It wasn’t my fault MIL missed an important appointment ???

[Missedapp]

Last week MIL asked for a lift to a hospital appt today. Neither of us could do it due to other commitments. She was annoyed but was going to get a taxi.

Dh had work then was going to be picking youngest up from nursery and I was also busy and out of the area.

When I got home at lunchtime and looked at my phone I had missed calls and messages MIL saying she couldn’t get a taxi , DH saying his mum needed a lift he needed me to get ds from nursery instead etc but I didn’t hear my phone and so it turns out DH couldn’t help her and she didn’t go. It’s my fault apparently and ‘what’s the point having a phone ‘ then MIL saying i deliberately ignored them both !

I was busy and rushing about , it was noisy and I had my phone in my bag and on silent. I had checked it around 930 I think but all these calls and messages were from 1030 onwards and I’d got home at 1

Even if she did reach you...you still weren't free, like you told her last week.

Absolutely not your fault, she should have prebooked a taxk before today. Do you think she did this on purpose believing you'd all drop what you were doing and she'd get her lift.

Why didn't she book a taxi in advance? None of this is your problem. Don't sweat it! You said you couldn't do it and that's it.

@Coloursofthewind2 they would have followed the protocols that they had in place for such emergencies, one hopes! Definitely one of the questions I asked before signing my kids up for any childcare establishment, as I knew that there would be occasions when I would be several hours away from the nursery, school, holiday club etc if I were at an offsite meeting.

This is the crux and in fact the only relevant info. If she comments again, say, 'I was never available and that wasn't going to change,' then leave the room/change the subject. And if she keeps on, ignore.

What an entitled pair they are OP!

I personally HATE mobile phones. We moved house just over a year ago, and at that time decided to give up on a landline and only use our mobiles, but even now, I still don't always think to take mine with me if I go out with DH. I don't even remember to charge it as often as it needs, as it simply DOESN'T rule my world. A while back DH came in unexpectedly at lunchtime, he looked absolutely distraught, and demanded 'why didn't you answer your phone?' I'd gone out in the garden to hang some washing on the line, it was a lovely day, so I'd got sidetracked into doing some gardening, and then sat by the pond watching the fish and listening to the birds, with not a thought about my phone, and of course, he'd been expecting me to pick up, so got extremely worried. However, while I did feel sorry for worrying him, does it really mean that I have to have the darned thing attached to me for the rest of my life, just for other's convenience? I think we've all become so used to having everything immediately, that we really don't cope well when we can't have it. It doesn't matter whether it's shopping, buying a house, getting a doctor's appointment, or calling family / friends, thanks to things like Google, we've become so used to getting information immediately, that we expect everything to be like that, and then get angry when it isn't possible. In my opinion, it's become absolutely ridiculous, after all, do I really need to take my phone with me to the toilet, on the off chance that someone will call me, and get upset because I don't answer immediately?

For the most part, my family have now got used to me forgetting to take my phone with me, and don't tend to worry like they did when I first had it, but even so, my DH came home from the shops the other day, and demanded to know why I hadn't answered my phone - I'd been putting the vacuum cleaner round, and hadn't heard it.

I'd be very interested to know whether the OP's MIL always has her phone glued to her side, I bet she doesn't.

You were out of the area.

That’s that.

Your DH is part of the problem by offering to leave work and saying he would ask you to do the pick up.

Sounds like my MIL she always needs our ‘free taxi’ for something despite being very able bodied and mobile and has capacity to call a taxi. She asked DH to take her down for her first Covid vaccine, it was the first day of his new job so he said ‘sorry I can’t do that’ and explained why. She said ‘I’m sure they’ll understand if you nip away, it would have been an hour from his work to pick her up and an hour back at 10.30am. There is a bus stop at the bottom of the road, the vaccine centre was 4 stops away and she has a free travel pass.

Shes relentless though and seems to think our car runs on water and fresh air and I’ve yet to hear a please or thank you!

She should have booked in advance. This was on her to plan ahead not you.

Are you sure she didn't do it on purpose to be a martyr, because she didn't get her own way in the first place?

"I once had a call because my child hit his head really hard and the nursery staff said he needed to be observed for symptoms of a concussion, and they were too busy looking after all children to do it properly"
I would be very concerned about any nursery if they admitted this. One child hurt and they lose the ability to look after them properly? I'd be finding a new nursery.
There are jobs and situations where for privacy and security reasons you can't even have your phone on your person, silent or not. How on earth did we manage pre-2000? 🙄

She knew you were unavailable and was pissed off and decided to show you who was boss. There’s no way there were absolutely no Ubers or taxis and your DH was the quickest way to get her there.

Presumably your DH would have dealt with any school or nursery issues - no need for you both to be permanently on call.

Tell you that you are not on call for them. And that if what MIL usually does did not work, she better come up with an alternative plan.

She has no point about nursery… OP’s DH was available to answer the phone and deal with school or nursery issues.

If you're busy at work and phones aren't allowed, it'll be a couple of times a day, max.

Her lack of planning is not your emergency - you’d already said no!

Why is her hospital appointment more important then what everyone else was doing? Why is your husband feeding into all of this?! I wouldn't be apologising, she isn't your lord and master, you are allowed to not have your phone clamped to your hand all the time. I wouldn't give this anymore head space to be honest. Is she always so annoying and unreasonable?

So stop giving her lifts. If she kicks off and wants to know why, tell her exactly this: you ask all the time, you never say please or thank you, you cost us a lot in petrol.

I agree with previous posters; even if you had answered your phone, you’d already made it very clear that you were busy, so you weren’t available to collect your DS from nursery.

Also, I get it if a taxi hasn’t turned up and you’re having something like chemo etc, where your immune system comes into play. I’d drop everything in those circumstances. But if she’s asking you for lifts before she’s even tried to book a taxi, I don’t think she had any intention of going by cab. And I wouldn’t be at all surprised if she’d decided to miss her appointment to try and guilt trip you for not dropping everything in order to rush to her aid.

I think I’d remind the pair of them that you’d told them both you were busy, that your phone is for your convenience, not theirs, that this will teach her to pre booking taxis for important medical appointments rather than leaving it until 10 minutes before she needs to leave, and if she doesn’t like taxis, buses are usually available and tend to include hospitals on their routes.

She might want to think about moving somewhere with public transport or taxis available if she doesnt drive as you won't always be available to taxi her.

I would absolutely be reaming your husband if he tried to suggest ANY of it was your fault or allowing his mother to think you bore any fault in this.

She is a grown woman who couldn't be arsed to book a taxi/uber/lift after being told neither of you were available to chauffeur her about. She didn't. This is 100% on her and they both owe you an apology.

I would refuse to lift a finger going forward for her it they don't apologise for their shitty attitudes.

This!

His landline is stored on my phone but I do not know if he is at home or out and about when I phone so I ring his mobile (though his landline is the first stored number) - he is often out. In an emergency (and I've had one) it's frustrating.

She’s an adult and can make her own arrangements, like everyone else has to! She sounds very entitled. You did nothing wrong.

YANBU

If it’s an important appointment and you have to ring a taxi, you allow time for this eventuality. I do if I’m getting taxi to get a specific train or something.

It is on her entirely.