My beloved pet is becoming a problem

[99problems99]

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

Food bribes are a good idea … they work better with dog, but worth a try. I do wonder if cat is defending her territory … like the sofa is hers and yours but this newcomer - no.
Does she have a high up place that’s hers? So she can watch and feel like she has her territory, and isn’t threatened?

It sounds like the best solution is to get him to not touch her at all, the cat clearly hates it no matter how gentle he is...and you don't know what's happening when you're not able to supervise.

Could you try some calming cat food if she’s finding the environment stressful x

It's lucky you told her "it's a cat"....she might have thought it was a dog.

This is MN and everyone is animal mad, but in the real world most people would just re-home the cat. It clearly wants peace and quiet, it should go to an elderly person and not be with a young family.

I was just looking for a good cat meme!

Take her for a health check at the vets, and you could make a cat wall in a room. So she can go to her cat resting area without him bothering her.

This ! Cats scratch, that is what many/most of them do. We were told to give a grumpy cat a wide berth, watch for body language like tail lashing, and when my Granny’s lovely cat scratched me (I was dressing him in a baby hat …) I was rightly the one told off, not the long suffering cat. I have had very affectionate cats but all of them have scratched sometimes. It’s just normal behaviour.

Someone has already suggested it, but my toddler helps me feed our cat. DD is at peak annoying age and the cat is very tolerant of her but I know she gets on her tits, I think the feeding does help sweeten the deal.

If separating them in the house doesn't work, in your shoes I would rethink letting her outside into the garden to have some space when the little one is annoying her. Have you also tried Feliway plug-ins to see if that calms her down at all? And lots of high up places to hide?

I hope it gets better for you- I feel your pain. When I had DD we had 2 cats and sadly they fought each other constantly and terribly as soon as the baby arrived. We tried all the tricks we could for a year and nothing helped. I was absolute distraught to rehome one of them, felt like I'd never forgive myself. Actually it ended up being the best thing all round- although I miss her terribly, she is very happy in her new home (lots of lovely updates from new family) and my older cat is mostly happy too- annoyance at toddler aside!

I spoke to her new family initially through pets4homes, we exchanged a lot of messages and phonecalls and then met for dinner before we committed to the rehoming. We have the proviso that if anything ever happens to their circumstances and they can't look after her, we will have her back in a heartbeat. It was truly heartbreaking and I hope it doesn't come to that for you x

I'm a mum of the 2010s and that's what I told my son too. He learned after a few scratches. No harm done 🤷‍♀️

I'm sorry but i think this is really sad.. your baby was 6 months old and they were scratched on the nose in their own home which is supposed to be safe for them. What if it was your child's eye and they lost their sight. You said you didn't see what the 6 month old did... they are a young baby, I doubt they were doing much other than sitting there innocently or crawling. They aren't doing anything 'wrong at 6 months old. I would certainly think it's necessary to rehome a pet if they are attacking your small baby!

You have unrealistic expectations of her - she is a cat, not a dog, not a child.

What you think is fine, ie small child sat next to her, she views as an encroachment on her personal space and a threat. So she defends herself against the threat, by warning him to back off out of her space.

So she feels uncomfortable - then you shout, so she learns that small child next to her = bad news!

Do not give your child treats or make feeding conditional on being close to him, this will up the level of confrontation and encourage your child to go near her/interact with her when this is the last thing she wants.

YOU pair treats with seeing the youngest child - so treats come from you.

Supply lots of cat trees so she has multiple comfortable spots, high up, out of childs reach, in strategic positions where she will feel safe.

Use Feliway diffusers/spray etc all around the house.

Consider a catio so she can have year round outdoor access.

Teach your child to come find you and ask you to move the cat if she is sat where he wants to sit, and pair this with treats too so that she finds being moved to another location a good thing, and he isn't repeatedly getting in her space.

I would also see if she likes catnip, and ensure she has lots of games/play (no laser pointers, these are highly frustrating, honing a hunting skill further and further with no satisfactory conclusion to the end of the hunt). Things like food dispensing toys and puzzle toys, as well as cat trees/cat gyms and lots of high up cat shelves for her to lie on.

I said what I said. It's despicable.

If someone has a large dog that has the potential to be aggressive, why would they add a baby to that situation? Sensible, intelligent people would honour the commitment they made when they got their dog and not fuck it off somewhere else because they decided to breed.

I wouldn't get rid of one of my animals just like I wouldn't get rid of my children. Normal people don't do this.

Oh behave!

"Normal" people rehome animals. If someone realizes they can't manage their pet it is best to find a more suitable home for it. So often it is the pet that suffers otherwise. Neither an animal nor a small child or baby can be found at fault.

Could not help my self this looks so cute

That's an interesting view point. I hope more people value their children more than they do animals and don't base their decisions to have children on whether or not an animal would approve.

It took until my youngest was 4 for our cats to allow them to stroke them or even tolerate being in the same room as them. They never bit but they batted a few times until then. They hated the noise and unpredictability of the dc. They were told to stay away and not touch unless the cats approached them first. Dc are now 5 and 7 and the cats 9 - everyone gets on well and the cats sleep on their beds. You would never think that the cats looked at them with complete and utter disgust and disdain for so many years. It was always funny to see the cats leave the room then second they saw the dc. The dc soon learnt that if they touched the cat and got scratched that they would get no sympathy from us. Our cats are absolute sweethearts and would wait for the dc to be in bed before coming to find us for the evening and then would sleep on ours beds. Be patient and just keep the toddler away.

Really does sound like you’re overreacting to the incidents with your child, sounds more like you have too much on your plate, your cat has been more difficult that you expected and you would like to have the stress of owning the cat removed now you have another child.

I wouldn't get rid of one of my animals just like I wouldn't get rid of my children. Normal people don't do this.

Normal people don't think animals and children are the same.

I absolutely love dogs but feel like dogs and cats do not mix with very young children, or at least have the high potential not to. I wouldn't put my little children at risk of injury even if it meant rehoming a loved pet.

I value my animals as much as I value my children.

It's not about their "approval". It's about whether it's sensible to have a baby if you have a large, potentially aggressive dog. People aren't sensible, though. They think it's fine to go ahead and have a child anyway, and get rid of the dog they no longer want. Only on Mumsnet is this seen as OK behaviour.

I havent read all of the replies, but the cat was OK with a 4 year old, but a 4 year old is very different than a toddler.

A 4 year old can understand and be gentle, but as others have pointed out, a baby/toddler is a whole new thing for a cat - an unpredictable, lurching, grabbing thing potentially, and the cat is telling you LO to keep away.

To be fair the cat is being pretty tolerant - a growl, and then a bop is pretty low key.

i think you need to watch your LO like a hawk - dont encourage then to interact to the cat - treat it like a hazard - not to frighten them, but to make sure they understand to keep away at the moment.

my son was a little older when my 8 year old daughter had her two cats - he was about 2, but he didnt attempt to touch the nervous one until he was around 7, because it was obvious the cat didnt want him to. Later he had a cat of his own who he adored.

Kindly meant: Your youngest “is a tornado”? I think it might be best to rehome the cat. I totally understand you committed to her, and respect that, but I really don’t think you should feel bad about rehoming her in this situation if this is what you decide now, or a little further on. As well as thinking of your child and the cat - what about you and the potential stress for you should something happen?

Actually, I'd say it's the opposite....