My beloved pet is becoming a problem

[99problems99]

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

My 15 month old is gentle with our cats. He knows how to stroke them gently. Of course I'd never leave him alone with them, I just shut them in another room at night.

Op just shut the cat in the kitchen whenever you need to. As your child grows bigger hopefully they will learn to live with each other better. I wouldn't rush straight to rehome.

Ha ha love that. Thank you, it does put my mind at rest. She’s never alone with him, so maybe just keep an eye on things right now I guess. X

You need some high perches for your cat. Cats are very territorial and they love to observe from up high. It calms them down.

I think it will take time for her to get used to what she now sees as an "intruder". But give her time and let him get older and calmer. As long as she can get away and observe from a high perch, things should get much better over time.

Definitely the right thing to do! If you have Instagram or TikTok, have a search for "skippity paps" - it's so normal and cats love it. I even play it with our tabby orange idiot - he thinks it's great, lol.

Thank you. This makes me feel better. I want her to feel this is her home too but of course want to protect my little one. I think I’ll create a little space for my cat that she definitely can’t be disturbed. Upstairs is not on my little ones agenda at the moment but of course as he starts to venture more. I’d hate for her to be like ‘fucking hell can’t escape this little shit’ 🤣 in cat language of course

Thank you SO much. X

I've seen the results of a cat bite at the hospital and its not pretty, patient required in patient treatment/operation and IV antibiotics so I would definitely err on the side of caution with your child and, much as I love animals, if there was any danger to the child I would always say rehome.

What about one of those catios that people have now so that the cat can be outside safely and somewhere for her to get away from noisy toddler.

This is completely normal cat behaviour and I've never read something more dramatic in my life. I grew up with cats, I have three now so my children have also grown up with cats.

I learned as a young child that cats can scratch and bite, especially if you torment them, don't give them space or they want to communicate something. My cats will all batt, hiss, claw, bite etc if they are unhappy about something, because that's how they communicate 🙄 They're not like dogs - they aren't "trainable" in that way, in the same way you can't train a rodent/snake/ferret not to bite.

Is this your first cat?

Amazing- thank you so much. Thought I knew a lot about cats as I’ve had them all my life- but this I did not know! I will happily arrange a high perch for her. She deserves peace too.. although I never get any . lol x

Does your cat have any raised spaces - a cat tree, for example - to escape to?

Get about 3 Feliway plug ins and put them in different rooms in the house.

It’s so common for cats to absolutely hate babies and toddlers - so many cats end up in rescues because of this - my own cat was adopted from a rescue in this exact situation.

I understand your concerns about her being stolen and I think there is a divide in the cat community about indoor / outside cats but I think given she’s stressed I’d get a cat flap fitted and a tracker quick release collar for her and let her go out. It will provide more mental stimulation for her and let her escape the noise. You may find she doesn’t go far anyway, not many cats just wander as long as she’s been neutered (?). My own cat just mainly sits in the flower bed!

No I’ve had cats all my life. Multiple. However never owned a cat like this who takes caring for, indoors. The other cats would go away for days, eat, and then party on down on the streets for a few days. A bit like me at 18.. ha ha. but this time I genuinely care for her at home. I know it’s normal for cats to do these things but I suppose as a mum I’m just being over cautious and I’d hate to overlook something and then if anything happened I’d feel to blame. I know it’s not the same but these XL bullies are peoples families.. and those who are attacked probably never thought it would happen. I know she isn’t capable of such but it just plays on my mind. I suffer from
anxiety and sometimes a reassurance helps me.. x

We had to re-home a beloved cat after we had kids. I still feel sad about it now, but this cat was incredibly highly strung and needed to have safe space which we just couldn't provide after we'd had kids as although there was always somewhere for them to go they couldn't be sure of having the space all to themselves all the time. Before kids they had the full run of two rooms that were essentially unused. I left it too long to do as I felt so bad, but found a specific rehoming place that understood their needs. We kept them until they found a foster place that was suitable and the pictures we got of them settled were incredible to see our cat looking stress free and happy again made me realise we'd held on too long.

I would say though to make either a large or regular donations for food so that you're keeping up with your side of responsibility while finding them a more suitable home

I think you are over reacting. Just make sure the cat has space to get away from the toddler. I have had cats my whole life and was always covered in scratches from kittens or grumpy cats.

Thank you for this. It’s really helpful. I really have considered just letting her out as in the summer she has a lovely time. She always just comes back inside when she’s finished playing and never ever is she out of sight.
I don’t want to be on the statistic that regimes her cat because I can’t cope with the challenges.. so o appreciate these comments they really helpful me understand

This is completely normal.

If she's batting without claws she wants him to move away.

He's way way too young to be anywhere near the cat.

Give her some space he can't get to.

Cats generally don't like toddlers as they are noisy chaotic and move unexpectedly. Just keep them apart.

Oh crikey OP, even the most biddable cats can become terrorists when it comes to grooming, giving tablets or loading into a cat carrier.

I assure you I am a very cautious person with DC's safety but I also have a lot of experience with cats (with the caveat that there are always exceptions, but your posts don't mention anything that isn't very normal).

Cat groomers usually wear leather gauntlets for a reason! They have to break all the rules of cat handling in order to get the job done.

The only cat related injuries I've had have been when giving tablets or loading into a carrier. Over and over again the gentlest, meekest cats develop superior strength and ferocity to resist because as a species they cope very badly with being forced to do things and feel compelled to fight for dear life.

I appreciate the temptation to compare with dogs but I think it's not particularly helpful in many ways. If the dogs that I care for resisted meds and loading into the car or a crate like the average cat I'd be in serious danger!

Get rid of the cat!
It is impossible to be keeping watch absolutely 100% of the time and imagine how you would feel if the cat did lasting damage to your son! Honestly full permission to rehome the cat.

Rehoming pets when you have children is one of the most awful things a human being can do.

We had to re-home our cat when my son was 2. Once he was up and about our cat would actually seek him out to attack him. He'd run into the room, smack him and run out. We sought vet advice and tried to address any anxiety he could have been facing as best we could. With everyone else he was the soppiest thing going. It was only around my son.

One day my son was on my lap, he was really upset and our cat came out of nowhere and smacked him across the face. My son had 3 fairly deep scratches across his face and was obviously distraught. It was at that point the were no other decision but to re-home him.

He now lives as the only cat, with an elderly woman who sends us letters and pictures in the post. Having spoken to the daughter, they're both what the other needed it would seem. So I'm in a fortunate position whereby I know I did the right thing

Yes..this 👆

When mine were little, they kept trying to touch the cat. Unfortunately they have to learn fine motor skills, their touching is actually grabbing the fur. My cat would scratch to get away. I told the kids, no touching the cat until they were old enough to stroke it properly. Keep telling your little one, "no" when they're grabbing the cat. They will stop doing it. Cats are fine when left alone.

Me too. My niece is a child nurse and she too has seen them. However I can honestly say she has never bitten me or anyone, it’s more scratches. However this is the reason for my post as it’s not impossible and it scares me. X

Have you taken her to the vet to check she isn't in pain from something?

And yes a catio sounds good however she happily plays on the garden with no restrictions xx

I think because you had her first you have possibly "babied" her a little- i know for a fact that I did with all my pets before I had my babies! The difference for me was that I had my children before I got cats so was used to shutting the cats away straight from the word go. I did feel guilty about that but they usually have free roam of the house in the daytime and honestly in the lifespan of your cat, your child is only young for such a short part of it!
You do have to be really really careful she doesn't scratch though, never let your child put his face close to her x