My beloved pet is becoming a problem

[99problems99]

Firstly I’m fully aware of the fact ‘a pet is for life’. So please be kind i am desperate for some
constructive advice.

4 years (almost 5), I purchased a pedigree British long hair cat. She is the most beautiful girl, she was welcomed into the home and we love her. She was from a reputable registered breeder and cost me £950. Money wasn’t the issue I just dreamed of her for so long.

From the start she was always very particular with food.. no problem.. I just chopped and changed when she lost interest. She’s had the best of the best since the day she arrived. She’s groomed every day, she has lots of toys, up to date with vaccinations and is solely indoor. She has treats and cuddles (when she allows). She’s always been a little anti social and doesn’t like ‘new people’ until she has investigated them fully. Some she decides she doesn’t like at all and can be quite snappy and scratchy.

When she arrived my now 9DS was 4. They were fine together.. I’ve since had another boy who is 18m. She is awful to him. I’ve taught gim
to be gentle, he’s noisy of course but she used to just leave the room. Now it’s like she’s antagonistic towards him. I watch his every move but she has snarled at him and has scratched lightly twice. I’m on edge all of the time.

I teapot of course love her, but the safety of my son is paramount, I can’t settle knowing she may just get so fed up of him and hurt him. I suppose as he gets older this might settle but I don’t know what to do.

any advice is welcomed and please be kind this is breaking my heart I wouldn’t even know where to start if I ever considered rehoming her. I have posted in some local groups I am in for her breed and people have been so horrible.. as if i am saying she’s disposable now I have another child.. it’s not the case but I have to be realistic.

YABU- thinking of rehoming
YANBU- completely understandable to re home.

thanks for reading.

Yes she’s all healthy has he checks regularly. Vet says she’s thriving x

OP, the urge to protect DC is understandably very strong. Add some anxiety into the mix and I think it's sadly all too common to become a little over fixated on danger. I say this without judgement. I used to worry terribly about older DC deliberately smothering younger DC, or a car mounting the pavement when I was out with the pram.

Take a deep breath. This will be ok. DCat is being a normal cat.

Perhaps the dc could be rehomed, then? Seems sensible. 🙄

It's true that cat bites and scratches can become infected. She's never bitten the OP though and she won't unless she becomes very distressed (or the groomer visits).

She has probably remembered the times when he wasn’t perhaps so gentle and is now very wary of him. 18 months seems a little young to even understand what gentle really means and to always remember to moderate behaviour.

I think you need to keep them apart as much as you can until your son is bigger. Their relationship will evolve.

Cats need to be safe from mauling toddlers - some height {cat shelves} will enable her to get well away from the toddler.

I agree with this, I think you can get some cute perches that attach onto walls (like you see in cat cafes). If you can't do that, maybe a cat tree. Anywhere the toddler can't reach and the cat feels safe.

I put baby gates on my doors high enough so that the cats could get under but my daughter couldn't (when she was younger), so they could run into the kitchen away from her.

Have you tried some felliway the plug in stuff that's meant to calm cats?

When I had my dd we moved in with my mum and her grumpy cat for a bit. I didn't worry too much, I didn't leave them together on their own and once she was old enough told her to leave him alone.

She got a few scratches but this was useful in reinforcing you don't mess with the cat!

I personally would let the cat outside if she's been neutered?

This is a brilliant suggestion

I don't think either option is unreasonable. There are still things you can try, and the dynamic might change with time, but if you reach a point where either the baby is at risk of being hurt or the cat is profoundly miserable, then it's not unreasonable to consider rehoming.

Have you tried Feliway? We used this at times of stress and it seemed to help. It's just 'happy cat' pheromones, to make cats feel safer, and you can get it as a plug-in or a spray.

You could try involving your child in doing nice things for the cat, and ensuring the cat has lots of space. Some cats don't like babies. It's understandable; from a cat's perspective they're strangely sized peopley things that scream and move unpredictably, can be clumsy in handling them, and make strange smells. But, if you give them some time, they may like the toddler that baby grows into. One of my cats was very suspicious of DC for a good few months (no aggression, just didn't want to be around them in that 'wriggling and flailing' stage) - but once weaning onto solids started and food started getting lobbed around, suddenly they were best friends!

