It wasn’t my fault MIL missed an important appointment ???

[Missedapp]

Last week MIL asked for a lift to a hospital appt today. Neither of us could do it due to other commitments. She was annoyed but was going to get a taxi.

Dh had work then was going to be picking youngest up from nursery and I was also busy and out of the area.

When I got home at lunchtime and looked at my phone I had missed calls and messages MIL saying she couldn’t get a taxi , DH saying his mum needed a lift he needed me to get ds from nursery instead etc but I didn’t hear my phone and so it turns out DH couldn’t help her and she didn’t go. It’s my fault apparently and ‘what’s the point having a phone ‘ then MIL saying i deliberately ignored them both !

I was busy and rushing about , it was noisy and I had my phone in my bag and on silent. I had checked it around 930 I think but all these calls and messages were from 1030 onwards and I’d got home at 1

Not your fault at all OP. She might think twice next time she’s tempted to pull some last minute twattery.

This wasn't an emergency. The dh was contactable so even on the off chance the nursery had an emergency, he was contactable.

in your post you were available to MIL/ friend neighbour

So yes that’s saying available all the time.
Or perhaps I should have said able to whenever someone asks.

I stand by my pp. It’s an unreasonable expectation for people to assume this if they have work and / or other commitments.

Exactly. As someone who actually does have olds, and who frequently does field this nonsense, nothing pisses me off more than the ‘when I have old relatives I will…’ brigade, they’re the equivalent of childless people pontificating to actual parents how evil non-organic formula is.

Because as people have said, if you are in the middle of talking to/caring for and actual person then you can't just leap to your phone.

It’s from Alice in Wonderland ! 😁

Agree
people cannot keep answering their phones whilst at work!
Its simply not possible.
Picking up a message when you can fine, being on call all the time No!

Then don't! But why do you have to set it to silent all the time? Just answer it when you can answer it, and don't when you can't. If you know you won't be able to answer it for the next 3 hours by all means set it to silent, but that wasn't the case here.

quoting the OP. "I was busy and rushing about"

So is your husband also blaming you Op?

If he could have left work to take her then why wasn't that the plan anyway & you making sure to be back in time to collect from nursery?

OPs dh was doing the nursery pick up. Not OP.

I don't want to be a phone zombie, but I find that if I let my phone ring for calls, I really don't get so many that it's anything of an issue.

Of course some people can't, due to work. But honestly, how many people are genuinely so snowed under with unwanted calls they have to turn their phones to silent even though they could answer them? Most calls I get, I want to answer, because if someone calls rather than messages, it's generally time critical.

🤣🤣
I recognise it from Harry Potter
Did Rowling steal the line…..🧐…😳..curiouser and curiouser 🥴

Fine, so don't answer it. But let it ring. At some point in that time I'm sure she had time to look and see who had called, and realise it was her husband and it might be best to call back. It takes 30 seconds. Even if she was going to say no.
Or does she get 40 unwanted calls in that time so has to turn the ringer off? I don't know. I certainly don't.

Yes I know.

But it seems to me (could be wrong of course) that he was trying to contact Op to do the nursery pick up so that he could take his mum after all.

I may have misunderstood.

"Curiouser and curiouser" is, incredibly famously, from Alice in Wonderland. Not even J K Rowling would try and steal that without expecting to be caught.

Wouldn’t be the only thing she stole 👀 The entire premise as well as many small details were ripped directly from The Worst Witch! She quite ironically gender reversed.. boy protagonists do sell better after all!

The head teachers favourite sweet being sherbet lemon is quite a specific one! Curious indeed 🤣

I didn’t say it was.

I was merely pointing out the fact to people going on about ‘what would happen in an emergency for people who aren’t allowed their mobiles whilst working’, that they would have presumably been contacted via their work contact number. That’s all.

Yes That’s how I understood it.

Dh and MIL though wanted OP at the last minute to do dc pickup. But she couldn’t and couldn’t answer her phone.
Nothing to do with OP

I agree with you and have changed plans and booked leave from work before to help out in this sort of situation - admittedly it has only come up about 3 times in the last 10 years. I think it's a bit sad her son couldn't arrange this to help his mum.

It’s not your fault and she should have pre booked a taxi but I do find it very odd that you go hours effectively uncontactable while your children are in childcare/at school. I always make sure my phone is within earshot or check it relatively regularly if there’s even a slim chance of getting a call about the kids.

Nursery and school have 3 emergency numbers . I usually do check my phone a little more often or I usually actually hear it but as I was out I kept it in my bag as the area I was in has a huge problem with phones being snatched out of peoples hands so I was thinking about that

Yes That’s how I understood it.
Dh and MIL though wanted OP at the last minute to do dc pickup. But she couldn’t and couldn’t answer her phone.
Nothing to do with OP

Oh yes I agree.

Just wondering if Op's husband actually could have taken his mum if he'd wanted to in the first place, as it seems he could have left work to do so if he could have contacted Op.

That's all irrelevant though if MIL said she'd get a taxi & didn't.

I'd have hung up, and not answered further calls. And not offered to book a taxi or looked at bus timetables for her! (assuming there's no real reason why she can't do it herself, which I don't think you say there is).

She should have booked her taxi in advance not just hope one was available when she wanted it. If the appointment was that important she should have made sure

Not your fault, you're not at her beck and call