentle touching lesson and instead teach ‘stay away from the cat’. The cat sounds like she won’t need much encouragement to also steer clear of him.

We kept the cat because we thought maybe it was ill or in pain or something. We gave it a second chance but we are lucky to have quite a large house and the cat stayed in the (heated) outhouses and conservatory. He died when he picked a fight with a fox a few months later.

I take it you feel the same way about all animals and are, naturally, a Vegan?

Have you tried any of the feliway calming diffusers or pet remedy?

People are being ridiculous. The cat "just bats at him without her claws" and "scratched him lightly twice", and posters are saying the cat poses an obvious danger to the toddler. OP, please supervise the cat and toddler when they are together. The cat won't eat the toddler or maim him in any way. It's a cat, not an XL Bully.

As the toddler gets more mobile, the cat will learn to avoid him. As the toddler gets older, he'll learn to be gentle and make friends with the cat. No need to dump the cat in a shelter under the pretence of 'finding a better home'. If anything, the toddler is a greater danger to the cat than vice versa. A cat weighs about 4kg, the toddler will soon be much larger than the cat.

Quite the opposite if anything! You won't see anyone particularly advocating for all cats to be indoor only, but there's regular posts on The Litter Tray about how they'd rather their cat had a year outdoors & then got run over by a car than to keep it indoors all it's life.

Mine are indoor, for good reasons to do with their past histories. Certain breeds tend to be much safer indoors because of their temperament, stupidity (with certain breeds anyway!) or their potential for theft. Plus cats do seem to be the preferred victims of cruelty as they wander about the streets on their own. But in general on MN as in the entire UK cats do seem to be more outdoor than indoor only though thank goodness people no longer "put the cat out for the night".

An alternative to building a catio could be cat proofing your garden.

Would you rather save someone else's child or your own child from a burning building?

When my cat is feeling cheeky - he would swipe at me through the stair panels as I was walking down the stairs. Maybe your cat is trying to play with him.

I would look at Jackson Galaxy (the cat daddy) on YouTube; he has a tv series and some books on cat behaviour and strategies for issues like this which I have used with great success on a few occasions and highly recommend. There are definitely many things that you can put in place in the home before rehoming has to be considered. I hope you find a solution that works for you, baby and kitty 💚