Your cat feels threatened by your toddler because they are unpredictable, uncoordinated and noisy. Things should improve as the children get older and have more understanding of the cat.

We have two cats and the younger one would occasionally lash out at DD when she was little, literally walk past her and swipe. DD adored the cat and never gave up the hope that one day they would be buddies. Best buds now with the cat cuddling up to her on the bed every night.

Now have the problem of the older cat launching unprovoked attacks on the (very mild mannered) dog.

@Scirocco Feliway is a great idea!

I might get flamed for this - but I think you need to rehome the cat. It’s an animal; your children come first always.

It seems as animal life becomes more valuable, human life becomes even less valuable than it should be. @99problems99 do whatever works for you and of course review the situation to ensure your child is not at risk whatever you decide. In my opinion, a child and an animal are in no way comparable and I'm always astounded when people seem to think they are.

Another sign that things are not right with the world

I woyld look at giving her lots of options to avoid him. Catify with lots of high shelves, walkways etc. Use baby gates with cat flaps so that she can get away from your little one. And don't let your DS touch her at all so she doesn't feel threatened.

Simple question. Who's the most important here - your son, or your cat? So there's your answer.

Rehome the scratchy, antagonistic cat into a home where it'll be more happy and your children can do what kids do without being on edge all the time about what the cat will do.

We had a cat that used to whack anyone and anything that walked past her within range. Total grump. We all just learned to avoid her, adults, children, dogs..... my now adult DC still remember her with great affection and amusement. She could be a total sweetheart - but on her terms.

Just keep your dc safe until they are old enough to keep out of the cat's way themselves.

Feliway OPTIMUM is a good bet. BSH can be quite antisocial and nervy cats anyway. I do think it is over the top rehoming over a scratch. Use it is an opportunity to teach your child about respect for animals and giving them space.

I’d say just keep them apart and time solves the problem! I met DH when my DSD was 2 and my cat hated her, hid whenever she came over etc. She was just too unpredictable in the previously quiet environment! We kept them apart unless we were there to show her how to be gentle and stroke cat properly etc. She’s 9 now and the cat adores her and sleeps on her bed with her.

@99problems99 Height makes cats feel safe.
They love being up high- install a couple of cat shelves for her covered in carpet , or make her a bed on top of a book case so she can escape the toddler.

Agree with others, cats are wary of toddlers who can be ''grabby'' and rough without meaning to be- Keep them separated.

An old cat one of Mum's friends had clawed me painfully on the head when I was a child- I still remember the pain ! They lived in Chelsea, where he was more or less an indoor cat, as they didn't have a garden flat, but an upper floor one.
He was rescued from a family with lots of children, and he hated little kids.

He lived to about 18/19 ''Possum'' was his name- he never 'hurt' me once I was an older child.

Very kind and sensible advice. 👏

I'm sorry this is stressful for you.

We had a cat when I was little who was a grumpy nightmare. She was fine with my older siblings but hated me. She would hiss and scratch me at every opportunity and I tried to stay out of her way! I remember being stuck in the hallway once as I was too scared to walk past her as I knew she'd scratch me on the way.

Anyway, it actually wasn't that big a deal, I was a bit scared of cats for a while but we got some kittens after she passed away and I've been the biggest cat person ever since.

I wouldn't worry too much, you can treat a cat scratch and they can work around each other hopefully.

Really? What about murder or abuse? Would it matter if the child was in danger of real harm, perhaps if the pet was a large dog?

If none of the above works, don’t feel guilty about re homing. Of course your child comes first. The British can be so over the top about pets, can’t believe people have given you hate over this. Saying that as a Brit. I re homed a kitten I just didn’t bond with and had 2 miscarriages after I adopted it and obsessed about toxoplasmosis.

Cats hate anything being waved in front of their face. Even mine bats me, and sometimes scratches, if I accidentally move my hand in front of her face. It could be your toddler is inadvertently waving his hands around. I’d keep them apart as much as possible but I wouldn’t rehome the cat.