My beloved pet is becoming a problem

[99problems99]

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

Don't show or tell him how to touch her, he's too young to be interacting with her, barely more than a baby. At that age he's going to be too noisy, clumsy and unpredictable for her to appreciate. I agree with giving her somewhere up high to go to get away from him. You need to watch them closely and remove her from the room if needed. Don't try and encourage him to be interacting with her though, even gently, he's too young.

Has she got safe spaces in the house that your toddler can’t access? Do you play with her and groom her as much as you did before DS came along?

Batting without claws isn’t a ‘problem’, really, if she wanted to use her claws then she absolutely would.

ETA has she been to a vet recently? Grumbles/batting if she is worried he might touch her could mean that something hurts!

Thank you. I just wanted some opinions to help me, so I appreciate the help, although I didn’t mean to come across as making a big deal just needed some advice.

Sorry, I wasn’t denying the scenario exists at all! Just remembered that for them it took time for the cats to accept the fact that their dynamics had changed and their lovely peaceful house would never be quite the same ever again 😂

cats don't like change and are very sensitive to environmental changes. things will improve, just need to supervise. don't shout or scold the cat, that will freak them out more.

Yes she has run of the house and my little one doesn’t go upstairs yet apart from bed time. She sleeps in the day but sometimes
at bath time when she ventures out he’s full of beans and I think she finds it invasive. Yes I groom her the same, she doesn’t like it but never has. She goes to a groomer for her hair tidied up and she nearly takes the groomers eye out too. She’s a sassy little thing at times

I had a cat like that when my children were young. They soon realised they had to give her a wide berth. Our cat was notoriously bad tempered, and it wasn't just children she would have a swipe at for no apparent reason. It wasn't a big deal.

to add... my DSC (much older than your DC) have only recently started interacting with the cats - you can't let an 18 month old stroke the cat even if it's lightly

Thank you. I’ll take this on board because sometimes I do raise my voice which probably doesn’t help. As she’s a cat, not a child lol

It's a cat. They sometimes scratch and bite. I doubt she will savage him. And he will learn to avoid her!

Sounds like you want 'permission' to rehome her to me and that's fine but at least own that

Thank you. I will stop that then- I thought maybe that would help, but there is plenty of time I suppose. Thanks x

OP please do give yourself some time before you do anything drastic. I realise that it feel like you cat is reacting when DC aren't doing anything 'wrong' but as far as your cat is concerned she just doesn't want them to go near her. It's very normal for cats to take offence at young children- they are noisy, unpredictable, grabby etc..

@99problems99 unfortunately that will amplify behaviour. You could pick her up and put her in another room if she does something 'wrong' but no shouting. Good luck.

You’re right. Thank you. I think I’ll keep them apart for now. Give her some space, he is boisterous, as the second ones are lol. X

Thank you. X

She sounds like a totally typical cat and you sound like you're massively over-reacting to what is perfectly normal cat behaviour.

Cats scratch and bite and bat people - it's normal. If she wanted to hurt him, she would be spitting, growling and attacking.

Just keep them under supervision and have a good read up on feline body language.

No I actually wanted people to tell me I’m not over thinking it and to keep her, because I love her and I got her because I wanted her for her whole life. Please read my other replies you will see I am willing to try anything to keep her. I just worry people think I value her more than the safety of my son, which of course is not the case at all. I value them both on different ways. So please be kind I’m seeking help.

Thank you. I appreciate this. I will do exactly this .

YANBU. If this were a dog the majority vote would say the same.
A cat scratch on the face could severely damage an eye. Rip open a lip.
Given your cats breed I’m sure a good owner would take her on.
You can’t train a cat like you can a dog and your little one is still very young.

Thank you. Now you say this- I see what you mean. I just think I seen her interact so well with my older son, but he was 4 and very aware of her boundaries. My youngest is a tornado and I suppose she’s not used to it. Thanks for your advice

Cats generally hate toddlers, but generally don't pose a risk of significant harm. Obviously your child's safety comes first, but I'm not sure a light scratch would get me to rehoming. Cats are not dogs.

I do think your dc should be taught not to touch the cat for at least a couple of years, and your cat should have safe spots, preferably high up, within the main living rooms. Could you build a cat run on your wall? Entertaining for the dc to watch, stimulating for the cat, and safe for all.

Have you tried feliway plug in diffusers? Theyre supposed to help calm cats anxiety.

I agree with @Jade520 that he's too young to be touching the cat at all. You will have time to teach him how to be gentle when he's older.

I'm a cat sitter (and dog walker) so I meet many many new cats. The vast majority of them warm to me only on their own terms. In general I creep around during my first few visits, and once the chores are done I sit quietly in the region of the cat. Sooner (or later) curiosity gets the better of them and they come closer, but unless they are very confident I sit pretty still and just make the odd soothing noise. They are generally either sitting on my lap or next to me enjoying some fuss after a few visits- but if I hunt them out, try to touch them before they are ready or follow them about then it takes them longer to come round.

I get it can be a bit scary, but honestly, it's totally normal. A couple of light scratches is nothing at all to worry about. I'd even say the batting is an attempt at play - we call them skippity paps

This is the reasoning behind my post. I keep thinking ‘if I let it slide.. what if she hurts Hm’. I had a groomer come to the house once a while back to help me with some matting she had on her bottom. (She now has a regular groomer who she’s comfortable with) and she was so distressed she scratched my sister in her fight to get away. That’s always on the back of my mind however the circumstances then were very different. I appreciate your comment x